AITA for refusing to boycott my husband’s party and photoshoot in light of him wanting to exclude my disabled son from it?

When it comes to blending families and managing public image on social media, things can get complicated—especially when it involves sensitive issues like disability. Our OP, a 42‑year‑old woman, shares a story of how her husband’s desire to curate a flawless family image clashed with the reality of their blended family dynamics. Her husband, a 48‑year‑old dentist with a growing social media presence, has been showcasing his family through professional photoshoots and carefully staged posts.

While he has included his stepdaughters and her (the OP’s) daughter in these displays, he has excluded her 14‑year‑old son, Ethan, who has cerebral palsy. Although Ethan is mostly independent and academically successful, he struggles with social cues and tends to be talkative, which her husband claims disrupts the polished image he wants to project. The OP is caught in a difficult position. While she supports her husband’s vision of a perfect blended family online,

she is deeply troubled by his decision to marginalize Ethan. Amid pressure from her ex—who accuses her husband of looking down on disabled people—she refuses to boycott her husband’s upcoming party and photoshoot. Instead, she chooses to stick by his side, even if it means compromising on what she wishes Ethan’s role in their public family narrative could be. Now, she wonders: Am I the asshole for not forcing my husband to include my son in his plans?

‘AITA for refusing to boycott my husband’s party and photoshoot in light of him wanting to exclude my disabled son from it?’

Navigating the complex dynamics of blended families—especially when public image and disability intersect—requires clear boundaries and empathetic communication. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in family relationships, explains, “When a family member is routinely excluded from a public narrative, especially due to factors like disability, it not only damages that person’s self-worth but also sends a harmful message about their value within the family.” (kidshealth.org) In this scenario,

the OP’s husband’s choice to exclude Ethan may be driven by his own insecurities about maintaining a polished image, rather than any genuine concern for the child’s well-being. Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson further notes, “Blended families often face challenges when it comes to balancing idealized public images with the messy reality of everyday life.

Excluding a child, particularly one with a disability, can lead to long-term emotional consequences not just for the child, but for the entire family dynamic.” She adds that open conversations about inclusion, dignity, and respect are essential. While the husband defends his decision by claiming it’s about aesthetic and social convenience, the experts suggest that such actions can reinforce harmful societal attitudes toward disability.

The OP’s internal conflict—wanting her son to be treated with equal respect while also respecting her husband’s public persona—illustrates the difficult balance many families face. Ultimately, the experts lean toward encouraging a more inclusive approach that does not sacrifice the dignity of any family member for the sake of appearances.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many redditors empathize with the OP’s concern, stating that a family’s public image should include every member, especially when a child is disabled. “Excluding someone sends a message that they aren’t important, which is unacceptable,” one user commented.

Ultimately, the OP’s decision not to boycott her husband’s party and photoshoot—despite his exclusion of her son Ethan—raises important questions about family inclusion and the impact of public image on real relationships. Is it acceptable to prioritize a curated social media presence over the genuine, messy reality of family life? Or should every family member, regardless of their challenges, be given equal space in the public narrative?

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation where the desire for perfection clashes with the need for genuine inclusivity? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes?