AITA for not allowing my ex and former best friend to take my kids out of state for a week to heal and recover after she was left unable to have children?

There’s a strange yet oddly common phenomenon in life: the people who hurt you the most always expect you to be the bigger person. Not only do they want forgiveness, but they also expect you to play the role of the kind-hearted saint in the tragic movie they wrote, directed, and starred in.

And this story? It takes things to another level. Because here, the betrayer isn’t just the ex-husband—it’s also the ex-best friend. A double betrayal, a full-scale disaster, and now, somehow, OP is supposed to be the understanding one.

‘AITA for not allowing my ex and former best friend to take my kids out of state for a week to heal and recover after she was left unable to have children?’

In this case, the OP faces a challenging custody situation where her ex and his former best friend—now his wife—want to take the children out of state during her healing period. The OP firmly denies this request, arguing that her kids should not be used as emotional support tools for their parents’ unresolved issues. This refusal stems from a deep commitment to protecting her children’s education and psychological well-being, as well as a sense of justified anger over past betrayals.

The OP’s story reveals a stark contrast between her steadfast prioritization of her children’s needs and her ex’s seemingly self-centered approach. On one hand, she strives to maintain a stable, nurturing environment for her kids despite the emotional wreckage left by their divorce. On the other, her ex appears willing to disrupt this stability to accommodate his former partner’s recovery process—even if it means sidelining the children’s routine and schooling.

Research from the American Psychological Association shows that exposing children to prolonged emotional stress—such as missing school for extended periods—can have negative long-term effects on both academic performance and mental health (APA on Child Stress). Such findings emphasize that children must be shielded from being treated as mere emotional support systems for their parents.

Sometimes, maintaining strict boundaries is the best way to ensure that the needs of vulnerable children are not overshadowed by adult issues. Renowned child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham explains, “Children deserve a stable environment where their educational and emotional needs are prioritized over the unresolved baggage of adults” (Aha! Parenting).

Dr. Markham’s insights underscore the necessity for clear and consistent parenting practices, especially in cases where legal custody arrangements are in place. Her research supports the idea that when one parent insists on following the court-ordered plan, it not only preserves the children’s routine but also serves as a protective measure against emotional manipulation.

In applying these perspectives to the current situation, the OP’s refusal to allow her ex and his wife to take the children out of state aligns with best practices in safeguarding children’s welfare. While the ex argues that missing a week of school might help with emotional healing, this view fails to account for the potential harm of disrupting the children’s stability.

Instead, structured therapy and professional counseling are more appropriate avenues for addressing adult grief without burdening the kids. Experts advise that in such cases, legal counsel and professional mediation are essential to ensure that all parties adhere to the established parenting plan. This approach not only upholds the rights of the children but also prevents the further manipulation of parental responsibilities.

Reddit comments strongly support the OP’s decision

Many argue that children should never be used as emotional support for adults and stress the importance of maintaining school routines. Commenters also warn against bending custody rules that could set a dangerous precedent.

Readers overwhelmingly agree that children must not be burdened with adult emotional healing. How would you handle such a situation? Share your thoughts and experiences—do you think strict adherence to custody arrangements is the best way to protect children’s well-being?