AITA for not wanting my best friend to come to a backstage party with me?

A person has access to a backstage party with some high-profile musicians after their upcoming gig. Although they planned to invite their best friend, they worry about her flirtatious behavior, which could create an awkward situation.

To avoid conflict, the person told the friend there wouldn’t be an after-party but now feels guilty after being called out for it. They’re unsure if leaving their friend out was the right decision. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not wanting my best friend to come to a backstage party with me? ‘

I’m friends with a few high profile musicians who have a big gig in my city in a few days. In the past, after the concerts, I usually met up with them and we hung out and had a drink. One of my best friends (who’s never met said musicians) will come to watch the show with me. She’s a fan of the band.

She is a lovely person, but one thing that really bothers me about her is that she is obsessed with potentially meeting someone she can fall in love with or have s** with. Whenever she meets a guy she remotely likes, she gets super physical – in a kinda pushy way – batting her eyelashes, twirling her hair, getting very close to them, laughing loudly.

Its gotten to a point where I feel super conscious of her behaviour and at the same time weirdly responsible for introducing her to a man she could like. When I told her about the possibility of hanging out with the guys after the gig, she immediately said something along the lines of “oh maybe there will be a man for me then!”

The thing is: This is a confidential environment, these guys already have to deal with enough women throwing themselves around their necks. I don’t want to be the one to bring someone in who is just interested in flirting and fangirling, it makes me feel kind of embarrassed.

As a result of that I told her that there won’t be an after party and I am now planning to just go on my own – to avoid conflict. My girlfriend just told me that this was an a**hole move. So, judge me please, AlTA for not wanting to take her?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

prairiemountainzen −  INFO: If you’re so “embarrassed” by her, why did you:

1) Arrange for her to come see the show with you, and:
2) Tell her about the possibility of hanging out with the band after the show?

angryredx −  NTA for not wanting to come, but YTA for lying. If her behavior is bad enough to get her uninvited to things then she should be aware of that. It wouldn’t be acceptable from a man; it’s not acceptable from a woman. Equal rights necessitate equal responsibilities.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, but also, why lie? Just say the backstage events are invite only and she doesn’t have one, and you as a guest cannot give her one. You could say, if you need an excuse, that it’s a security issue, fire Marshall issue (number of attendees allowed), but….

You could also say neutrally without accusing her about her behavior: The backstage events are only for known friends and are not “plus one” events because there are too many fangirls throwing themselves at the musicians, and they are not interested in that kind of event.

They just want to celebrate with a few people they actually know, rather than fend off groupies. But. Do not call her a groupie, just say that “some people are like that” and you can even say, “oh of course I know you aren’t like that! But, the band sets the rules. I am so sorry!”

CommanderChaos999 −  Well, you shouldn’t have lied, but i can see the fiasco that would have arisen had she gone. IF telling her the truth also would have been a fiasco, then I see this as more worth of forgiving. To some degree.

Toniadion1974 −  NTA you asked her in good faith. She then said….”maybe ill find a man there.” This statement changed the whole dynamics of the invite. You KNOW the band does not want a flirt there. They want to relax & chill with friends.. I would go alone too.

EDIT: You should be honest on why the invite was taken back. Explain her comment and past actions to her. Explain why the band needs this relaxing time.

AngryArmadillo90 −  I think YTA in this specific situation, but you’re not an AH in general. I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling the way you do, i just think you goofed and handled this wrong.

ExcitingIndication89 −  YTA for lying, simple as that. And all this “batting eyelash, twirling hair etc” seems very subjective from you; why you even bother to be friend with her and told her about the event if you found her behavior so annoying

And your reasoning to lie? You dont want to broke her heart? Is she like toddler and can’t handle being uninvited? Or this is just you assuming the worst of her? Again hard YTA, you seems just dont like this girl at all

Glum_Hamster_1076 −  I’m leaning NTA because her behavior could potentially ruin your relationship and future invites to hang out with your friends. But not a fan of lying. I would’ve told her yes there’s an after party but she’s not invited. You invited her to the show, that’s it.

If the after party was an option you would’ve included her in that plan without her asking. She’s invited to the show. Thats the extent of your invite. That’s it.

orangerendeer −  YTA for the simple reason of telling her about it, only to tell her that she couldn’t join you

slendermanismydad −  You all know you can stop being friends with people right? And you don’t have to invite anyone anywhere? 

Should they have been more honest with their friend, or was their approach reasonable? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!