AITA for not helping my boyfriend after he had a car accident?

A 17-year-old girl’s boyfriend was in a serious car accident due to reckless driving and is now facing a long recovery. Despite feeling sympathy for him, she refuses to help because she previously warned him about his dangerous habits, including using his phone while driving.

His family is upset with her lack of support, and he is angry as well. She is torn but remains firm on her promise not to assist him. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not helping my boyfriend after he had a car accident? ‘

My boyfriend was in a car accident. He broke his left leg, a**le and forearm, and he’ll be out of comission for at least nine months. Overall he’s OK and I’m glad and thankful for it. So why aren’t you helping him?_ Because I said I wouldn’t and I’m sticking to my guns but it’s getting harder to do so everyday.

You see, my boyfriend is a reckless driver. He eats, drinks (not alcohol; doesn’t like beer or spirits) and is always on his cell phone whenever he’s driving. It’s been a point of contention ever since I met him to point that I’ve either taken the wheel or left him and taken an Uber home because I didn’t felt safe. Ironically, he’s never been stopped or gotten a ticket over it.

So why did you said you weren’t going to help him?_ About three months ago, we were coming back from a weekend getaway, and while he was driving, he was watching a race on cell phone, a race! I offered to take the wheel so he could enjoy it but said no.

**We got into a huge fight and it ended when I said that if he were to get into an accident, no matter how bad, I wouldn’t help him.** He got quiet and we made it back home safely. Fast forward nine weeks later, he has an accident, a big one. He lost control and rolled over hitting a tree rigth on the driver’s side.

He spent two weeks in the hospital and was discharged a few days ago. During his time in the hospital, he confessed to me that he was distracted by his cell phone, which wasn’t surprising. Since he lives by himself, it’s been quite difficult to go on with his life.

I visit him but I don’t help him and while it does hurt me, I am standing firm with my promise. He got himself into this situation, why should I have to pay for it? On top of that, his family is all over me and quite displeased that I am not over there. Since all of them live miles away from where he is, they can’t be there to help him.

My boyfriend is understandibly angry with me but I can’t bring myself to be there for him even after all the warning I told him. So here I am, asking if IATA here, and if I am, I’ll bring myself around and be there for him.

Lets dive into the reactions from Reddit:

lectricpharaoh −  Regularly on his phone, and not just glancing at it, but *watching a g**damn video*? Yeah, NTA. He could have f**king *killed* someone, and even now, all he thinks about is himself? You’re not being an a**hole at all, but he’s being a *huge* one.

Hopefully, he learns from this, but I’m not holding my breath. Personally, I think people like this (and drunk drivers, too) should lose their license permanently, because of the danger they pose to others on the road.

Fulton_P01135809 −  Sounds like a good time to leave him. It could be your life or limbs next time

otisandme −  NTA. What can’t understand is why you were riding in a car with him while we watched a race? As others have said, I don’t know why you haven’t broken up with him. He’s not only irresponsible, he is reckless and not concerned about putting others in danger INCLUDING YOU.

Yes he has broken bones, but you could have been in that accident too and you willingly ride with him. You don’t have to go be his nurse, he should probably move in with family while he recovers. Sure he’s remorseful now because he’s hurt. I don’t believe his values have changed. 

Aggressive_Cattle320 −  NTA I can understand why you would be angry because he did bring this on himself. However, big warning… This guy is going to kill someone, one of these days. You could be in the car with him when he crashes into another vehicle full of innocents. This is a disaster waiting to happen.

He’s shown that he is not responsible behind the wheel. His phone should be locked in the trunk while he drives if he can’t stay away from it. One second of distraction is all it takes. Not only would I leave him to fend for himself at home, but I’d leave him to fend for himself in life.

People like this don’t change unless something happens that stops them for good. Jail or 6 feet under are two likely possibilities that come to mind if he continues on his reckless path. You deserve far more than that in life.

Aware_Welcome_8866 −  INFO: Has he said anything that makes you think he’s learned his lesson?

needabook55 −  NTA. But you are being an AH to yourself by staying with this guy. What if you had been in the car with him during the accident. What if you have kids with him someday and he is distracted driving and ends up in an accident with the kid in the backseat…and the accident causes the child to be injured, paralyzed, or God forbid, killed.

At that point, you would also carry some blame because you have continued the relationship with him and have willingly gotten into a car with him behind the wheel.
Next time he is behind the wheel, he could kill someone. Report him to the police as a chronic distracted driver. He shouldn’t be allowed to drive.

Pipsnsqueek −  YTA – not for not helping him, but for staying with someone who you know their driving could kill them, you or others. I mean what’s your end goal – to marry him and have kids that he may kill in a car one day? You know the seriousness of this, but what is the point in not helping him – just leave him.

Either way your relationship will not work long term. He may or may not be showing it now but his level of resentment towards you must be through the roof.

doesitnotmakesense −  Just break up, you don’t have a future together for sure. NTA. It’s not like you will trust him to drive your kids ever. Where is this even going? You’re punishing him and there’s no in sickness and in health.

And he may not change his ways, and even if he did, he’s going to resent your treatment of him and you won’t trust him again anyway. Just say bye and go your own ways lol.

jmobstfeld −  NTA but you should probably break up. What the heck?

friendlily −  NTA but I think you’re asking yourself the wrong questions (in the OP anyway).  My question is why are you still with a reckless, careless person like this?

It’s a tough situation where personal boundaries and accountability clash with compassion. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!