AITA for not letting my partner “fake propose” to me while on vacation?

A Reddit user (F28) shared a story about her vacation with her partner (M30) for their two-year anniversary, where the mood shifted when he suggested taking a “fake proposal” picture in front of the Eiffel Tower.

She assumed it was a ruse for a real proposal, which they hadn’t discussed yet, and declined. This led to a tense conversation later, with her partner feeling disappointed. She’s now questioning if she was wrong to refuse. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not letting my partner “fake propose” to me while on vacation?’

My (F28) partner (M30) and I went on vacation last week for our 2 year anniversary and just got back two days ago. It was a fantastic, amazing and romantic vacation all up to the point when my partner suggested we ask a stranger to take a picture of us in a “fake proposal” in front of the Eiffel Tower.

When he asked this, my heart started beating so fast, I immediately assumed he was saying “fake proposal” as a ruse for a real proposal, which is not something we have talked about yet.

I think I just said “wait what do you mean?” and he said that proposal pictures in this spot were really popular and that we should “take the opportunity” while we can. I said that I wasn’t really interested in a fake proposal picture and that I thought it was weird that he would suggest that.

We moved on pretty quickly and went to dinner. When we got back to our hotel that evening I asked him about it, since it had been on my mind and I could tell that I had actually really upset him.

I asked him explicitly “were you planning on actually proposing to me and I ruined it?” and he said no, that he doesn’t think we are ready for that step (and for the record, I agree. Our relationship was long distance for the first 8 mo and I am planning on moving in with him when my lease is up in January).

He said that he always thought the proposal picture in front of the Eiffel Tower was really romantic and that he’s worried whenever he actually does propose it won’t be as romantic as Paris, so he wanted to get the picture while we could.

I apologized but told him that I was only interested in actual proposal pictures, and that I would love them whenever/wherever it happened. He has been pretty crestfallen since this conversation and I really feel like I genuinely ruined something for him.

I called some friends when we got home and got mixed advice, some agreeing that it was a really odd request, and some saying I should have just taken the fake proposal photo which would have been no harm done. AITA for not taking the photo with him?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

AsparagusWTweak −  NTA. It is weird. And also tone deaf on his part. Like, what was he planning on doing with the photos? Anyone seeing them online would instantly think it was genuine before reading any accompanying text that explains it’s “fake”. Which is just a dickish move in itself.

The only way it would make sense is if he actually was planning on proposing and is too proud now to admit it. But you don’t “spring” a fake proposal idea for that. You just ask a stranger to take a few photos, and they’ll quickly realise what’s happening.

Fake proposals aren’t romantic. Even in front of the Eiffel Tower. And if he’s bummed because he genuinely just wanted to do a fake proposal for shits and giggles and you said no, then boohoo, he’s an adult, tell him to get over it.

1962Michael −  NTA. On the one hand he’s right that he might not have as romantic a spot to propose, when the time comes. But WTF are you supposed to do with “fake” proposal pictures? Save them until you get engaged and then send out 2yo photos and have everybody say “did they go to Paris again?”

It’s been made clear to me that I’m an old curmudgeon, but this focus on getting the perfect picture of an event is way overblown. Particularly with proposals, where you’re somehow supposed to get your GF to the top of a mountain at sunrise or a beach at sunset, with a friend hiding to take photos and keep it a surprise.

What is important (I imagine) is for YOU to FEEL a certain way when he proposes, not posting a fake photo on social media to announce it. This is a great opportunity for you to explain to him what you would ACTUALLY like your proposal to be like.

[Reddit User] −  You went to Paris for your two year anniversary, why wouldn’t you just plan to go again at a later date when he’s ready to propose?

I don’t think it’s a red flag, more like a yellow flag to the lack of thought and consideration to pay attention to other people’s perspectives outside of his own. NAH, but your boyfriend certainly made himself a little bit of a weirdo not thinking that plan through.

CandylandCanada −  NTA. Your friends have missed the point – it \*would\* have been harmful to you, and frankly, it’s just weird. Now you will always know that whatever proposal photo you take, it will be bf’s second choice. It taints your memory of the Eiffel Tower, too.
This is exceedingly odd, but you handled it as gracefully as you could.

Chilling_Storm −  Why would anyone want a picture of a fake event such as proposal of marriage?? The photo would never hold any value, it will never portray an event. Recreating a photo of the kiss in times square to celebrate the ending of a war – cool that is a fun one. But a marriage proposal?

Does he never plan to propose and wouldn’t he want one of the real deal instead? And what would he do with the fake picture? He’d have to explain to everyone that No he did not propose, he just wanted a fake one!. NTA

OkeyDokey654 −  NTA. What an odd thing for him to suggest. Was he going to hold onto that photo until he did propose, and then pretend it was fresh?

hypotheticalkazoos −  NTA. “Then we’ll just have to come back to paris when we’re ready 😘” 

Informal_Candy_2814 −  NTA you don’t live life for likes or fake moments.  If he proposes now, he already has in his mind that it won’t be as great as the fake one in front of the Eiffel tower.  That’s weird and not at all romantic. Also he was cruel with your emotions. 

rockology_adam −  NTA. This sounds like something he wants to do for the aesthetic and not for the emotions, and that’s not just fair to you. I wouldn’t want to do fake proposal photos either, at least, not unless the proposal was real.

That’s the real issue here. If he wanted to “redo” a real proposal for the art of it under the Eifel Tower, that’s fine. You could do a whole series of proposal pictures and often, people do pose in proposal situations for engagement photo shoots. That’s a celebration of your love, and artistic selves.

Your BF sounds like he just wants to celebrate his artistic self, and there are other options for an Eifel Tower shoot than proposal. He wants the trappings, not the engagement, and that’s weird.

To add in a paranoid perspective, it is also the kind of thing that someone would do to trick their parents or families or other people as to their status or their future planning. It could also be a way to garner followers or social media connections or marketing.

In any case, doing something like a proposal “for the aesthetic” rather than for the right reasons could be possible… if you were both into it. You’re not, and you are not the A-hole for it. If he is acting b**t hurt about it, you need to ask him why.

If his artistic sensibilities are more important to him than your feelings about a real proposal versus a fake one… you should question whether you want him to propose one day or not.

Square-Minimum-6042 −  No harm done, except to any respect you could have for this phony, cringe inducing man. If you *had* had the picture taken, he’d have to photo shop in the next GF. What a weirdo he is.

Do you think the Redditor overreacted by not participating in the fake proposal idea, or was it understandable given the context of their relationship? Would you have handled the situation differently? Share your thoughts below!