AITA for objecting to ‘girls day’?
Family traditions can be a wonderful way to bond, but what happens when those traditions start to feel like exclusion?
OP (28M) grew up surrounded by the women in his family and has always been close to them. However, over the past few years, they’ve started hosting frequent “girls only” events—originally a fun idea, but now something that seems to be replacing family gatherings altogether.
When OP found out he wasn’t invited to his aunt’s birthday celebration or this year’s family vacation because they were “girls only,” he finally spoke up. The response? He was told to “grow up.” So, is OP being unfair, or is his family taking this tradition too far? Let’s break it down.
‘AITA for objecting to ‘girls day’?’
Expert Opinion:
The Psychology of Exclusion
It’s natural for people to form subgroups within families—siblings, parents, cousins, and even “girls’ nights” or “guys’ nights” are common ways to bond. But when these gatherings consistently exclude one person, it starts to feel less like bonding and more like alienation.
According to Dr. Kipling D. Williams, a leading researcher in social exclusion, prolonged exclusion can lead to feelings of loneliness, low self-esteem, and emotional distress—even if it’s unintentional. Studies show that being left out of events, especially when there is no valid reason, can activate the same areas of the brain that process physical pain.
For OP, the issue isn’t just about missing a movie night—it’s that his family has started prioritizing these “girls only” events over traditionally inclusive family gatherings. Being the only man in the immediate family means that this is, effectively, an “everyone-but-him” event.
Where Do Boundaries and Family Traditions Clash?
While families are free to create traditions, they also need to be mindful of their impact. Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains that family traditions should be inclusive by default, with occasional exclusive events—not the other way around. When exclusion becomes routine, it creates rifts.
In OP’s case, the family’s shift from occasional “girls’ nights” to now excluding him from vacations and birthdays shows a bigger issue—his role in the family is being diminished, whether intentionally or not.
How to Address Family Exclusion
If OP’s family wants to maintain healthy relationships, here’s what they should consider:
- Balance is key – It’s fine to have occasional “girls only” events, but not at the expense of traditional family gatherings.
- Listen to concerns – Dismissing OP’s feelings as “immature” instead of understanding his perspective only deepens the divide.
- Find a compromise – If a “girls trip” is happening this year, can a family-inclusive vacation be planned for next year?
- Avoid favoritism in traditions – A birthday celebration or major trip should not be structured to exclude one family member unless there’s a clear, logical reason.
OP stepping back from the family for a while isn’t childish—it’s a boundary. If his family truly values him, they’ll reconsider the way they’re handling these events.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Most Redditors agree—OP isn’t wrong for feeling hurt. While “girls’ nights” are fine in moderation, excluding one person from birthdays and vacations crosses a line. If OP’s family wants to maintain their relationship with him, they’ll need to make space for everyone, not just the women.
What do you think? Should OP’s family be more considerate, or is he overreacting? Share your thoughts below!