AITA for only paying for myself when my fiance and future inlaws invited me to a NYE dinner at a scale restaurant?

A woman (32F) recently joined her fiancé (37M) and his conservative family for a lavish New Year’s Eve dinner at a fancy restaurant. To her surprise, when the check arrived, her fiancé and his parents revealed they had “forgotten” their wallets and expected her to cover the entire bill. She refused, stating she would only pay for her portion. Her fiancé accused her of being selfish and ruining the evening. Now she’s wondering if she was wrong for not footing the bill. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for only paying for myself when my fiance and future inlaws invited me to a NYE dinner at a scale restaurant?’

I f32 just got engaged to my fiance m37 Sam. We do not live together because we’re waiting til marriage given he and his family are highly conservative Christians but they’re really nice and loveable people.

I had plans to spend NYE with Sam but he said he was out for NYE dinner celebration with his parents then called me again inviting me to join them and I happily did. His parents were there, <they welcomed me and ordered many dishes and desserts and drinks. We celebrated and had great time that is until it was time to pay.

I pulled my wallet out of my bag letting them know that we’ll split the check between us. Sam mumbled “no you don’t have to, we invited you” but I insisted. He and his parents then stared at me; I asked what was wrong and both MIL & FIL said they didn’t have money on them.

I was shocked I turned to Sam and he said he too forgot his wallet at home and didn’t bring enough money to cover even on round of drinks. His dad then laughed nervously “aright so guess we should let the doctor pay!!” I was taken a back I said I’m sorry but no this is just so much money to spend on one dinner by myself and I didn’t think I was expected to pay the entire bill.

Sam said I should pay and he’d pay me back later but I said no since I know he will have to get a job to pay that much money. I said I’m sorry but this isn’t the first time I’ve been put in this situation by him and family where I’m expected to rescue them after they somehow forgot their wallets and expectbothers to pay hundreds for their extravagant dinner.

I told them I’ll only pay for what I had and that’s it, he and his parents were shocked. They started arguing about how I have the potential to pay right there and then but I was acting as if they were strangers not family but that doesn’t mean I’m obligated to pay, how could someone go out to a fancy restuarant, order so many dishes, desserts and drinks without bringing money?.

Sam begged that I just do it and call it a night but I refused. The argument got heated then I got up and walked out. Sam called later at 2am basically yelling that I ruined NYE celebration and made his parents suffer because I refused to pay the entire bill amd instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself after they were gracious enough to invite me.

I told him how unfair it was for me to pay even if I have a good salary doesn’t mean I want to spend it all on fancy dinner. He didn’t reply he just said he’ll pray that my parents will let this go and not resent me after I basically damaged the relationship with them. I felt awful thinking I should’ve covered the bill instead of leaving. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. They all conveniently left their wallets at home, it doesn’t seem likely they forgot them at all, and they invited you with the expectation that you’ll pay. You should rethink marrying this guy, he expected you to pay for an expensive meal,

without your knowledge and you’ve been put in this situation before by him, it seems he’s using you for money and that’s extended to his family. They ruined their own NYE, by trying to force someone else to pay for a meal they cannot afford. Edit. Thank you for the awards and upvotes.

Stoat__King −  Lol. Well you have to admire their nerve. “he’ll pray that my parents will let this go” And im praying you let his parents go. Ffs. NTA.

ImStealingTheTowels −  NTA. Sam called later at 2am basically yelling that I ruined NYE celebration and made his parents suffer because I refused to pay the entire bill amd instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself after they were gracious enough to invite me.

I was WTFing throughout most of your OP, but this is where my jaw hit the floor and made off for the sunset. It’s so *painfully* obvious that your future husband and in-laws are using you for your money. They weren’t being “gracious” to invite you;

it was a calculated move so that you’d end up in a position to pick up the entire bill and your husband should be mortified that they did this. Instead he’s backing his parents up and manipulating you into thinking that you should’ve rolled over and paid.

You need to rethink this marriage. This isn’t the first and it won’t be the last time you will be put in this position and it’s clear that your husband will always be on the side of his supposedly “nice and lovable” parents while they all take advantage of you. Is this what you want the rest of your life to look like?

NinjaBabaMama −  NTA. Sounds like you were invited just to pay the bill. Red flag.

cheesezombie −  So hold on …

🚩 You had plans with Sam until he informed you he had plans with his parents, leaving you solo

🚩 He invited you what sounds like after their partying has begun – why would they be not inviting you to begin with?

🚩 He mumbles something that *sounds* like they’d cover you but …

🚩 … They then pressure you into paying, pulling a lot of emotional manipulation (“acting as if strangers not family”)

🚩 Your fiance’s father *makes a joke* out of saying “guess we’ll let the doctor pay”. 🚩 Fiance has no job, apparently. 🚩 They’ve done this before

🚩 Your fiance doesn’t have your back at all, and is now *blaming” you

🚩 Fiance is also now implying you’ve “damaged the relationship”

TL;DR: Your unemployed fiance doesn’t respect you enough to even include you in celebratory events, and neither does his family, with the exception of using you as a family ATM and clearly sees you that way. Also, if they were able to leave the restaurant, they clearly had means to pay and only invited you to get you to foot the bill. You have a terrible partner.

Artistic_Bookkeeper −  NTA. This was a set up and good for you for refusing to go along with it. I would rethink this marriage since your fiancé and his parents want you to be the family cash cow.

If this has happened before, they they should have been extra careful not to forget their wallets again. And calling you ‘the doctor’ was very telling. And why doesn’t a 37 year old man have enough money to pay a restaurant bill?

leomhgem −  YTA for posting this fake ass story. YTA for becoming a doctor by 32, (after residency?), and not figure out how to use a period or comma. YTA for letting this happen multiple times, apparently (if true). YTA for not living with your fiancé before marriage when he doesn’t have a job.

YTA for accepting a proposal from a man who doesn’t have a job when you have one that will keep you incredibly busy as being a “doctor” does. YTA for apparently being so sheltered you have no problem with any of the aspects of this relationship.

YTA for not responding “who the hell doesn’t bring their wallet to a restaurant where we’ll be drinking at it’s the law to check all IDs before serving alcohol?” I’d be very concerned if you were my doctor considering your people and decision-making skills.

Good luck with the wedding you’ll be paying for yourself and the family of f**king weirdos attached to it. JK there is no wedding or fiancé, but cute write up. Clearly fun for a laugh

edit: since people seem confused by this, my original argument is not the age of her being a supposed doctor, it’s that the writing style is completely inconsistent and full of mistakes. This was typed quickly, the OP hasn’t responded to anything, so they’re clearly not really looking for advice.

I’m deleting my comments so they won’t continue to downvoted for accurately stating the length and rigor of education required to be a doctor in the US. Maybe she’s a doctor somewhere else where they don’t have as drawn out schooling and residency. We’ll never know, because she’s not real.

*second edit: I am done debating the various rules of different areas of the world for eating in restaurant’s and the education system. If you wants to continue talking and sending me weird direct messages feel free. The only thing being learned here is everyone has too much time on their hands. Still a fake post*

JoBenSab −  NTA, but you will be if you stay in this relationship. You have three adults here who all “forgot” their wallets. I thought it was weird that you weren’t invited in the first place and it escalated really quickly.

I hope you leave this relationship. You are being used by this family and you don’t even have a wedding ring yet. Considering this is not the first time this has happened I am seeing a red banner. Forgot the flags. We need something bigger here. Also, WHY does your 37 year old fiancé not have a job and why are you okay with this?

continually_trying −  Wait a second, “lovable” people forget their means to pay at dinner more than once? How many times have you fallen for this? What are you doing agreeing to marry someone who acts this way?

_raq_ −  NTA. They all did this on purpose. How can they invite you for dinner, order a bunch of stuff and then ALL THREE of them forget their wallets? Yeah, if you marry this guy they will be expecting you to pay for a lot more than some fancy dinners here and there, and your fiancé agrees with them.

Do you think it’s reasonable to expect one person to cover a large dinner bill, especially without prior discussion? Should the woman have paid to keep the peace, or was she right to stand her ground? Share your thoughts in the comments!