AITA for not helping my (23F) husband (25M) get ready for work?

Every couple has their own morning routine, but sometimes those routines can spark unexpected conflict. Our OP, a 23‑year‑old mother who recently transitioned to working from home, shares her side of a dispute where her husband (25M) was furious for not helping him get ready for work one hectic morning.

After a late night with friends and tending to their child throughout the night, she finally managed to rest a bit. When her husband woke up, he immediately started yelling about the alarm and demanding help to prepare for his day, an expectation that left her exasperated.

‘AITA for not helping my (23F) husband (25M) get ready for work?’

Expert Opinion:

Navigating daily routines and household responsibilities can be tricky, especially in relationships where roles have shifted over time. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, emphasizes that “fair division of daily tasks is essential for maintaining a balanced partnership; neglecting this can lead to resentment on both sides.”

In our OP’s situation, her frustration stems from years of unreciprocated efforts. When she was the sole breadwinner, her early mornings were quiet and self-managed, whereas now, with a change in her working conditions, she expects that mutual support should follow.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson often notes that “communication about everyday responsibilities is key to avoiding conflict. When one partner assumes their needs will be met without discussion, misunderstandings and feelings of neglect arise.”

For our OP, the lack of explicit conversations about morning routines has allowed resentment to build up. Her husband’s abrupt demands—especially after a night of shared responsibilities like tending to their child—exacerbate the situation, making his expectations feel both ungrateful and arbitrary.

Furthermore, research in the Journal of Family Psychology suggests that when roles in a relationship are not renegotiated after significant life changes, such as transitioning to working from home, the imbalance can lead to chronic stress and dissatisfaction.

Dr. Michael P. Nichols, a family counselor, advises, “When one partner continues to expect the same level of support as before, despite changes in circumstances, it becomes a breeding ground for conflict.” In this case, the old habits of demanding help in the morning clash with the new reality of shared responsibilities, leaving our OP questioning why she should bear the brunt of his unchanged expectations.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community largely empathizes with our OP’s frustration. Many commenters agree that if you’ve consistently handled your own mornings and your partner never reciprocated help, it’s unfair to suddenly expect support. Some suggest that the issue might be resolved through open communication about evolving responsibilities, while others remark humorously that if he’s used to running on his own, he should continue to do so without complaining. Overall, most agree that her reaction, although blunt, is understandable given the longstanding imbalance.