AITA for refusing to pay for my brother’s wedding after he kicked me out of the bridal party for getting engaged?

A woman (41F) was excited to be a bridesmaid for her brother Tom’s (38M) wedding until her engagement to her partner caused tension with his fiancée, Sarah (38F). Sarah felt overshadowed and insisted she step down from the bridal party.

Hurt but compliant, she later declined to pay for wedding expenses as previously promised, feeling it was unfair after being removed. Tom and Sarah accused her of selfishness, leaving the family divided over whether she should still contribute. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to pay for my brother’s wedding after he kicked me out of the bridal party for getting engaged?’

I (41F) have always been close with my brother, “Tom” (38M), and we’ve had a great relationship. When he got engaged to his fiancée “Sarah” (38F), I was honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid.

They’ve been planning a big wedding for over a year, and I’ve been heavily involved in helping organize things and even offered to cover some of the costs since my brother and his fiancée were on a tight budget.

A few months ago, my partner proposed (I already refer to him as my husband, but we weren’t officially married) to me, and I said yes! We kept it low-key to not take away from Tom’s upcoming wedding since we have been together for years and have an established marriage like life together.

However, after announcing our engagement, Sarah became cold towards me. Tom later told me that Sarah was upset, feeling like I “stole her spotlight” by getting engaged before their wedding.

A week later, Tom and Sarah called me and said that, because of the “timing” of my engagement, it would be “best” if I stepped down as a bridesmaid. Sarah wanted the focus on her, and apparently, my new engagement was “too distracting.” I was hurt but agreed to step down to keep the peace.

Here’s where things escalated: Tom recently asked if I was still willing to help cover the wedding costs I had previously offered to pay for (a significant amount).

I was shocked! I politely declined, saying that I didn’t feel comfortable contributing anymore since I was no longer in the bridal party and felt hurt by the situation.Tom got really upset and called me s**fish, saying I’m ruining his big day. Sarah even accused me of “holding a grudge” and trying to punish them.

Now, my family is split—some think I should still help since I initially offered, while others agree that it’s unfair to expect me to contribute after being kicked out of the wedding party. So, AITA for refusing to cover the wedding expenses after being removed from the bridal party?

Check out how the community responded:

ChallengeFlat7795 −  NTA Why would you announcing your engagement have any influence on their wedding? Does everyone have to pause their life until the highly exalted Sarah gets married?

You have no obligations to pay for anything for your brother, other than what you yourself want. Them expecting money after treating you like this for no valid reason is absurd.

4tinyinches −  NTA. You don’t need to put your entire life on hold because someone else’s wedding is a couple of months away. You weren’t stealing her spotlight, and she was being petty.

Famous_Specialist_44 −  I thought you were going to say you announced your engagement at some part of the wedding but you just got engaged in the proximity of their wedding. Your brother is ridiculous and he shouldn’t be surprised you are irked by his snub. And an irked person doesn’t pay for the wedding. NTA 

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. I anyone precipitated this, it was your brother and his fiance by getting upset that you got engaged “so close” to their wedding. I shudder at what would have happened if you had the temerity to get pregnant.

Nester1953 −  Your family doesn’t get a vote on how you spend your money. Period. And Sarah needs to figure out that behavior — especially n**ty, self-centered, crazy-ass behavior — has consequences.What, during the year of wedding planning, no one in the wedding party is allowed to get engaged?

Or, God-forbid, pregnant! Or, how about married!!! They’d be wearing a different rign to Sarah’s Big Day, how distracting! Sarah and Tom have, how do I put this nicely, kind of lost their minds over what’s important in life and the precedence of their wedding over everything else in everyone else’s lives.

They’ve treated you terribly with respect to the wedding and now they think you should subsidize them?. No thank you.. NTA

New-Cucumber-7423 −  Tom and Sarah gonna last 5 years tops

AppropriateRip9996 −  You don’t have to honor a commitment to someone who has stepped out of their commitments to you. Circumstances have changed. They want you out, so you not paying is respecting their new boundaries.

Bunny_Bixler99 −  “Now, my family is split—some think I should still help since I initially offered” And they offered you an important role in their ceremony which has now changed, so YOUR offer has changed as well.. NTA Fam that doesn’t agree should get off their duffs and start that GoFundMe. 

Due_Future2066 −  They’re acting like you announced at her bridal shower, bachelorette party, or the wedding reception. How is your engagement distracting?!?!? Gimme a break! NTA

rudbek-of-rudbek −  When did it become normal to have other people pay for your wedding.

Is it reasonable for her to withdraw financial support after being treated poorly, or should family loyalty come first? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!