AITA for pretending not to recognize my parents when they tried to reconnect?
A Redditor, abandoned by their biological parents at age six, was raised by their loving uncle and aunt. After years of no contact, their parents tried to reconnect following the death of their other child. When approached at a Christmas mass, the Redditor pretended not to recognize them, saying, “My parents are at home.” Now, some family members think this response was too harsh given their parents’ grief. Are they wrong for setting such a boundary? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for pretending not to recognize my parents when they tried to reconnect?’
I was raised mostly by my uncle and aunt. My older sister developed a serious illness when I was 6 and my parents decided that they couldn’t care for both of us I guess, so they kind of unceremoniously dumped me at my grandparents and my uncle took me in.
Like, didn’t even explain to me what was going on, just “you’re going to go visit gran for awhile” and never picked me back up. My grandparents and uncle explained it later, and they were pretty livid at my parents. I’ve seen my parents maybe 5 times since then and not at all for the last 9 years.
I decided to stop having contact with them when I was 12 and since I was the only one reaching out all communication broke down. It turned out ok, I love my aunt and uncle and it turns out they can’t have kids so they’ve always said I’m their miracle kid, I was just misrouted by the stork at first.
I was formally adopted by them when I turned 18, I wish it had been earlier but there were some red tape things that would have made that really expensive and difficult. I’m 21 now. My sister passed away between thanksgiving and Christmas and I made a trip back from school for the funeral, but I stayed in the back and left before my bio parents could talk to me.
They called my uncle to try to talk to me, but I said I didn’t want to so he told them that I wasn’t available at the moment. They finally caught up to me over Christmas when I went to midnight mass with my gran, and approached me and tried to give me a hug.
I did recognize them, but I pretended not to and just backed off and said “Sorry, do I know you?” They said “We’re your parents!” and I said “My parents are at home.” and went and sat down with my gran. They sat behind us and I could just feel the stare, and on the way out they were like “You really don’t recognize us?” And I said “Oh, are you my dad’s brother? I think I remember you from when I was little.”
My gran thinks they deserved it trying to come back to me like nothing happened, but they wrote me a long letter about how hurt they are and how I should understand that they were trying to do the right thing and how they’ll always be my parents and I can’t change that. Other family members think I was too harsh as they’re grieving, but I don’t think they should get a pass just because they remembered me now that my sister is gone.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Si_the_chef − NTA. “Are you my Dad’s brother” was pure class.
EvocativeEnigma − NTA – And I said “Oh, are you my dad’s brother? I think I remember you from when I was little.” This was petty AF, SO MUCH DESERVED and I am applauding you all the way for it! I’m glad that you ended up with parents who love and cherish you. Also, you were adopted so they AREN’T your parents.
aaseandersen − Notice how in their letter, they only focused on themselves. How hurt *they* were. Then, they had the audacity to tell you how you should be and feel. These people are garbage and deserve to know and be told repeatedly that they’re garbage.. NTA. Rinse and repeat.
PsiBlaze − NTA. “Oh, are you my dad’s brother? I think I remember you from when I was little.”. And this line is a winner!!!
just_hear_4_the_tip − NTA. You’re my f’ing hero. Most people would freeze in the moment — ESPECIALLY when already preoccupied with grief and sadness — and only think of the perfect line minutes, hours, or days later. But not you, you legend among us mortals.
I’m so very, very sorry for the traumatic and heartbreaking experiences you went through… but, somehow that path still led you greatness. No pressure OP, but I think you’re going to save the world one day. Good on your parents for making it official, otherwise I would toss out the idea of adopting you myself.
chaotine − NTA, they are no longer your parents. Even legally since you’re adopted now. Don’t let them use you as a “do over”, now that your sister died. They would’nt contacted you if she was still alive…
Lish-Dish − NTA, they are only trying to reconnect with you because your ‘sibling’ died. Honestly, I wish I had the balls to do something like that because I totally would if I were in your situation. Your ‘parents’ should’ve realized that they can’t just expect you to want to talk to them again, especially since it wouldn’t have happened if your sister was still alive.
Drslappybags − They could have kept in contact the entire time. Phone calls, letters, emails,etc. This is on them.
ReviewOk929 − “so they kind of unceremoniously dumped me”. No words for this. AHs. “left before my bio parents could talk to me”. Can’t say I blame you. ” “Sorry, do I know you?” They said “We’re your parents!” and I said “My parents are at home.””. Yup think that’s about right. ” they remembered me now that my sister is gone” Sounds about right. You are not your sisters replacement. Your Aunt and Uncle are your parents not them. NTA
bluepvtstorm − NTA and I love this for you. It is chef’s kiss for execution. They did this to themselves. You are not a replacement for your dead sister.
When someone reappears after years of absence, how much do they deserve forgiveness? Can grief be a justification for reconnection, or do boundaries remain sacred? Share your thoughts below!