AITA for not lending money to my parents, who lends money to my older brother? ?

A Redditor, a 26-year-old living with their parents, finds themselves caught in a family crisis. Their older brother has been struggling with depression and financial instability after a breakup, frequently relying on their parents for money.

The situation has escalated, with the parents now asking the Redditor to help financially support the brother, including covering payments for his house and other bills.

While the Redditor cares for their family, they worry that this pattern will never end and want to prioritize their own financial independence. They’re now wondering if they’re wrong for refusing to continue lending money. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not lending money to my parents, who lends money to my older brother? ?’

It’s been 4 years since my (26M) brother (34M) moved to the opposite side of the country. After he broke up with his girlfriend, his life went out of control. He is depressed. He drinks alcohol. It’s been 2 years of that. We’ve been trying to help him, arranging meetings with psychiatrists. Visiting him. But I don’t see him wanting to improve. I just don’t.

He started with financial problems and he’s asking for money to my parents on a daily basis. (He used to ask for money before but not with this frequency). My parents are now o**rwhelmed with this situation because my brother bought a house and they are paying for it every month. He has debts with the bank and his salary is not enough.

Whenever my parents try to put limits on these money requests, he starts saying that he should no longer be living in this world. Is that manipulation? Today my parents asked me to lend them money to pay my brother’s bills. I gave them the money. (I work at a company, 9-5 time).

I have a decent salary, but I don’t want to keep lending money, because my brother and family won’t stop. I’m already paying for services in this house. I want to move from parents house too. I want to live my life, I feel very sad for my family.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Successful_Bath1200 −  NTA. He sounds very m**ipulative. Set boundaries with your parents on this, do not lend them any more money for him, you will never see it again. If you do set up a formal signed agreement with a repayment schedule.

solo_throwaway254247 −  1. Next time he starts threatening to leave this world, report him to the relevant authorities. Keep doing that every single time.

2. Stop giving them money. Don’t discuss your finances with your parents. If you get a raise or a bonus, don’t tell them because you will then be expected to give them (and him) the money.

3. Start putting away money to move out. Is there a friend with an extra room that you can move in with? It will be cheaper to pay rent for such a place and you can slowly work on moving out to your own place. 

xhevnobski −  NTA. You’re only enabling his and your parents’ behavior by giving them money. Don’t do it anymore and draw a hard line. Unless you want to be manipulated yourself and get your bank account drained.

rdmfeyna −  Oof. Nta my dude. He is definitely m**ipulative and I wouldn’t want to support him. If he were trying, sure.

Aware_Welcome_8866 −  NTA. No, just no. Your parents can lend him all the money they want, but they can’t lend your money. If they want, you can quit paying for services at their house and send the money to your brother. But you contribute to only one home, not 2. Your parents are really enabling your brother. It’s going to be hard, but don’t do the same. I have faith in you.

creative_usr_name −  NTA. You should also check and freeze your credit.

Aggressive_Cup8452 −  So he’s too depressed to pay his bills but not depressed enough to buy a house.. he’s not even renting.. he has mortgage.  You’re still living with your parents.. at 26. So he does have a job and he’s getting money.. but it’s fun money for him… NtA. . He must have a great life.

teresajs −  NTA. Don’t give your parents money again.  Period. Tell Mom and Dad that you can’t afford to support your brother.  He needs to sell his 🏡 f he can’t afford it. 

stella_peachyx −  Not the a**hole, it’s your bother, it’s okay to help but if your brother doesn’t want to help himself it might be time to prioritize yourself. And for your parents, you may need to hold back on giving them money since they’re just going to hand it over your brother, who’s good at manipulating.

rt_gilly −  Definitely NTA. Because you willing gave to help out your family, and because you feel sad for your family. Those are not AH moves. An AH is someone who takes on more debt than he can afford and expects others to pay for it for him.

He’s someone who blames all of his problems on others or outside forces. He’s someone who refuses to live up to his potential and who manipulates his parents into giving him money well into his adulthood — kind of like your brother.

You can feel sad for him, that’s very compassionate of you. But you also need to provide that same compassion towards yourself. You have goals and dreams, and you work hard for them. You deserve to use the money you make for those to come true.

Don’t let your parents guilt you into paying for your brother’s bad choices ever again. If they want to subsidize his poor lifestyle that’s their business. They raised him so they are partly responsible for how he turned out. You are not, however.

If he’s threatening suicide, call the authorities where he lives, have them do a mental health check. If he gets mad about that, it was definitely a manipulation tactic – don’t fall victim. Save your money, get your own place and keep him at arms distance for as long as you want. Feel sad for him, but from a place where you aren’t sacrificing your own future for someone who won’t even be grateful.

Do you think the Redditor is justified in setting boundaries on lending money, given their brother’s ongoing struggles and lack of change? How should the family address the root of the issue while balancing emotional and financial needs? Share your thoughts below!