AITA for refusing to go to all family gatherings, starting from today?

A Reddit user shares how family gatherings with her cousins have been isolating and disappointing experiences, as they often exclude her from games and conversations.

After years of feeling ignored, she decided to skip the most recent gathering, leading her mother to call her “selfish” and claim she disappointed her grandmother by not showing up. Now, the user wonders if her decision to avoid these gatherings was unfair to her family. Read the full story below and share your thoughts…

‘ AITA for refusing to go to all family gatherings, starting from today?’

I (18F) am the youngest in my close family circle so far. Now, my family always holds gatherings to my grandma’s house once or twice a year depending on the circumstances. Obviously, I attended every single one, except from when I was feeling sick.

My cousins (and older sister) would always play board games or talk about various topics. However, I would always be purposely excluded from everything. Whenever I asked to play, they would come up with the excuse “We have already started.

You can play in the next round.” When the next round would come, my cousins would just get up and leave me alone with the game. Something similar went with the conversations. I would often sit in a corner or, when I was allowed, I would get my mother’s phone and play or watch something.

As you can imagine, the gatherings were boring experiences. The only good thing about them was the food. (Grandma’s food never disappointed). That ruined my relationship with my cousins and aunts/uncles, but what gave the final blow was when at my 8th birthday, I had my first party.

I didn’t have many friends, so I invited my cousins. To no one’s surprise, I was once again ignored by everyone. It got so bad to the point I had to lock myself in my parents’ bedroom. In present time, I was asked by my mother to attend the family gathering this year.

I refused, telling her that I never had a good relationship with my cousins and I do not wish to be ignored AGAIN. She was a bit bitter, but she didn’t pressure me. When she returned home a few hours ago, she started yelling at me and how I am ‘s**fish’ for refusing to attend the gathering.

She said that she ‘covered my ass’, in her words, by telling everyone that I was sick. She also went as far as to say that I disappointed my grandma and I don’t care about her. (That’s not true. I adore her but I physically and mentally can’t stand my cousins anymore.). It’s been bugging me, so AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Tarik861 −  NTA, but your mom is. The quickest way to find a bomb is to blow it up. That may not be the safest, and there may be collateral damage, but it is definitely the quickest. So pick up your phone and send out a group text to everyone there.

Explain why you didn’t come and won’t be coming to future. Name names and point to specifics. Then tell mom that you’re not going to play along; if she had truly cared and done the parenting thing to protect you from their b**lying, she might have a basis to ask, but she didn’t.

So call her out for lying about you being sick. Include those details and send that out to everyone, too. Then don’t look back. Go see Grandma on your own terms and spend time with her alone.

cherchezlafemmed −  Next time there is a gathering, go see your Grandma the day before and help her with the shopping/cooking so you can spend time with her then avoid the actual gathering. Life is too short to spend time with assholes. I’m sorry your Mom isn’t (has never been) your champion on this b**lying by your n**ty cousins.

SushiGuacDNA −  NTA. Why should you spend time with people who are consistently mean to you? Anyone who insists that you do is an a**hole. (I mean, rules for children are different, but you are an adult now.)

I especially frustrated with your Mom. **Lying** is an a**hole behavior. You didn’t ask her to lie. She just decided to lie. Why does she think that lying is the solution to problems? And then she accuses you of not caring for your grandma? It feels like something weird is up with your Mom.

Ok_Conversation9750 −  NTA and I am so angry at your mom on your behalf! I had a similar situation with my cousin when I was a kid.  She was a relentless b**ly and all adults ignored her behavior and basically forced me to spend time being tormented by her.

When I hit my teens, I flat out refused to be under the same roof as her and I made sure everyone knew – I had nothing against anyone else, and would happily be present for any and all events as long as b**ly cousin was not.

Tinkerpro −  So go visit your grandma on days when cousinss aren’t there. Always be sick for family events. Tell your mother to not lie to her family she should tell the truth: You are AH to my kid, she doesn’t want to be in the same room with you. Your mom, by the way is in the AH group for not stopping this.

The_Spoops −  NTA, but… My grandma died a few years ago, and I very much wish I would have made it to her gatherings more often.
Don’t let the bad relationships damage the good ones.

ArreniaQ −  Go spend time with your grandmother, do not disappoint her. I’m old and will say that the day will come when you will wish you could see her. This should be about her, not your cousins.

MerlinBiggs −  NTA. Why be around people who treat you like that. Instead of complaining your mum should try find out what is behind it.

justtired2022 −  NTA, your cousin sound horrible. But sounds like your grandma is pretty nice. My suggestion is call grandma and say “hey I wanna hang out with you, can I come over for dinner?”And just go hang out with your grandma.

You might find out that she’s actually pretty cool. Ask her about her first car, ask her about what music she used to listen to. You’d be amazed grandma was a whole person before she had your mom.

yhaensch −  INFO – How much older than you are your cousins? I am wondering how much was was just the natural age gap behavior and how much AH behavior by your cousins and their parents who didn’t tell them to behave.

And your mother for not standing up for you. Anyway: you are a grown-up now. Nobody expects you to socialize with the cousins. It’s a visit at your granny’s.

Do you think it was reasonable for the Reddit user to avoid a gathering where she feels constantly left out, or should she keep attending to please her family? What would you do in her place? Share your opinions below!