AITA for refusing to attend my inlaws’ christmas unless SIL removes the stocking that has a different name than the one I chose for my unborn son?
Choosing a baby’s name is one of the most exciting parts of pregnancy. Parents carefully pick something meaningful, something they love—after all, their child will carry this name for life. But what happens when someone else, say an overly involved sister-in-law, decides she has the final say on the name?
That’s exactly what one woman (OP) found herself dealing with when her husband’s sister took it upon herself to name the baby. Not only did she push for the name Tommy, but she also went as far as to hang a Christmas stocking with that name—completely disregarding the actual name OP and her husband had chosen. What should’ve been a simple disagreement escalated into a full-on family conflict, with OP’s husband taking his sister’s side.
So, is OP overreacting for refusing to attend the family Christmas until the stocking is removed, or is Monica completely overstepping? Let’s dive in.
‘AITA for refusing to attend my inlaws’ christmas unless SIL removes the stocking that has a different name than the one I chose for my unborn son?’
Expert Opinion:
Why This Situation Is a Major Red Flag
Naming a baby is a deeply personal decision, and in most cases, it’s one made exclusively by the parents. When an extended family member demands a say in the name, it’s not just overstepping—it’s a serious boundary issue.
According to Dr. Katherine Hertlein, a professor of family psychology at the University of Nevada, boundary violations in families can create long-term tension. “When a family member disregards parental authority and tries to exert control over major life decisions—such as naming a child—it can undermine the parents’ confidence and create a power struggle within the family,” she explains.
In OP’s case, Monica’s behavior is more than just an annoying suggestion—it’s an assertion of control. The fact that she went ahead and hung a stocking with her preferred name is a blatant attempt to establish dominance over OP’s child before he’s even born.
The Bigger Issue: A Husband Who Won’t Take a Stand
While Monica is clearly overstepping, a bigger problem here is OP’s husband, Todd. Instead of setting firm boundaries with his sister, he’s enabling her behavior by saying things like, “Maybe we should just let her call him Tommy.” By failing to shut this down, Todd is showing a troubling lack of support for his wife.
Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger, explains that when a partner refuses to take a stand against intrusive family members, it can create lasting resentment in the marriage. “If one partner consistently sides with their family over their spouse, it signals misplaced loyalty and can severely damage trust,” Lerner states.
In other words, Todd’s reluctance to defend his wife is not just about a name—it’s about respect, partnership, and the foundation of their relationship.
How OP Should Handle This Situation Moving Forward
To prevent this kind of boundary violation from escalating, experts suggest:
- Clear Communication with Todd: OP should make it clear that allowing Monica to name their child is not an option. If Todd refuses to stand up for their family unit, it’s time for a serious conversation about their dynamic.
- Firm Boundaries with Monica: OP needs to send a direct message—whether through a conversation or simply refusing to acknowledge the stocking—that this behavior is unacceptable.
- Reevaluating Family Involvement: If Monica continues to overstep, OP should consider limiting interactions until respect is established.
Here’s What Reddit Had to Say:
Unsurprisingly, the Reddit community was not on Monica or Todd’s side. Many pointed out that OP was completely justified in refusing to attend Christmas until Monica corrected her blatant overreach. Others expressed concern that Todd’s passivity was a sign of deeper issues in the marriage.
Reddit’s verdict? OP is not the villain here—Monica is. Naming a child is a parent’s right, and no family member should attempt to override that decision. More concerning is Todd’s failure to support OP, which raises questions about his priorities.
If Monica refuses to acknowledge the baby’s real name, OP has every right to stand her ground. At the end of the day, respect in a family goes both ways, and this Christmas drama is just a symptom of a much larger problem.
So, what do you think? Should OP just let Monica call the baby whatever she wants, or is she right to draw a firm line? Let us know your thoughts!