‘AITA for not picking up my phone on vacation and leaving my my tenant, her mom, and my mom to deal with the cops for a couple of hours.?’

I rent my basement suite out to my mom’s best friend’s daughter, Sally. I knew her growing up and I used to babysit her. The basement has two means of escape other than going into my area. It is fully up to code as an in-law suite. There is no reason for anyone to go through it into my space. I went on vacation and I left my door to the basement deadbolted.

Three days into my vacation I get an alert on my phone that there is an unauthorized event at my house. I look at the video. It’s my mom opening the door for Sally’s mom. They freak out when the alarm goes off. Usually if I need my mom to get into my apartment I will give her a temporary code. It is always the same one because she gets confused by tech.

But I have to activate it beforehand. I cannot do it retroactively. The only choice would be to call her and give her my personal code. I checked the cameras in the house and strangely enough my house is not on fire. I didn’t leave the faucet running. There is no emergency. This is where I might be the a**hole. Once I saw they were just f**king with my area for no good reason I put my phone on airplane mode and went back to the party.

Maybe 90 minutes later a concierge at the resort came and said I was urgently needed on the phone. My dad has written down my whereabouts and they called the front desk for me. I excused myself and went for the call. I asked my mom what the emergency was, why was she getting me out of my friend’s wedding reception, was my house okay, was my dad okay.

She very brusquely told me to shut up and talk to the cops and the security patrol. I talked to them and apologized for wasting their time. I asked them what the emergency was that brought my mother into my house. They handed her back the phone and let her tell me that her friend did not want to sit in the basement while she was visiting her daughter. So my mom agreed to come let them use my area and it would be a secret.

I asked the security company to please lock my house back up and take my key back from my mother. She started to protest but I hung up. I enjoyed the rest of my trip and my dad has agreed to pay any fines or penalties that come from the “false alarm”. Sally’s mom wants her to move out. That’s fine by me I don’t need a tenant and was only doing it as a favor. Sally is almost apoplectic begging me not to kick her out.

She said that she didn’t even know what our moms were up to until the alarm went off. My mom is pissed that I wasn’t available immediately to get them out of trouble and she is furious that I won’t give her back my key. She thinks I did it on purpose. I’m not sure how she thinks I forced her to break into my home without permission.
So am I the a**hole for making them sweat until they got ahold of me? And taking my key back since I can’t trust her now.

When it comes to managing rental properties and shared access in a family setting, clear communication is key. In this scenario, our storyteller’s decision to leave his phone on airplane mode and focus on his vacation inadvertently left his loved ones scrambling for a solution. It’s a classic case of how modern technology, while incredibly useful, can also create unexpected complications when personal boundaries aren’t clearly defined.

The incident underscores the importance of having a solid contingency plan for emergencies. As Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “Setting clear expectations and communication protocols in shared living environments can prevent many misunderstandings and reduce stress for everyone involved.

(Aha! Parenting) Her advice reminds us that even when we’re on vacation, ensuring that those who rely on us know exactly what to do—or whom to contact—can make all the difference in avoiding unnecessary conflicts. Moreover, this situation highlights a broader issue of accountability in both personal and professional relationships. Our storyteller had every right to enjoy his time away,

yet the lack of immediate availability resulted in a cascade of miscommunications. Shared access to property, especially when it involves sensitive situations like emergency entries or false alarms, requires that all parties are on the same page regarding procedures and expectations. A little proactive planning—such as setting up temporary access codes or designating an emergency contact—could have prevented the mix-up that led to a police visit and a very uncomfortable interruption at a wedding reception.

Another aspect to consider is the inherent tension between personal freedom and the responsibilities we have towards others. While it’s reasonable for our storyteller to want uninterrupted vacation time, the ripple effects of his inaccessibility raise questions about trust and reliability. In shared living arrangements, especially those involving family or long-time friends, there is an unspoken agreement to be there for one another in times of need

When that agreement is perceived to be broken, as in this case, the resulting fallout can be both dramatic and far-reaching. Furthermore, this incident serves as a reminder that technology, for all its conveniences, is not a substitute for clear, human communication. Whether it’s a simple phone call or a detailed set of instructions for emergencies, the human element remains crucial.

In our fast-paced digital age, it can be tempting to assume that everything is under control when, in reality, a small misstep can spiral into a major debacle. Establishing clear guidelines and ensuring that everyone involved understands their role can mitigate such risks and keep both relationships and property management running smoothly. Ultimately,

setting boundaries is essential—not just for personal peace of mind but also for maintaining trust and respect among those who share our lives. While our storyteller’s actions might have been driven by a desire to fully enjoy his vacation, they inadvertently put his family and tenant in a difficult position. The expert takeaway here is that being unreachable, even temporarily, can have unintended consequences, and proactive communication is the key to preventing such misunderstandings.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Many redditors felt that while our storyteller’s choice to switch to airplane mode was his personal prerogative, the lack of an emergency plan left his loved ones in a bind. Some joked that maybe he should have left a “vacation mode” notice, while others sympathized with his need for a break, albeit at the expense of others’ peace of mind. The general consensus: communication is king, even when you’re trying to disconnect.

Doktor_Seagull −  NTA Your mom & mom’s bbf chose to ignore your boundaries. Mom used a key meant only for emergencies to break into your property, when there was no emergency (just entitlement). These are the consequences of her actions. I don’t blame you for putting your phone in airplane mode while at an important event. Not your mess, not your problem.

I wouldn’t kick Sally out if she doesn’t want to go though, she’s an adult and can make her own choices. Just remind her if she has visitors she needs to remind them to stay on her side of the property line. Edit: Also maybe give the key to your Dad instead. He seems far more responsible and reasonable than your mom.

Kitastrophe8503 −  Lol.  You did do it on purpose though. You saw her on the camera, knew that she’d get in trouble and turned your phone off to teach her a lesson.
For that, I applaud you. She took liberties with your private property and personal space and didn’t even see the problem with that enough to make up an excuse.

She had absolutely no business there and I would say that it wasn’t a false alarm at all. She wasn’t supposed to be there and thats why the alarm went off – that’s what alarms are for.. NTA. 

ZealousidealShake410 −  NTA   your mom and friend are rude. They deserved what they got. No key for her any time soon. I wouldn’t punish Sally for her mom. It doesn’t sound like Sally was necessarily a part of this. If you have had no issues with her previously – let her stay, but just again express you know she knows, but your home is off limits when you are not there/not invited in.

dart1126 −  NTA I asked them what the emergency was that brought my mother into my house. Haha…love you. Busted, quite literally. And remind your mom you could have also said who is this person identifying herself as my “mom” and then cut the connection.

many_hobbies_gal −  NTA your Mother took liberties that were not hers to take and did so behind your back. She’s earned the consequences of not trusting her and taking your key back. If her friend has such an issue then she should have taken the friend and daughter back to her house for tea and cookies instead of breaking into your home.

spekkje −  NTA. They shouldn’t go in your place because ‘they don’t want to sit downstairs’. It is also kind of strange that your mom and Sally’s mom decide to go in your place.

RandomReddit9791 −  NTA, your mom and her friend both sound entitled. Using your key to secretly allow someone into your personal space is a violation of your privacyand trust. She deserved the consequences of her action. Hopefully you’ll allow the tenant to stay.

eirwen29 −  Holy s**t nta. Your mom is so entitled. I feel so bad for sally. Don’t kick her out. But absolutely give that key to your dad. Your mom literally broke into your house to hang out with someone because the suite wasn’t good enough for them.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, but don’t kick Sally out! This has nothing to do with her.

Ok-Ad3906 −  I love you most for using the somewhat old-fashioned term “apoplectic”! You just don’t see amazing words like this anymore, lmao!
That being said, NTA, OP! If they didn’t want to “hang out with Sally in a basement” (a full SUITE, no less), they all could’ve gone elsewhere (no judgment on Sally at ALL).
Take that emergency key, give it to your dad and ghost mom & her BFF for a while.. KEEP SALLY!! ☺️🙏🏻

Balancing personal freedom with the responsibilities that come with shared living arrangements is a tricky endeavor. While everyone deserves a break, making sure that there’s a safety net in place for those who rely on you is equally important. Have you ever experienced a miscommunication that led to a series of unexpected events?

How do you ensure that your absence doesn’t leave others in the lurch? Share your thoughts and stories—let’s discuss how best to maintain both our personal space and our commitments to those who count on us.