AITA for refusing a trip for my kid over Christmas?

A divorced dad refuses to let his ex-wife take their child on a two-week Christmas trip, insisting the child stays home until after Christmas Day. For the past two years, the ex-wife denied similar requests from him, causing delays and financial strain on his family’s plans.

Their custody agreement alternates Christmases, and this year is his turn. Adding to the tension, their child prefers staying home for Christmas to spend time with her favorite cousin, but her mother dismisses this. The ex-wife accuses him of being petty and holding a grudge. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing a trip for my kid over Christmas?’

AITA for saying no to my ex to plan a trip over Christmas with our kid? A bit of back story. The last 2 years at Christmas, my parents have planned a trip with my brother and his wife’s family who live in a warm state. It isn’t easy for us to get there, as we live in Canada and it takes several layovers usually resulting in a loss of a day for travel.

The first year there was a major snowstorm and our flights were cancelled completely. Last year, our airport started a direct flight to the destination city which would work out to be a few thousand dollars cheaper and obviously a lot easier travel wise to get there.

The downfall is that it would have required us to leave a few days before Christmas, as it was only a once a week flight. When I asked, my ex said no because she wanted to have our kid on Christmas, and said she would only allow her to go on the 26th.

So we booked our flights on a red eye on the 25th and ended up missing 2 days of our vacation because of delays and missed flights. My ex and I didn’t go through court to get a divorce, we went through mediation. There is a contract of sorts that we have things outlined in,

but our relationship is amicable, so we modify parts of it as situations arise. Unfortunately a lot of those modifications are HER modifications to benefit her. I go along with it most of the time because my kid asks me not to make a scene with her mom.

The only part of the contract that my ex stands concrete on is that she gets to see her on her birthday, which happens to be December 24th. It also states that we alternate holidays, especially Christmas. That’s where the dilemma falls. This year, my ex wants to take our kid on a vacation over Christmas.

She is planning the trip for the full 2 weeks our kid has off from school, which results in her being gone over Christmas. I said I will not agree to let her go until after Christmas Day, as she did not allow it the last 2 years which cost us thousands of dollars.

She is calling me an a**hole and saying I’m petty for “holding a grudge for something that doesn’t matter much.” To add to this, my daughter’s favourite person in the world(my nephew) is coming to visit over Christmas, and she wants to spend time with him. She’s fine with going after Christmas Day, but mom isn’t respecting her wishes on that either. AITA for digging in my heels on this?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Worth-Season3645 −  NTA…I would say time to go to court and get things in writing as to what is allowed do mom cannot keep getting changes based on her wants. Or tell the ex that she has made it clear where she stands on holidays the last two years. Time with a parent is more precious than travel.

That status quo will remain the same from now on. There is no travel plans until at the earliest, December 26th. Let the kid enjoy her birthday and Christmas. Unless , ex wants to change the status quo from mediation to court mandated custody arrangements, because changing this yearly to her whims is getting tiring for all involved.

DrippyMagoo −  How is it petty to do exactly the same thing she did? It was her year for Christmas, you wanted her to accommodate for a trip, she said no. Now the exact same situation is flipped, if anything you are just taking her lead on how to handle this.

NTA. If you keep it civil but stay firm, your kid will know who the AH parent was when they grow up (if they can’t already tell).

Anngelinaa −  you’re just trying to balance what’s best for your daughter while also sticking to the agreement. If your daughter wants to stay for Christmas and spend time with family, that’s a valid concern. You’re not wrong for wanting to make sure she’s not missing out on important family time,

especially if she’s expressed that. It’s tough when compromises aren’t being made on both sides, but I can see why you’d feel upset. You’re not the a**hole for wanting to stick to the plan and considering your daughter’s feelings too.

ChiquitaBananaKush −  NTA when the shoe was on the other foot she refused to accommodate you. Now that your ex has plans, she expects you to treat her the opposite she did the past two years. She FAFO’d.

Glass-Intention-3979 −  I’m so confused. You say holidays are spilt, with alternating years. But, then you say last two years you’ve had your child at Christmas. As, you’ve arranged trips with family. So, she has asked for you to wait till after Xmas day. Now, she’s organised a trip and you want to say no?

Honestly, at this stage you both need to organise Christmas better between you two. You have Christmas and a birthday all at the same time. So, one is going to be left out? If, it were me, I would apply the same rule as what she did last year. Then in the new year you all need to sit down and figure this out ,

and stick to it. So, you may need to get this legally done. But, one thing to note, you don’t mention your child’s age. If, they are old enough (say 12 and up) you need them involved with this decision. They may want to see both of you at this time.

It sucks that prices are high at Christmas… but, it’s always been like this?! If you go at Christmas your going to have to pay for it. My ex and I always split Christmas because we both wanted to see her. So, Xmas eve she used to meet up with him for the afternoon and then he’d help put her to bed.

Xmas day she would go to his after dinner. I’ve sole custody (it’s just the legality of my country he sees her regularly). One year I took my kid overseas for a huge trip, it was a once in a life trip. Her dad was obviously sad about her coping at Christmas but fully supported her going for the experience.

I will say, he wouldn’t have any legal right to stop it though. But, it was only one year. She over her teens really decided what she wanted to do ie go with friends etc

PoshPeonys −  NTA. Your ex set the precedent when she said no to your plans for two years straight. Now that it’s her turn, she can’t just ignore the same rules she enforced. It’s not petty—it’s fair.

Plus, your daughter clearly wants to spend Christmas with her favorite cousin and isn’t even bothered about traveling after. Prioritizing what \*she\* wants is what good parenting looks like, not bending to your ex’s double standards. Stand your ground; it’s about your kid’s happiness, not your ex’s convenience.

Miss_Judge_and_Jury −  NTA. If you consulted your child and this is not a bitter power trip with your daughter in the middle, you have met your obligations as a human to consider her. It would be petty if your daughter wanted to go and the only reason you said no was because of your ex in the past. However, doesn’t sound like that is the case at all! I think you’re being rather reasonable!

HowlPen −  NTA You are following the precedent she set. If you agree, in the future she will expect you to be flexible when SHE wants to travel, while demanding child be in town for Christmas Eve/birthday. 

KrofftSurvivor −  NTA – She’s claiming it doesn’t matter much, but apparently it matters enough to her to refuse you the same courtesy in alternate years.
Tell her that if she wants to take trips around Christmas with the kiddo, then she needs to come up with something that is fair and equitable and goes into your agreement- allowing each of you to do this in alternate years.

If she’s going to continue to stipulate Dec 24th, then that’s on her – although you may wish to clarify in the post whether that’s the birthday of the mom or the child…

Is he wrong for sticking to the custody agreement and considering his child’s wishes, or is he justified after past compromises? What’s your perspective? Share your thoughts below!