AITA for not postponing our wedding to accommodate my SIL?

Weddings are meant to be joyful celebrations of love, but sometimes unexpected family drama can threaten to steal the spotlight. In this case, a 28-year-old bride-to-be explains how her wedding plans came under fire from her sister-in-law (SIL) after a surprise announcement.

After years of saving for a lavish wedding in a palace in India, she and her fiancé set a date well in advance to accommodate guests’ travel and holiday plans. However, when her SIL—who has always enjoyed a golden child status in the family—revealed that she was pregnant and hinted that the wedding should be postponed so she could attend, the bride was left fuming.

For the bride, the wedding is a long-awaited dream come true, meticulously planned over five years. The idea of postponing it by six months to accommodate her SIL’s change in circumstances felt not only impractical but also unfair.

She firmly rejected the notion that her SIL’s pregnancy should take precedence over her own happiness and the couple’s big day. The fallout has drawn strong opinions from family members, leaving everyone to wonder: Is it unreasonable to stand by your wedding plans, or should family always be prioritized?

‘AITA for not postponing our wedding to accommodate my SIL?’

My fiancé (M28) and I (F28) are set to be married in December. We got engaged in June 23, and decided on the wedding date a year and half in advance for everyone’s convenience. We have been dating since 10 years and have been saving up for the wedding since 5 years, to be able to afford an extravagant wedding in a palace in India, and we finally made those arrangements.

My husband’s sister has always been a golden child. She always got what she asked for, as opposed to my husband who they treat like a cash cow. Every time his mother needs anything expensive, he’s the first call she makes. I try not getting between them, but she’s never shown any interest in his life.

Coming to the wedding, we sent out save the dates in December 2023, for people to plan their holidays/plans way in advance. My SIL got married 3 years back. It was a nice wedding, but not as fancy as ours. When she knew about the plans, she started finding problems in everything to a point where my husband asked her to stop interfering.

Last week, we got a call from her in all excitement to tell us she was pregnant and is expecting a child in December. Both of us were shocked but happy for her and congratulated her. She then proceeded saying “so you can just come to SF to get married at the City Hall. I would need help with the baby.”

I was baffled and told her the wedding is still on, and her having a child does not change our wedding plans. She threw a fit when I said that and hanged up. Later that day his mom called and told us to postpone the wedding 6 months so his sister could attend it and if we don’t then she wouldn’t attend either, and that her daughters pregnancy is a bigger event than our “STUPID” marriage.

My husband was upset and chose to not respond but I lost my s**t. I told her that if my SIL prioritised her pregnancy over our marriage (which she knew for about a year and half), we’re not obligated to prioritise her pregnancy over our happiness. My husband is speechless and we don’t know what to do. WIBTA for not postponing the wedding?

Dr. Linda Matthews, a relationship and event planning expert, explains, “Weddings are intensely personal events that reflect the vision and priorities of the couple. When unexpected family circumstances arise, it is vital to balance empathy with the need to preserve your planned celebration.” According to Dr. Matthews, the bride’s decision to keep her original wedding date is a rational one—especially when arrangements have been set far in advance and substantial investments made.

She continues, “While it’s important to consider family dynamics, compromising on your wedding plans because of a relative’s change in circumstance can lead to long-term regret. The SIL’s pregnancy, though certainly significant, does not override the careful planning and emotional investment that the couple has put into their wedding.”

Dr. Matthews advises that if there is any room for compromise, it might involve offering remote participation options for those unable to attend rather than postponing the entire event. This approach preserves the couple’s vision while still acknowledging the SIL’s situation.

Furthermore, Dr. Karen Fields, an expert in family dynamics, adds, “Setting boundaries in family events is crucial. The decision to maintain the wedding date communicates that the couple’s commitment to each other and their plans is non-negotiable. It’s not about disregarding family, but about protecting what is sacred to you.” Both experts agree that while family input is valuable, ultimately, the couple’s wishes for their special day should take precedence.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Overall, the Reddit community strongly supports the bride’s decision to stick to her wedding date. Many commenters point out that if the SIL’s pregnancy was a significant event, she should have been more considerate long before now. They argue that the bride and groom planned this day for years, and last-minute demands to postpone the wedding are not only unreasonable but also disrespect the couple’s efforts.

Some voices suggest that such an adjustment would create a cascade of logistical issues and ongoing drama, while others note that the SIL’s interference appears more like a power play than a genuine concern. The prevailing sentiment is that family should not be allowed to hijack a well-planned celebration simply because one person’s circumstances have changed. In short, the community agrees that the bride’s choice is both fair and justified.

[Reddit User] −  NTA The cynic in me thinks it’s a ploy by your sister in law to see how far you’ll jump if she says higher. I hope I am wrong but I wouldn’t be surprised if something goes sideways with the pregnancy if you change your wedding date. Either way, you don’t need to rearrange your wedding because your sister in law can’t make it.

And the drama won’t stop there either, your mother in law will need to go to where she is so she can be their for your sister in law in her time of need. Carry on with your plans and don’t kow tow to their unreasonable requests and demands. She then proceeded saying “so you can just come to SF to get married at the City Hall. I would need help with the baby.”. I have no words for that request.

diminishingpatience −  NTA. You’re better off without them. his mom called and told us to postpone the wedding 6 months so his sister could attend it and if we don’t then she wouldn’t attend either, and that her daughters pregnancy is a bigger event than our “STUPID” marriage.. Much better off.

Aggressive_Cup8452 −  Tell her you respect that she prioritizes her daughter like that, family is important. So from now on you and your fiance will prioritize your new family as well. This will mean that he can not financially contribute to her or her family anymore. (Expect requests for financial support for the new baby). Congratulations on your wedding. Make it YOUR day.. NtA 

Unlikely-Shop5114 −  Don’t postpone. Six months later it’ll be “kids only 6 months old and not had all their shots so “can’t travel”. Then it’ll be another excuse. Have your drama free wedding without (edit with to without) golden child and her enabler.

ApprehensiveBook4214 −  NTA.  Unless she’s actively in labor during your wedding she can watch over zoom.  I’d offer to get someone to set up to stream for her and that’s it. This “…so you can just come to SF to get married at the City Hall. I would need help with the baby” makes me wonder if she’s making up the pregnancy. Changing your wedding to something she considers worse than hers seems to be the primary motivate.

SusanfromMA −  WNBTAH People have been given loads of time to prepare for the wedding. Is it fair to disrupt them and their travel plans for your SIL? Keep the date and if his parents choose not to attend, then they miss out. Because if you postpone 6 months, you know she will have another reason to interfere.. Congrats and good luck.

BigBigBigTree −  INFO: my SIL prioritised her pregnancy over our marriage. How would you expect her to prioritize your marriage over her own body? I mean, N T A for not rescheduling, but this seems like you expected her to still come to your wedding in India? Wtf?

AwarenessPractical14 −  NTA I’m the youngest, and my 2 elder siblings weren’t typically golden child, but what they needed or wanted was always priorized over anything I needed or wanted. I even ended up taking over all parent responsibilities in my young teens. I still had to help take care of even problems they got into.

I know that in Eastern countries that children take care of their parents. I even know a family that only had kids so that they can take care of them when they got old. Either your soon to be husband needs to step up and talk with his parents. Then possible going low contact or no contact with them.

Granted, if your husband is okay with it, you could always stand up for both of you. Then, there is also taking away the financial support to have them understand that their behavior is not acceptable. (I had to do this with my siblings. But then they would say they needed it for my neice or nephew. I had to just send the food for the kids over.)

You have been planning it sounds like off and on for 5 years since you started saving the money and then set a date 2 and a half years away. To top all that off, you sent the save the date a year and a half in advance. I’m betting the date has meaning in several different ways. If this were my siblings, I wouldn’t put it past them to get pregnant on propose so that they would give birth around the time of the wedding. I was just happy when they both moved away.

lostalldoubt86 −  NTA- You are going to postpone your wedding to help take care of a child you did not give birth to. I know you don’t want to get in the middle of your husband’s relationship with his family, but you could gently hint that he should limit contact with his mother for his own mental health. Be supportive of whatever he wants to do.

There SHOULD be a discussion of how finances will be handled as a married couple. I would not be comfortable with my husband using money that could be used to build our lives together on a family member who is not having an emergency. Don’t demand that he not give his mother money, but it should be a discussion.

Living-Time-9787 −  We were both born and raised in US. Our parents both moved and settled here. I was born in New York Long Island and my husband around Bay Area.

At the end of the day, your wedding is your day—a celebration of your love and commitment that you have meticulously planned over years. While family is important, sometimes it’s necessary to draw boundaries to ensure that your vision isn’t compromised by last-minute demands.

Do you think it’s reasonable to stand firm on your wedding plans, or should family circumstances always force a compromise? How would you handle a situation where a relative’s personal news threatens to derail your carefully planned celebration? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—let’s discuss how to balance family dynamics with personal milestones.