AITA for not dating a single dad, even if he's a victim?

Dating is hard enough without being pressured into a situation you never wanted in the first place. That’s exactly what happened to OP (19F), who went on one date with Ben (25M) only to find out he had two kids. She knew from the start that dating someone with children wasn’t for her, so she politely declined a second date.

But instead of accepting her decision, Ben pushed for an explanation—and when she gave him one, he spiraled. Now, their mutual friends think she should apologize to “keep the peace,” but OP is left wondering: Why should she have to say sorry for having her own boundaries?

‘AITA for not dating a single dad, even if he’s a victim?’

Expert Analysis:

No Means No—Even in Dating

OP’s experience highlights a troubling trend where men refuse to accept rejection at face value. Instead of taking “no” as an answer, they demand a “valid” reason, hoping to pressure the person into changing their mind.

According to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist specializing in modern relationships, this behavior stems from male entitlement in dating culture. Some men feel they are owed a relationship or, at the very least, a full explanation for rejection. In reality, women do not owe anyone an explanation for not wanting to date them. A simple “I’m not interested” should always be enough.

Ben’s response—insisting he’s a “victim,” playing on guilt, and even making a creepy comment about “younger girls liking experienced men”—are all signs of someone who doesn’t respect boundaries.

The Victim Mentality & Lack of Accountability

Ben’s biggest excuse? He was “baby trapped” and had it harder than OP. This is a classic victim mentality, where a person refuses to take accountability for their own choices.

Let’s break it down:

At 18, he had unprotected s// and got someone pregnant.
Years later, he did it again.
Now, instead of acknowledging that he played an equal role in those pregnancies, he blames the women and claims he was “trapped.”

According to the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people who frequently blame others for their life circumstances often struggle with emotional maturity and responsibility—two major red flags in a partner.

The Red Flags of a Manipulative Dating Style

Beyond the fact that OP isn’t obligated to date a single dad, Ben’s behavior raises some serious red flags:

He wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. Instead of respecting her decision, he pressured her for a reason. That’s a problem.
He used guilt and self-pity as a weapon. Saying he had a hard life and was a “victim” was an attempt to make OP feel bad enough to reconsider.
His “younger girls like experienced men” comment was creepy. This phrase is often used by men who deliberately seek younger women to manipulate or control them. It suggests he may prefer dating younger women because they are easier to influence. (Source: Psychology Today on Grooming and Power Imbalances in Relationships)

He downplayed his responsibilities as a father. Saying, “I don’t even see my kids that often” as if that would make OP feel better is not a flex—it’s a sign of irresponsibility. A good father is involved in his children’s lives, not using them as an excuse to gain sympathy.

Lessons Learned & Moving Forward

You Don’t Owe Anyone a Relationship—or an Explanation. OP was more than polite in turning Ben down, yet he still demanded justification. This is a huge red flag. No one should ever feel pressured to explain why they don’t want to date someone.
Beware of Guilt-Tripping and Victim Complexes. Ben immediately shifted the blame for his life circumstances onto others. This behavior is emotionally manipulative and a major sign of someone who avoids accountability.
Creepy Comments Are a Dealbreaker. The “younger girls like experienced men” remark should have been enough for OP to walk away. Any man who romanticizes a power imbalance in relationships is someone to avoid.
Mutual Friends Aren’t Always Right. OP’s friends should be supporting her decision, not pressuring her to make peace with someone who refused to respect her boundaries. If they truly believe apologizing is necessary just to “keep the peace,” it may be time to reconsider these friendships.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Most commenters pointed out that Ben’s reaction was the real issue here—not the fact that he had kids. Some emphasized that OP dodged a major bullet by seeing his true colors early on. Others questioned why their mutual friends were so invested in protecting Ben’s feelings over OP’s right to choose who she dates.

A few also raised concerns about how Ben views relationships in general, given his attitude toward responsibility, rejection, and younger women.