AITA for not giving my former SIL the necklace I had made from my wedding rings from my deceased husband?

In the delicate aftermath of loss, few objects carry as much emotional weight as a memento of a loved one. For one 27‑year‑old woman, the necklace fashioned from her late husband’s wedding rings isn’t just jewelry—it’s a living tribute to a love that was tragically cut short.

This cherished piece accompanies her every day, serving as both a comfort and a tangible connection to the memories they created together. Now, on the brink of a new chapter with her fiancé, she faces an unexpected request from her former sister‑in‑law Ava, who believes the necklace should belong to her as the surviving sibling.

Yet the proposal struck a nerve. While some voices in her inner circle argue that parting with the necklace might help her embrace her new life, she sees it as a permanent reminder of a bond that shaped who she is. For her, this necklace is not an object to be shared or traded—it’s an intimate part of her past that she isn’t willing to relinquish, even as she steps forward into a promising future.

‘AITA for not giving my former SIL the necklace I had made from my wedding rings from my deceased husband?’

When I (27F) was 22 I got married to my high school sweetheart who passed away five months after we married when a drunk driver drove into his car.
It took me a while to take off my rings, and when I did I didn’t want them to just sit in a draw forever. So, I took them to a jeweller and had his and my rings melted down and used the gold and the stones to make a pendent and some small stud earrings.

I have the earrings in my jewellery box and I wear the necklace everyday. One, because I like the way it looks and two, because I like the idea of having a tangible part of him with me always. Last month my boyfriend (34M) of almost two years proposed to me and I said yes.

I keep in touch with my former SIL (29F) who we will call Ava and last weekend she invited me out for drinks. We caught up a bit before she congratulated me on my engagement, she then asked me if she could have my necklace since it would mean more to her as his sister then it would to me now that I was getting remarried and moving on.

Which honestly stunned me that anyone would outright ask for something like that. I told her I would think about it and moved the conversation along but went home shortly after as it was just awkward. I just want to make it clear that it is not an heirloom piece, or overly expensive. It was a small emerald ring that we found on holiday at a local jeweller and I fell in love with it.

I told my best friend (F28) about it and she said that it seemed strange that I was still so attached to it given its history and my new engagement. She thinks that I should probably give it to Ava as it would mean more to her, and I should shed anything from my old life and embrace my new one.

She said that I should get a new necklace and make new memories, and that she would go with me or I could ask my fiancé. But the thing is yes, I have moved on, and I am completely happy in my relationship and I am so excited for the life we are creating together.

But a part of my will always have love for my former husband and mourn him and the life that we could have had together, and I don’t think that that takes away anything from my new relationship. They are different loves and lives.

But now it feels silly to me that I have conveyed all this into a necklace. My fiancé says he does not care and he knows that I love him and our life together, and understands that I will always have some level of grief and that he loves how I have loved and keep loving and how I embrace life and people because of my experience.

Sorry that my English is bad, it is my only language and I have no real excuse – but I work nightshift I think that it lowers my brain function sometimes. So AITA for not wanting to give my former SIL my necklace?.

Standing by personal mementos during times of transition can be both healing and affirming. Renowned grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt explains, “Keeping a memento of a loved one—especially something as personal as a piece of jewelry—can be an essential part of the healing process. It allows us to acknowledge our loss while integrating the memory into our new lives.” This perspective validates the choice to keep the necklace as a tribute, rather than surrender it to someone else’s notion of what it should represent.

Moreover, the emotional significance attached to such heirlooms cannot be underestimated. For many, these items encapsulate the intimate moments, love, and pain of the past. In this case, the necklace represents not just a memory of a lost husband, but a piece of the poster’s identity forged in both joy and sorrow. As Dr. Wolfelt emphasizes, the act of preserving such mementos is a personal journey—a way to hold onto one’s history without compromising the possibility of future happiness.

Another important facet to consider is the symbolic nature of sharing versus keeping. While some argue that giving the necklace away could signal moving on, it might also feel like erasing a part of oneself. Grief expert Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor notes, “Honoring your past does not prevent you from embracing new relationships; it enriches your personal narrative.” The necklace, in her view, is a testament to love’s enduring impact, regardless of whether one chooses to display it publicly or keep it private.

Finally, this situation highlights the broader debate between personal sentiment and familial expectations. The former sister‑in‑law’s request, though perhaps well‑intentioned, disregards the intimate history between the poster and her late husband. It suggests that sentimental artifacts can be reassigned based on convenience rather than genuine emotional connection. In a world where mementos are often used to mend or symbolize relationships, it’s crucial to remember that not every piece of the past is meant for public sharing.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly sided with the poster, arguing that the necklace is an irreplaceable symbol of her love and loss. Many commented that it would be inappropriate—and even insensitive—to give away something so personal, noting that memories and mementos of loved ones should be preserved by the person who holds them dear.

Dittoheadforever −  You’re NTA. The necklace is yours and it is wildly inappropriate for your former sister in law to ask for it. it would mean more to her as his sister then it would to me now that I was getting remarried and moving on. That’s ridiculous. I’m sure she has other things that remind her of her brother.

Of course, they’re probably not jewels… but she has no connection to the ones in the necklace as you and he picked them out together. She said that I should get a new necklace and make new memories. I see nothing wrong with hanging on to a momento of someone who helped make you who you are.

Pollythepony1993 −  NTA. He is not your former husband. He is your late husband and will always be your late husband. The rings were something that sealed your bond. Between you and him. Not anyone else, not his and his sister. Even though the rings are now a necklace it still is a reminder of the life you had together.

Your past is your past and you are allowed to keep stuff from the past. Otherwise we would all have to get rid of heirlooms and other stuff from our pasts. Yes you are moving on and you are in a new relationship and will even get married. But it does not mean your old relationship is worthless. It is not like you are living a new life. It does not work that way. You are you because of your past. 

time-watertraveler −  Absolutely NTA. Do not give her the necklace. This means nothing to her as she has no real memories attached to it, but you do. You and your husband picked up that ring, on a vacation that you took together, in a moment where the stars aligned. It was not just a ring and is not just a pendant. It is part of your life, and it holds both the happiest and the saddest parts of it.

And all of that made you who you are now. Your fiance understands that without all these life experiences, you two might not even be together right now. He doesn’t deny your past and the existence of someone you loved and that you carry him with you. Don’t start now, just because others think you can just erase the past

[Reddit User] −  I told my best friend (F28) about it and she said that it seemed strange that I was still so attached to it given its history and my new engagement. She thinks that I should probably give it to Ava as it would mean more to her. Why does it seem like everyone on AITA has incredibly s**tty friends!??! You are NTA. Keep the piece for yourself.

[Reddit User] −  Nta that necklace is your necklace. He’s not your ex husband or someone you fell out of love with. He passed away, you have every right to move on and still carry his ring/your necklace with you. If you were comfortable giving it to her fine but you gave her an answer. Everyone else needs to respect that

Ok_Discount_7889 −  NTA – what a weird request and I’m shocked at your friend’s response. It might be different if we were talking about his high school letterman jacket or baseball card collection. Something that individually belonged to and represented him. These are literally your wedding rings – a symbol of your JOINT union – why would anyone else want them or feel entitled to them? Weird.

As others have mentioned, the only person’s opinion I think matters (other than your own) is your new fiancé’s. And even then, if his opinion was get rid of anything that reminds you of your first marriage so we can pretend it didn’t happen, I’d question if he was mature enough to be married. He sounds like a good guy, someone your first husband I hope would have liked. Congratulations and everyone else can kick rocks.

Icy_Department_1423 −  NTA. It is your jewelry that still holds great meaning to you. She had a lot of audacity to ask that of you. Congratulations on finding new love.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. You were married to the man and planned on spending the rest of your life with him. The ring wasn’t a family piece or anything so I think it’s a bit odd that she would ask for it. Maybe try talking with her about why she wants it? Never know, her mom could be after it or whatever the case may be, definitely worth a chat imo.

FranzLimit −  I don’t get why this necklace should be worth less to you now? Every relationship you ever had is part of you. A very good friend of mine died about 12 years ago. It would sound uttmost ridicolous to me if someone said to me that I should forget my past because I have new friends now.

This statement sounds even worse if this person was your partner. Don’t get trapped in the past but as long as you manage that you should be allowed to embrace it if you want to. Of course you are NTA but you really also shoudln’t feel bad for still thinking about the time you had with him.

After_Obligation_656 −  NTA – it’s arrogant for someone else to tell you something of yours means more to them than to you and you need a new friend.

Ultimately, the decision to keep the necklace is a deeply personal one—rooted in love, memory, and the complex process of healing. While some might see it as a relic of the past that hinders moving forward, for her, it remains a cherished emblem of a pivotal chapter in her life.

What do you think? Should personal mementos remain private treasures, or is there room to share them as a way of honoring collective memory? Join the discussion and share your perspective—your insight might be the key to understanding how we balance love, loss, and new beginnings.