AITA for quitting my business partnership with my wife after she refused to listen to me?

A Reddit user shared her story about quitting a business partnership with her wife due to constant disagreements and boundary issues.

Despite initially helping to grow the business and transitioning to working full-time together, tensions escalated during a workplace incident that left her questioning both their professional and personal relationship. Read the full story below.

 

‘ AITA for quitting my business partnership with my wife after she refused to listen to me?’

I (35f) and my wife (30f) met a year ago. She is a civil engineer and owns her company and I was a physical therapist in ICU. She was having trouble administering her business and, since I worked every other night, offered to help some days.

Some days turned to every day, every day turned to every time and I decided to quit my job to be her full time partner. The business was growing and I could make much more money if I helped full time. She often said I was a natural at leadership and design.

We are now living and working together full time but we had some major problems with this arrangement for she is very controlling and doesn’t accept any kind of accountability when wrong.

Yesterday we took our nephew (3m – her brother’s son) to visit a site and see the pergola we were building. She then started to grow anxious and things got off track. She pulled a cover with a lot of violence from the wood beams they should use that day.

I asked her three times not to for she could harm herself or others but she wouldn’t listen. The beams were knocked out to the floor very loudly and our nephew was terrified. I snapped and yelled at her to stop rushing things and she looked at me in fury.

All the staff were embarrassed and kind of scared. We headed back to the car and I offered to take our nephew home but she yelled at me that he was HER nephew and she picked him up to spend the day with her. She also said that I had no right calling her off in front of the staff.

I just gave up and left. We stayed back and forth for hours last night and I decided to leave the partnership cause this is not a one time thing. She refuses to define my responsibilities or let me do only office work but also, grows angry at me when I call her wrongs even if is in particular.

This morning she told me that she thinks this relationship won’t work because if I have so many problems with her at the job she expects me to leave her soon. I am at lost completely but I don’t think I was wrong to terminate the partnership so, AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Lhamo55 −  ESH – you refer to her as your wife so within a twelve month period you married *and* entered into a business relationship with someone you’d only just met a year ago? I have no other words.

FacetiousTomato −  NTA for quitting the partnership – I think that is the best outcome here. ESH for the situation you described though.
From what I understand, you’re her administrative assistant – bookkeeping, etc. She is an engineer, responsible for a site.

While she was working, you (her subordinate, who would not normally even be on site) undermined her, in front of her staff, for no reason. This makes you an a**hole, because there is no context in which this was related to your job.

It was like if someone brought their wife to work, and their wife criticised them in front of their employees. Even if what she was doing was clearly unsafe, it was not your place to give feedback. It would be like if an accountant walked onto a construction site and started telling the foreman all the things they were doing wrong.

She is an a**hole, because she shouldn’t be bringing you (or her 3yo nephew) to job sites. While YTA for shouting, the reason it happened is her fault, so ESH.

Edit: people getting caught up on OP saying she is a business partner. OP might call themselves that, but they **specified** that it is the wife who owns the company, and the wife who is an engineer. Just because OP works for her wife’s business, does not give her the credentials or authority to make workplace safety calls.

Eastern_Condition863 −  INFO: define “business partner”. Do you have equity in the company? Are you 50/50 partners? Or are you just her employee? If you have no financial stake or ownership in the company, then you should not be telling the boss how to do her job in front of her staff.

Expensive_Visual_594 −  My opinion is that you both made a mistake going into business together. It’s immensely difficult to work with a spouse. I would go back to your old job. You’ll save the marriage hopefully. 

lordcommander55 −  This is a classic example of U Hauling

Historical_Tie_964 −  Oof… idk if “a**hole” is the right word but this entire thing is messy as f**k. Very messy of you to leave a stable job to go work for your partner. Very messy of you to put yourself in a position where your partner is your boss at work.

Definitely assholeish to berate her in front of her staff when it’s her company that you’re working for. You’re not the a**hole for calling off the “business partnership” but I beg you to learn several lessons from this moving forward

MedicinalWalnuts −  NTA. Based on what you have said, I don’t think either of your partnerships will work out (personal or professional). The respect and compatibility just aren’t there.

Flashy-Tear-1861 −  TLDR; you would never be an a**hole for terminating your contract if you feel like the work environment is hostile or toxic. However it doesn’t seem like we have a full picture and that’s also not the problem here. You blew that pergola situation way out of hand and that is what makes a) the rest of your story unreliable, and b) you an a**hole.

1. You say this was a partnership but it doesn’t seem like you guys have equivalent duties at all. You “helping” does not equate to you being her equal partner with equal say. So I feel like your perception of the situation is already biased heavily in your favor.

2. Why did she start to grow anxious? It seems like something was legitimately bothering her but you make it sound like she was just being emotionally unstable.

3. You asked her three times to not do it, but she did. Maybe there was a legit reason to do so or not, but did you really think snapping at her (the literal boss) in front of everybody (her literal employees) was the right move?? It just sounds like you’re trying to undermine her authority, or like you’re trying to discipline her as an equal.

WatermelonRindPickle −  NTA for quitting partnership. All those details about duties, hours, etc. should have been ironed out before you quit your PT job. ESH for jumping into a marriage and business partnership so quickly without having details of how it will work in daily practical terms.

Cupsandicequeen −  Ok I know us lesbians tend to move fast (not myself thank goodness) but in one year you married and went into business together?! Slow your roll! Reason 826 I stopped dating completely. Everyone wants to entangle their lives so deep there’s no way out!

Was the Redditor justified in prioritizing her mental well-being and stepping away from the partnership, or should she have approached the situation differently to preserve both the business and the relationship? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!