AITA for not wanting anything to do with my brother even after he tried to delete himself?
A man went no-contact with his brother after discovering he had an affair with his girlfriend of three years. Despite pressure from family to reconcile, he refused, feeling betrayed and hurt. Recently, after reconnecting with a cousin about his grandmother’s health, the man crossed paths with his brother, dismissing his attempts to reconcile.
His brother later suffered a mental health crisis, which the family blamed on the lack of contact. Now, the family wants him to reconnect to improve his brother’s well-being, but he feels it’s unfair to shoulder that burden. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for not wanting anything to do with my brother even after he tried to delete himself?’
I (27m) haven’t spoken or seen my brother “Kevin” in 5 years. I barely speak to our parents or anyone in the family. When I was 22 and Kevin was 25, I found out that my girlfriend of 3 years was having an affair with Kevin. I broke up with her and moved back into my parents place, showing my parents the proof of the affair.
After a month of ignoring Kevin’s attempt to reach out and being cold when he would come around to apologize my parents told me it was time to forgive him. They even went as far to stage an intervention with my ex, Kevin, and extended family, to give me reasons why I should forgive them, especially Kevin.
All this did was hurt me more. I told him what they did was unforgivable, especially when it came to Kevin because he was my brother. I looked up to him, I would’ve done anything for him, we were really close and he betrayed me in the worst way. A couple of months after that I got the chance to get far away from them and took it.
I went no contact with Kevin and my parents. For the last couple of months I’ve been in contact with a cousin because my grandmother has been having health issues, and it got worse so I went back to visit her in the hospital.
On the way out I unfortunately ran into Kevin. He wanted to talk but I pretended I didn’t know him and he started to cry saying he was sorry and he wanted to have a relationship. I told him he must have me mistaken for someone else and left.
My cousin then called me later saying Kevin has a really bad mental breakdown about what happened. Apparently ever since I cut contact with him, his mental health has declined a lot. Then my parents called me and begged me to see Kevin, that being there for him would give him a peace of mind. They pressured my cousin into giving them my number.
I told them I wasn’t gonna do that. Mom started crying saying she wanted her family back, that she wanted her sons being close again. I told her that Kevin, her and dad ruined that, that I didn’t care about them anymore. My dad then asked if we all sat down, talked, and apologized for all the hurt we caused each other, that things could be the way they were before.
I said I didn’t want to talk and I have nothing to apologize for. The next day, my dad called and I could tell he was crying, he said Kevin tried swallowing a bunch of pills. Apparently they told Kevin what I said and it pushed him over the edge. My parents found him in time and now he’s in the hospital.
They think I can make his mental health better if I just have a relationship with him again but I don’t want one. I don’t feel it’s fair to put his mental health on me. I don’t even know how I would even help him when everytime I think of him all I feel is rage, hurt, and betrayal. He’s my brother but I just don’t want nothing to do with him.
So am I the a**hole for not wanting anything to do with my brother?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
MightyBean7 − “Well, mom, I would like my brother to go back in time and not f**k my girlfriend, and here we are”.
bigbangofstupidity − NTA. he knew what he was doing and did it anyway. And the fact that he is your brother makes this betrayal on steroids. One thought though. Don’t let it make you bitter. The best revenge is living a good life.
Mattd8800 − If my brother fucked my girlfriend I would never speak to him again. If my parents made me have an intervention with my brother and ex I would be feeling humiliated and don’t know if I would speak to my parents again either, at least not for a long time.
I don’t think you need to feel responsible for Kevin, just because he’s your brother it does not mean he suddenly deserves forgiveness for having an affair with your girlfriend. Him being your brother just makes the betrayal even worse.. NTA
burgerg10 − So… did anyone ask about your mental health?
MaryAnne0601 − NTA. You’ve been out of your brother’s life for over 5 years. What’s wrong with him isn’t you. Your family is looking for an easy fix to your brother’s mental health problems. As someone that has tried what he did in the past I would bet his issues started even before the thing with your ex.
Just from how your family handled that situation tells me that your family isn’t a healthy one. Your brother has a long road to recover but it has to start with him. He has to work on who he is and how he got to that point. If he honestly does that don’t be surprised if you hear that he’s cut contact with a lot of your family too.
Your family needs to stop focusing on you and take a hard look at their own actions and the part they played in the break down of their family.
srsh − NTA. Kevin traded his brotherhood for your ex. So let him turn to her for support.
CrystalQueen3000 − NTA. He did and awful thing and you’re under no obligation to forgive him or force a relationship when you don’t want one.
Kevin fucked up and learned that s**tty actions have s**tty consequences, his mental health isn’t your problem
ResurrectionScary − You didn’t do anything to your brother. He did everything to himself. However, still being this full of rage years later isn’t good FOR YOU. You should work on that.
Dear_Captain_2748 − OP you didn’t say but is your first name prozac? NTA. My sibling pulled a stunt like that (pills) And I was urged to be there. I was 32 weeks pregnant (they didn’t know that; I had cut them out for other reasons) I realized that that’s all they saw me as, prozac to ‘fix’ their golden child.
InternationalTrain46 − Nope I have a brother like this(he didn’t sleep with my girlfriend or anything). If you did accept him back, there’s a possibility that he would use suicidal threats as a way to get what he wants. Anytime any inconvenience happened to my brother, he would threaten suicide and I just completely cut him off
Should he prioritize his brother’s mental health over his own healing, or is it fair to maintain boundaries? Share your thoughts below!
