AITA for refusing to let my family move in because my 16-year-old son doesn’t want them to?
Family conflicts around money and obligations can be especially painful when past neglect and abandonment are involved. In this case, our OP—a 16-year-old’s primary caregiver—shares her decision to refuse her extended family’s request to move in with her and her son. Five years ago, after her husband cheated and abandoned the family, OP was left to raise her son on her own, with only her father stepping in to help.
When he later passed away, his sizable inheritance allowed her to buy a home and build a stable life for them both. Now, as her extended family faces financial hardships and asks to move in, OP stands firm—after discussing the matter with her son, who remembers how unsupportive they were in their time of need. Despite accusations of selfishness from relatives, OP values her son’s well-being over forced family obligations. But is she the asshole for refusing to let her family move in?
‘AITA for refusing to let my family move in because my 16-year-old son doesn’t want them to?’
Expert Opinion
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When a child has experienced neglect or abandonment from extended family during critical moments, their emotional perspective is shaped by those experiences. In cases like this, honoring the child’s feelings is not only valid but necessary for their long-term well-being.” (kidshealth.org)
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “It’s essential for parents to set boundaries that protect their children’s emotional health. While extended family often expects unconditional support, that expectation can be damaging when the family’s history is one of neglect. The decision to refuse their request can be a way of reclaiming control and ensuring that the child’s needs come first. Communication and mediation may help in the long run, but the child’s voice should be prioritized.”
Both experts agree that in situations where family history has left significant emotional scars, it is both reasonable and responsible to prioritize the child’s well-being over extended family obligations.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Many redditors empathize with OP’s decision. “If your extended family failed you when you needed them, why should you be forced to open your home now?” one commenter wrote.
In the end, OP’s decision to refuse her family’s request to move in is driven by a need to protect her son’s emotional well-being and to avoid repeating painful family history. Although some may view it as ungrateful, many believe that prioritizing a child’s feelings—especially when they have been let down in the past—is entirely justified.
Do you think that boundaries should always be drawn based on past neglect, or should extended family be given a chance to contribute despite previous shortcomings? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you were in a similar situation?