AITA for not letting my dad give his ticket to my brother?

A Redditor shares a family dilemma about an upcoming cycling event. The user (32M) and their father (who shares the same passion for cycling) planned to attend together, but when their mother found out, she expressed concern about the fairness to their brother (28M), with whom the Redditor has a strained relationship.

The father, wanting to keep the peace, offered to give his ticket to the brother, even though it’s uncertain whether the brother would be available or interested.

The Redditor is upset, feeling that their forgiveness toward their brother isn’t enough, and is standing their ground on wanting to attend the event with just their father. Read the full story below for more details.

‘ AITA for not letting my dad give his ticket to my brother?’

My brother (28m) and I (32m) don’t have a good relationship. He treated me terribly during a difficult time in my life and hasn’t apologized or shown any remorse. Despite this, I decided to forgive him for the sake of my parents and to keep the peace in the family.

I’ve made it clear that I’m not looking for a closer relationship with him, but I’ll show up to family events if invited. Fast forward to late December—there’s a big cycling event happening, which my dad and I were both interested in attending since it’s one of the few things we share a passion for.

I thought it would be nice to go together, so I called him, he was excited, and I bought two tickets. Then my mom found out and totally freaked out because my brother, who lives abroad, might be in the country that day. She was worried it would be “unfair” to him if my dad and I spent time together without him.

My dad, however, didn’t even know if my brother would be home that day. Meanwhile, the tickets sold out, so I told my mom I couldn’t get any more. I was relieved and thought I had saved myself from a fight about not wanting to go with him. She was really upset and called it “a horrible situation.”

I told her I didn’t think she should be acting this way over me simply inviting my dad to a cycling event. Last night (14 days later), my dad called to tell me he was planning to offer my ticket to my brother since he thought it would make things easier.

He doesn’t know if my brother is in the country at that date or whether my brother is even interested in attending, but he would offer him the ticket anyway. I told him I didn’t think that was right and that I wasn’t going to any sports event with my brother. If it’s such a big deal that I invited my dad to this event, then he could just stay home.

I’m really heart broken by this. I feel like I made a huge sacrifice by forgiving my brother, but it’s never good enough. They always demand more and now I can’t even invite my father to an event. AITA for not wanting my dad to give his ticket to my brother and for standing my ground on this?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

KaoJin-Wo −  NTA. I wouldn’t go with your brother either. If it’s so unfair in your mother’s opinion, why doesn’t she arrange to do something special with bro while you’re out with dad? Or dad can do something special alone with bro the next day?

It doesn’t have to be so ridiculous. I know a mom like that. It’s exhausting. Not just for you, but for your dad. I know you feel angry, but take a second to remember, he was excited about it and now he’s potentially having to give it up. Why? Badgering.

Easier to do what she wants at whatever cost to himself, than to listen to her carry on for who knows how long. I’m betting g she could hold a grudge for years without batting an eye.. Sorry dude. Hope it all works out!

dragonetta123 −  Just get the ticket back and go with a friend. Tell your parents you don’t want the hassle of them prioritising your brothers schedule over a planned events.

CannabisAttorney −  I’m estranged from my brother and had to tell my parents that if they didn’t stop “tricking” me into family time that involved him that the result would be seeing me a whole lot less.

This cycling event seems like exactly the type of thing they would have tried before I put my foot down. NTA. I can’t imagine spending 20 minutes in a car with my brother. Alone.

Irishsally −  Nta. They dont even know if your brother is visiting. It’s not like he planned the trip, and your dad blanked on remembering the date. So your brother is the golden child, huh? God forbid he randomly comes to his home country and can’t be in a bike race like seriously????

That’s your moms concern? Fairness? Fairness my foot. I would rescind the offer to bike with your dad . Withdraw from them substantially. It won’t change much with your relationship, seeing as they live on standby for your brother anyway ….

kem81 −  NTA. I would rescind the offer of going to the event. Get the ticket back from your dad if necessary. When they ask why, tell them that because they are prioritizing your brother on a might show up day over your scheduled well in advance outing, you’re tired of always being an afterthought to them.

Then go with a friend or sell the ticket(s). Let them know that they ruined something that was supposed to be a fun thing for you and your dad over your brothers possibility of being in town, and now you know for sure who the favored child is.

Then be done with bending over backwards for them and that includes being around them when your brother is around them. Remind them that they chose this, not you. You tried it their way and they wanted to shot on you. No more. Its your way now.

silky_link07 −  NTA. Do you have a friend who’d like to go with you instead? Because this is going to keep happening until you put up some boundaries with your parents.

Your mom doesn’t even know if your brother wants to go or if he’s even coming to visit and she’s already dictating your time. Did she kick up a fuss when dad and bro went on vacation without you? Or does the whole “family” nonsense only count when your brother is excluded?

HughMadboro −  NTA. Tell your dad you were really excited to do this with him, thought he was too, and are hurt that he’s trying to impose your brother on you instead. Tell your mom that her whole attitude over this is nonsense.

That she needs to let you and your dad enjoy time together, and that if she interferes like this again your tolerance of your brother in order to attend family events will end, and you will make no further effort to involve her in your life in any way.

SavingsRhubarb8746 −  Tell your father that you will not be going with your brother, and if he (your father) is now declining your invitation you’ll invite someone else or return or sell both tickets.

And you need a final decision from your father now as to whether he will or will not use the ticket, because the cost of the ticket will be wasted if he cancels at the last minute.

You will not accept your brother as a substitute for your father if your father does cancel. NTA. When you invite a guest to go to an event, said guest must not substitute another person. This applies within families as well as among friends.

elldee50 −  YTA for letting your parents treat you like s**t and not sticking up for yourself. Have they done anything to try to resolve this with your brother? Has he made any compromises “to keep the peace in the family? If the answer is no then you’re being taken advantage of and letting them get away with it. Stick up for yourself.

No_Cockroach4248 −  Resell the tickets; your mom is trying to get you to reconcile with your brother and your dad will go along with whatever your mom wants to keep the peace at home and your brother is your mom’s golden child. NTA, you have to be firm with both your parents or your mom will continue to try and push your boundaries

Do you think the Redditor is justified in standing their ground, or should they have given in to avoid further family tension? How would you handle a situation like this where family expectations clash with personal boundaries? Share your thoughts below!