AITA for refusing to host my husband’s best friend and his family?

Hosting friends can be a joyful way of catching up—unless it turns into a dynamic where you feel taken advantage of or your goodwill goes unreciprocated. In this situation, the OP’s husband has a childhood best friend who once required considerable help crossing borders during COVID, then canceled attending OP’s wedding at the last minute (despite the OP covering a 5-star hotel room). Now, this friend suddenly wants to stay at their home (with family in tow) for an unrelated event in the OP’s city. Understandably, the OP is reluctant to oblige.

While the husband views it as a chance to see an old friend, the OP sees a pattern: minimal contact unless there’s something in it for them, and no gestures of friendship in return. She questions whether it’s worth more free lodging, and whether this is truly about reconnecting—or just a matter of convenience.

‘AITA for refusing to host my husband’s best friend and his family?’

Here’s the original post, illustrating exactly how tensions arose:

Managing friendships where one side seems to give more than they receive is a common dilemma. Dr. Jane Adams, a psychologist who studies adult friendships, explains that “over time, uneven relationships can lead to resentment. Even if the friendship has a nostalgic bond, both parties must invest or it will feel one-sided.” The friend’s previous cancellation—after a costly reservation—raised suspicions about how much he truly values the relationship.

Beyond simple disappointment, cultural norms also play a role. The OP comes from a background where the couple often pays for everything, creating intricate social expectations around weddings and accommodations. However, as Dr. Adams points out, “Generosity must be matched by appreciation, or the giver starts questioning whether the friendship is exploitative.” The friend’s last-minute no-show, combined with no gift or even a congratulatory note, suggests minimal effort or gratitude.

Now the friend wants free lodging for his family and sister during a separate trip. Etiquette expert Elaine Swann recommends that when a friend only reaches out for convenience, it’s perfectly acceptable to respond with a polite but firm boundary. She advises, “Offer help finding a hotel or suggest meeting up for dinner, rather than turning your home into an unpaid Airbnb.” This approach lets your husband maintain contact without subjecting you to potential stress and expenses.

It’s also worth noting that the OP isn’t asking her husband to abandon the friendship. If he wants to see his childhood friend, he can still do so outside the home—something Dr. Adams calls “compartmentalizing the relationship.” The OP is simply drawing the line at hosting everyone, especially given past experiences. Ultimately, friendships do evolve. Holding on to nostalgia can be meaningful, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of being used.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Redditors largely sympathize with the OP’s frustration, pointing out that the friend’s behavior smacks of using free lodging whenever convenient. Many suggest the OP’s husband arrange an alternative plan—like dinner or coffee—without forcing the OP to become host again.

Friendships rooted in childhood memories can be tricky to navigate once real-life responsibilities and adult finances come into play. Finding a balance between preserving a valuable bond and avoiding one-sided generosity is key. Is it worth the hassle to host a friend who canceled on your wedding and rarely shows interest in your life otherwise? How do you gracefully draw boundaries in friendships that have grown lopsided? Share your thoughts or experiences below; sometimes, a polite “no” is the healthiest move for everyone.