AITA for moving out of my apartment even though my first roommate said they were first.?

A Redditor is in a tough spot after their roommate hinted they might move out of their shared apartment due to personal struggles. Taking the message seriously, the Redditor began looking for new housing and even submitted documents to secure a new place.

When the roommate later claimed their initial message was purely hypothetical, they were upset to learn the Redditor was planning to leave and accused them of abandoning the shared lease. Now, with tensions rising and guilt-tripping involved, the Redditor is questioning whether they handled the situation fairly. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for moving out of my apartment even though my first roommate said they were first.?’

So I got a text from one of my roommates a few days ago (3 of us) and it was as follows:

Roommate: Hey I’m gonna be honest I might move back home either by the end of this year or the end of the next semester. It’s been really hard and this week was the breaking point for me. But I honestly still don’t know but I just want to keep you informed because you live here and it would impact u as well

OP: Alrighty thanks for letting me know. I hope everything works out tho. You do what you feel is best for you, don’t worry about anyone else rn. Put yourself first.

After I got this message I went out to tour apartments and figure where to live. I found one yesterday and submitted the documents needed to move in. I won’t get an official confirmation for another week, but I decided to let my roommate know my plans.

Later today I get a response from them saying how their text was purely hypothetical and was just ranting and that they weren’t at all serious. I proceeded to tell them I had no way of knowing that it was hypothetical and that they seemed very serious. Then we argued for eight hours essentially.

Starting with them being pissed off that I was even leaving in the first place. I had told them I planned to be out by November 22nd, but they wanted me to still pay them and their bf (roommate 3) for December rent. I replied with if I’m still there then I will, if I’m not I won’t.

I’m not on the lease at our current place, only them two are, so if anybody tips off management, we’re all screwed. There was drama with our friend group as well that also lead to the roommates initial message.

My roommate continued to try and belittle me because I am a push over essentially, but I wasn’t having it today, so their tone changed into trying to guilt trip me into staying, saying how they can’t afford it with them and their bf and yadayada.

Begging me to stay even though they were the ones who put me in that same spot a few days ago, without any hint that they weren’t serious about their first message. I talked about the whole situation with my good friends and they say I’m not in the wrong, but I come here asking reddit AITAH. If you want more information or have questions, leave it in the comments and I will do my best to answer anything.

See what others had to share with OP:

Tangerine_Bouquet −  So, the facts are that you’re renting a room in an apartment without a lease (presumably, from your “we’re all screwed” if management finds out statement, an under-the-table sublet) and have decided to move out.

Of course you’re NTA for that! Appropriate notice is great, but you don’t even have a lease! Pay for the time you’re there, move out and clean up after yourself. You’re taking your own good advice: take care of yourself. Your roommate is only an AH for the whining and guilt-tripping. All the other drama is really irrelevant.

East_Parking8340 −  What did she think you would do? Just wait until they told you that you were homeless in a couple of weeks? As you are not a legal resident you would have no recourse and be out on the streets. It makes perfect sense that you looked for, and found, a permanent home in your name. I suspect you’ll also be happier not to be the third wheel.. NTA

bikegoddess −  NTA if the situation were reversed, you’d be screwed especially if you’re not even on the lease.

Epsilon_Meletis −  I get a response from them saying how their text was purely hypothetical and was just ranting and that they weren’t at all serious.. “Yeah, well, mine isn’t and I am.”. NTA

Routine-Friend-7585 −  Nta for being a grown up and prioritising your needs. If they were not clear. Not your fault, its theirs. Get out of there, stand strong and be happy

MeasureMe2 −  NTA: If you want to live elsewhere, do it. It doesn’t matter if roommate said they were moving or not. Why would you argue for 8 HOURS? You’ve decided to move. Discussion over.

Forward-Dingo1431 −  NTA… Technically. Given the roommate’s message, looking for a new place to live is a reasonable thing to do. Giving 30 days’ notice is also a reasonable expectation on the roommates side (even though you didn’t mention that).

The fact that it was a message from your roommate that precipitated you looking for a new place to live puts you in the clear on a technicality, and the g**lighting and guilt tripping is sketch, doesn’t mean that they still don’t deserve ample notice, even if you aren’t on the lease. You have to look out for yourself, but do unto others. If the roles were reversed, what would you expect?

VulonRogue −  Stayed with my in-laws for medical reasons, they said basically the same thing, we looked, found a place we liked, let them know we were applying for it and they went off on us for abandoning them. Sent in our application that night cause it was the final straw for how they’d been treating us.

tencentblues −  ESH for not just sitting down and having a conversation about it like adults. You both should have agreed on a date to end the living arrangement; three weeks is pretty short notice.

justloriinky −  NTA. Interesting that the text said, “I’m going to be honest” and are now mad that you believed them!!!!

Do you think the Redditor acted reasonably in preparing for a potential move after their roommate’s initial message, or should they have clarified intentions before taking action? How would you navigate a situation like this with roommates? Share your thoughts below!