AITA for packing my kid an “inappropriate” lunch?

A mom packed her 5-year-old son a lunch that included kimchi, spam, celery sticks with blue cheese, and a spicy Dorito snack. After school, his teacher called, complaining that the lunch was “disgusting and inappropriate” because it distracted other students and had an odor. The mom defended her choices, saying the lunch reflects her Korean culture and her son’s preferences. Now she’s wondering if she crossed a line. Read the full story below to decide if she’s in the wrong.

‘ AITA for packing my kid an “inappropriate” lunch?’

I (34F) have a (5M) son who attends preschool. A few hours after I picked him up from school today, I got a phone call from his teacher. She made absolutely no effort to sound kind when she, in an extremely rude and annoyed tone, told me to stop packing my son such “disgusting and inappropriate” lunches.

I felt absolutely appalled when she said this, as me and the teacher have, up until now, always maintained a very friendly relationship. She added that the lunches I’m packing my son are “very distracting for the other students and have an unpleasant odor.” I told her that I understand her concerns, as the lunches I pack are definitely not the healthiest, but the lunches are according to my son’s preferences.

The usual lunch that I send him to school with is small celery sticks with blue cheese and goat cheese, kimchi and spam (we are Korean and he absolutely adores this dish), and spicy Doritos marinated in Sriracha (I know, I know, but he deserves a snack, and I don’t put that many chips in the baggy.)

I ended the call by saying that I very much appreciated her worries, but that at the end of the day, I am not going to drastically change my sons’ lunches all of a sudden, and that it’s not my fault if other students are “distracted” by his meal. It is very important to me what my son enjoys, and I want him to like my lunches.

The teacher sent an Email to me an hour ago saying that my response was “unacceptable” and that his lunches are “just too inappropriate to be sent to school any longer.” I haven’t responded yet and don’t want to. I want to maintain a healthy relationship with my son’s teachers. I am confused as to what to do. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

thatshygal717 −  Report her to the principal. Her comments regarding your son’s food are “disgusting” and “have an unpleasant tone” aka *cough cough* r**ist tone. *She’s* too inappropriate to be teaching at the school any longer.. NTA. ETA: Thanks for the upvotes and awards!

Texas_sucks15 −  Nta. Go to the principal. It’s blatant racism. If they don’t do anything. Go to the press.

apothekryptic −  NTA. I came into this thread wondering what exactly an “inappropriate” lunch might entail… Sandwiches cut into the shapes of dicks? Teacher is disrespectful and very much out of line.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. A lot of 2nd generation immigrants are ashamed to bring their food in public because of people like this teacher, who clearly is very intolerant. Asian food is not inappropriate she is.

TheLastLibrarian1 −  NTA. I’ve had a teacher talk to me about my kid’s lunches twice. First one when son was in pre-k, “please don’t send blueberries in his lunch, he puts them in his mouth and then shoots them out like a machine gun.”

Second was for my daughter in grade 1, “ the bento characters are very cute but she keeps playing with them and doesn’t finish her lunch in time, doesn’t want to miss recess, and is understandably irritated and hungry later in the day.” These are appropriate comments in a student’s lunch. I don’t see anything wrong with what you pack.

mamabird1993 −  This teacher is completely out of bounds. You need to bring this to administration. This could easily be seen as discriminatory based on his ethnicity and I can’t imagine the school wants to open that can of worms. Keep feeding that baby what he likes. You’re a good mama.. NTA

madogvelkor −  NTA, I hate to say it but it’s pretty textbook racism or at least cultural bigotry. If there were allergies or sensory issues that might be different but it sounds like she doesn’t like that your food is different than standard white American lunches.

I’m in HR and if this was one employee talking about another’s lunch we’d send them to training and give them a warning. If this is a school then there might be education laws protecting you. Though I don’t know if those apply to preschool.

2Fluffy_Bunnies −  YTA – I’m korean and I’m baffled that you would send your kid to school with kimchi. I would never send kimchi with my kid to school or take it with me to work, just like i wouldn’t pack fish, bc of how smelly it is and how rude it would be for me to do that to my coworkers.

I don’t even like transporting kimchi in my car with double ziplocked gallon sized bags to contain the smell bc you can still smell it and I AM KOREAN. Why don’t you make spam and korean pickle gimbap instead? Korean pickle is so easy to make jangjorim style and waaaaay less smelly.

EDIT: Woah! Thanks so much for the awards!

No-Marzipan-7767 −  ESH. The teacher because of the way she handled it and you because packing stuff that has such an intensive smell, to bring to a place where many people share a small space (like classrooms) isn’t ok. I know this stuff tastes great, but for others to smell it and can’t avoid it, it’s a whole different thing.

lascivious_chicken −  ESH. The kimchi blue cheese combo probably is funky as hell after it’s been sitting in a lunch box especially. I would def lose my appetite eating next to someone eating that. The teacher is a complete ass for the way she went about it, but we do need to think about others when choosing foods in shared spaces. Just like microwaving popcorn in an office is rude, packing an incredibly pungent lunch can affect others.

Do you think the mom should change her son’s lunches to fit more “standard” meals, or is it unfair to ask a child to give up their cultural foods? How should schools handle cultural differences in kids’ lunches? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!