AITA for not inviting my sister to my baby shower?
A Reddit user expressed her feelings about not inviting her sister to her upcoming baby shower after a tumultuous journey to pregnancy. After suffering multiple miscarriages, she was hurt when her sister announced she was using the same baby names they had chosen.
Despite trying to communicate her feelings, her sister dismissed her concerns, leading to ongoing tension. After learning her sister named her daughter using variations of those names, the user decided to exclude her from the baby shower, feeling it’s more about her sister’s hurtful comments than the names themselves. Read the original story below:
‘ AITA for not inviting my sister to my baby shower?’
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for several years. We had a really hard time conceiving, but after a few years of trying we finally got pregnant. We told our family the news, and told them the baby names we had picked: Violet for a girl, and Carson for a boy. We unfortunately lost the baby in the second trimester.
Then we experienced two more miscarriages (both in the first trimester), and went through a couple more rounds of failed IVF. It was a very difficult and traumatic time for us.
We visited my family over the 2022 winter holidays, and my sister announced that she was pregnant. I was genuinely happy for her, until she told us the names they’d chosen: Violet for a girl, Carson for a boy. I took her aside and told her that I was very happy for her pregnancy, but hurt and confused that she would choose our baby names, especially with everything we’ve been through. And she basically said, “don’t try to pull the miscarriage card on me, you can’t call dibs on a name.”
I tried talking to her a couple more times about it, but each time she’d say things like “you might never have kids, you can’t just keep those names in reserve forever,” and was just so hurtful. I stopped bringing it up for the sake of keeping the peace, and after a few months she told my parents she wasn’t going to use either of those names.
But wouldn’t tell anybody what name they HAD chosen. Fast forward to a couple months ago, and she gave birth to her baby girl: Violetta Karsyn. And I’m just so hurt.
I found out in the early spring that I’m pregnant, and I’m far enough along now that the doctors feel pretty good about everything, and we let our families know last month. My mom and her friends have planned a baby shower, but I told her I do not want my sister invited. My mom said I’m being an AH for not inviting her over the baby name, but at this point it’s not even about the name to me anymore. It’s the malicious comments, the lack of compassion, and the overall pettiness.
So tell me, good people of Reddit: AITA for not inviting my sister to my baby shower?
(For further context, prior to this my sister and I were decent terms. She’s always been competitive and attention seeking, and growing up she’d find ways to one-up me or make my special occasions, like my birthday party or HS graduation, all about her. But NEVER to this extent.)
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Allaboutbird − NTA. I’m usually on team “you can’t call dibs on a name” but the fact that she chose BOTH names you had picked and is completely dismissive of the pain caused by a miscarriage makes it seem like this is more about hurting you than choosing a name she really likes.
Famous_Specialist_44 − I realize people can’t call dibs on names but “the lack of compassion” demonstrated by your sister is poor form. Her ‘alternative’ spellings of both names seems spiteful. You’re NTA for not wanting her at the baby shower – have nice people there to share your joy.
Dittoheadforever − You’re NTA. Sounds like your mom is in some denial about how her other daughter has behaved all her life.
She’s always been competitive and attention seeking, and growing up she’d find ways to one-up me or make my special occasions, like my birthday party or HS graduation, all about her.
She told my parents she wasn’t going to use either of those names… she gave birth to her baby girl: Violetta Karsyn. And your mom doesn’t see the problem? No, it’s not *just* about the name. It’s about narcissistic egotism, lies, and mocking your tragedies.
Sugar_Mama76 − Petty Me says: I remember a story a while back about a man who got a female dog and named it after his ex wife (who lived behind him) so he could yell “Susan, you b***h, quit pissing on the bushes!” and so on.
Just sayin….female puppy, sisters name. Cause you can’t call dibs on a name….
Not Petty Me says: First and foremost, I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and give birth to a happy healthy baby. What you’ve been through is awful and you deserve your little miracle. Name the baby whatever you want. If someone asks, just laugh and say how funny it is that she named her daughter that. You’ve known for years your baby will be Violet or Carson. Great minds, of course…
Your sister will rage but why do you want that in your life? You’re NTA for cutting out that level of toxic in your life. She named the baby deliberately, digging it in that she has a baby and you don’t. Nobody needs that. Live your life the way you want and let her stew in her own toxicity.
And tell Mom that if sister shows up at the shower, you’re going to announce to the crowd that a person there deliberately mocked your miscarriages and fertility difficulties and you will not be in the same room with that person. Then leave. The gossip fallout will be glorious.
sunset-tx-armadillo − NTA -Your sister is right, normally no one has the right to call “dibs” on a name. But her comments to you showed her callous disregard of your feelings. Y’all have struggled for years to have this baby. You deserve to have a day about you surrounded by people who are truly happy for you. Sister can stay home!
CatCatCatCubed − NTA. Would choose 2 new names, as difficult as that might be, and not tell anyone. Would also get 2 hamsters or goldfish and name them after the sister and her husband (that is, if Violet & Carson would be too difficult). Every new generation of hamster would have the same names. But I’m revenge-petty like that.
Intelligent-Bite9660 − NTA. Definitely don’t invite her if she has always been like this. Die on this hill
I would still stick to the names you chose. She doesn’t own those names. She also never has to see your child
WholeAd2742 − NTA. That is very s**tty and cruel behavior given the miscarriage
Disastrous-Nail-640 − NTA. This isn’t about the names. Your sister has shown she doesn’t give two shits about you. And if your mother can’t understand that, then she’s a problem as well.
Go no contact with sister and be done. She doesn’t deserve a spot in your life.
SeaServalKing − NTA! Idk I’m petty and I’d still name my child either name depending on gender. I wouldn’t care, she had ZERO disregard for your feelings with her comment.
Given the context of their strained relationship, many may empathize with her choice. It raises questions about family dynamics and the sensitivity surrounding baby names. For more details, read the full story below!