AITA for not “being supportive” of my girlfriend’s decision of running a half-marathon?

A Reddit user shares a situation where his girlfriend signed up for a half-marathon, even though she isn’t a runner, to avoid attending an event on the same day. As a seasoned runner, the user offered advice to help her prepare properly, suggesting she build a cardio base to avoid injury.

His girlfriend, however, felt he was being unsupportive and discouraging, especially since she doesn’t share the same fitness level as him. Read the story below to see how their disagreement unfolded.

‘ AITA for not “being supportive” of my girlfriend’s decision of running a half-marathon?’

I (28M) have a gf (28F) that just recently decided to sign up for a half-marathon come December. The reason why she signed up is because she doesn’t want to go to an event that’s also happening that day so she has a built-in excuse (That’s pretty wild to me). She asked me beforehand and I told her I thought that was a bad idea.

She doesn’t like running (nor does she runs) and she could find another excuse that isn’t running a half-marathon. She still signed up anyways. She then told me that she will follow a 12-week plan for running the half-marathon that was given to her with her inscription.

Here’s the thing, I’m a runner in an elite running club, I’ve run over a dozen half-marathons and countless 5ks and 10ks in my life. This summer I ran a 10k and a half-marathon. I finished 5th overall in the 10k, and 12th in my category for the half-marathon. I’m by no means a “good” runner (good as in make a living running) but I do know what I’m talking about.

She’s often talked about wanting to get “in shape” which I’ve always encouraged but never pushed for (it’s not my place). About a month ago she started to go to Barre classes and she’s enjoying them quite a bit (I’ve gone with her a couple times too), so I assumed that going to Barre classes was the final motivation she needed to sign up for the half-marathon.

Anyways, I advised her to start walking and jogging now before she starts the 12-weeks program. I told her that she needs to build a cardio-base before she takes on a half-marathon program that includes jogging, repetitions, intervals, long-distance, hills, etc. She doesn’t want to because she’s not willing to stop going to Barre classes and she gets tired doing two workouts a day.

I told her that a half-marathon is a *lot* mileage and that she needed to get extra prepared so she doesn’t get injured in the race. She said she’s not interested in achieving a “good time” and just that she wants to finish, even if it’s walking.

Also that she has a cardio base from playing basketball growing up (she stopped playing basketball 8 years ago). I told her that she made this commitment and that she should take it more seriously, 12-weeks for a half-marathon is a pretty standard program when you have been running and you want to hit your peak in the race, not when you’re about to start from scratch.

That was the last straw and she got really upset with me saying that I was trying to put her down, not being supportive of her, and that it’s not easy for her when her boyfriend is in great shape and she isn’t. At that point I apologized for making her feel that way and that I would drop it. I do feel that I need to find a better way to approach it but I want to know was I the A**hole?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

notmappedout −  YTA, but it’s not that big of a deal. She’s telling you how she feels about the race:

She said she’s not interested in achieving a “good time” and just that she wants to finish, even if it’s walking. But you’re coming at this from the perspective of someone who thinks races are serious business. I told her that she made this commitment and that she should take it more seriously.

She justs want to do this to do this. She doesn’t want to take it too seriously. She wants to enjoy it and do it at her own pace on her own time.

evelbug −  YTA – “oh no, she’s doing my thing and she’s not doing it the way I think it should be done”. That’s what you sound like.

rmric0 −  YTA. I told her that she made this commitment and that she should take it more seriously. She’s not marrying running, she signed up for a half-marathon. Best case scenario is that it kicks her b**t and she takes it more seriously next time, worst case is that she bails halfway into it or has to walk it out if she’s determined to finish.

hubertburnette −  I *think* you’re NTA, but I also think the way you wrote this is causing a lot of people to misunderstand you. I think a lot of people are interpreting your “take it more seriously” as “really try to get a good time.” But I don’t think that’s what you meant.

I think you meant “take more seriously” the potential for self-injury in jumping into the 12-week training course, since that course is meant for people who are already runners. So, you’re worried about her hurting herself, and that’s a legitimate concern. Hell, just walking 13 miles in a single day is a *lot*.. Is that what you meant?

SqueekyOwl −  YTA. It’s just a half marathon. She can walk it if she wants. She can quit if she wants. She can sleep in instead if she wants. There’s no consequence for not running a half marathon that she signed up for. It’s not even that big of a commitment. No one (except you) are going to care if she doesn’t do it.

The only risk is if she doesn’t train, and pushes her body too hard at the marathon and hurts herself. Rather than acting like she should become an avid runner just because she signed up for a half marathon, you should support her decision to participate in the marathon at her comfort level in a safe way.

She isn’t risking injury yet, so you were out of line with your lectures. As for taking the commitment seriously, give me a break. Running is your hobby, not her life’s work.

SupermarketNeat4033 −  YTA. She said she’s not interested in achieving a “good time” and just that she wants to finish, even if it’s walking. This is when you should’ve stopped pushing. It’s understandable that you have some expertise in this field that you want to share with her you can do that, up until she communicates that she’s not looking for your input or coaching.

At that point, back off. Let her know you’ll give input if/when she wants and leave it at that. I told her that she made this commitment and that she should take it more seriously.

***She*** made the commitment. This adult woman made this choice and gets to chose how seriously she takes it and how she hold herself to her own, voluntary, commitment.

She doesn’t need, and clearly doesn’t want, you stepping in and acting like a parent and metaphorically standing over her shoulder making sure she’s getting it done. You take this seriously so it’s hard for you to come at this from her level of not taking it very seriously, but she doesn’t have to.

CuriosiT38 −  NTA. As a mediocre runner at best (I’ve done a few halfs and one full but been at the middle of the pack at best) it is reasonable to point out the issues.

You sound like you’re being supportive of \*her fitness efforts\* but not necessarily a brief training plan for this kind of undertaking, which is reasonable. Undertraining is a good way to get injured. The real issue here is this elaborate plan to get out of doing some other unnamed event which may be what really needs to get unpacked.

Mbt_Omega −  NTA, folks that haven’t done long races like this don’t realize what the pounding and stress can do to an unprepared person.

My friend, who was very fit in other ways, was taken out of commission athletically for years by doing a long race without adequate prep, and still has recurring pain. He only felt exhausted during the race, the problems started the next day, so he wouldn’t have known to bail to protect himself. Your gf doesn’t know this, and the YTA people don’t either, but you’re trying to save her from potentially lifelong pain.

Adcscooter −  NTA. I ran cross-country in college. That is an 8k or just under 5 miles. She is attempting to run over 2.6 times that distance. For the people saying YTA, they’ve probably never run long distances competitively before.

Yes, she can get seriously injured without proper training. You’re only looking out for her. Also, even just walking 13.1 is extremely difficult. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’re just looking out for her health.

NoSalamander7749 −  I told her that she made this commitment and that she should take it more seriously. She’s taking it as seriously as she wants to. I don’t think you were being a straight up a**hole per se, but you and she are approaching running differently. Barre is not exactly easy lol. She’s going to *have* a good time, not to *make* a good time.

Frankly dude it kinda sounds like you’re taking it semi-personally that she’s using something *you* enjoy doing as an excuse to get out of something she doesn’t want to do.. Edit: voting YTA.

Do you think the Reddit user’s advice was reasonable based on his experience, or should he have been more sensitive to his girlfriend’s approach to her first half-marathon? How would you handle giving well-meaning advice to a partner in a similar situation without seeming discouraging? Share your thoughts below!