AITA for making my sister pay me back for throwing out my daughter’s bra?
A woman’s sister and her children are staying with her family after Hurricane Helene damaged their home. There are clear rules: the boys are not allowed in her daughter Thea’s room, but they broke that rule and found Thea’s compression bra, used for theater performances. Their mom threw it away, saying it was inappropriate.
When Thea discovered it missing before a play rehearsal, the woman demanded her sister pay the $50 to replace it. However, the sister refuses, citing financial hardship and dismissing the bra as unnecessary. The situation escalates, with their mother siding with the sister. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA for making my sister pay me back for throwing out my daughter’s bra?’
Right now, we’re hosting my sister and her family because their home was damaged by Hurricane Helene. There are some rules in place: be respectful of our living space, her sons are not allowed in my daughter Thea’s room,and as soon as the repairs are done, they are out of here.
Her sons broke one of the rules when they went in Thea’s room and went through her things. They found one of Thea’s special compression bras. Thea has been doing theater ever since she was little. The compression bra looks like a tank top and she uses it if she is playing a boy or a young girl and has to flatten her chest to better look the part.
Their mom found it and threw it away. We didn’t realize this until Thea was packing her theater bag for play practice and realized it was missing. This is not great because she’s starring as Viola in her school’s production of “Twelfth Night.” Thea buys most of her theater stuff like makeup and costumes and the bra was pretty expensive, $50.
I told my sister she needed to pay us back so we can replace it. My sister refuses because she says she isn’t doing well financially and how dare I demand a homeless woman pay for her boys being boys. Not to mention, she doesn’t think it’s appropriate for her to have something like that.
Our mom, who has always been soft on Judy, thinks we’re being too harsh since she’s a single mom who doesn’t have a home right now. I just want my daughter’s stuff replaced, is that too much to ask? AITA?
Check out how the community responded:
TarzanKitty − NTA. Cool, your mom has just offered to host your sister and her children! Off they go to granny’s.
Timely_Egg_6827 − NTA – there are three things here.
1. Your nephews went through your daughter’s room and possessions. How old are they and why were they in the underwear drawer? They then stole a bra. That is less boys be boys and boys be perverts. Your daughter needs to be safe at home.
2. Your sister found the bra and rather than maybe washing it and putting it back, she made a parenting decision about a child not her own and decided to throw it out because she disapproved. She basically stole from your daughter and took no personal responsibility for that because it was the “right” thing to do. Does she think your daughter is trans? Or had her boys soiled it beyond repair?
3. Your sister and nephews are trampling over every boundary you set. They invade your daughter’s room, take her stuff, complain about your parenting and then pull a sob story. If you are in a bad place and dependent on someone else’s charity, then don’t abuse their hospitality.
You won’t get the bra or money back so please make your daughter’s loss good as it was your choice not her’s to offer hospitability. But then have a strict talk with your sister about her not parenting your child, maybe parenting her own before they get her kicked up and she is properly homeless. And get your daughter a lock for her door.
Kami_Sang − OP – time for your mom to host your sister. Instead of her being grateful and upset that her children broke your rule , her attitude is boys will be boys. Her opinion on your daughter’s clothes are irrelevant. Being homeless does not mean she has no savings, no job etc. It was a hurricane, she still has her home and it’s being repaired.
She was foolish for tossing an item that didn’t belong to her. This is 100% on her – even if her boys did what they did, she was the one who threw it away. She’s judgmental, stupid (tossing the bra) and disrespectful of your rules in your home.. Your mom gets zero say. I agree with everyone who said time for your sis to leave.
pl487 − NTA. But I would bet money that you’re being lied to, and your sister found it and threw it away because she thought it was a transgender thing. She doesn’t want to buy a new one because she finds it morally offensive.
Loading_Error_900 − NTA. They can follow your rules and replace your daughter’s possessions or they can get out. Make it a point too that they all need to apologize to your daughter immediately. Otherwise here is the address for a local shelter.
If your mother feels this is unfair, they can go stay with her. Remind them that if they ever need a place to stay again, they need to find other accommodations.
ThatGuyFromThisPlace − NTA. You are not asking her to pay for her boys being boys. She found the bra and she threw it out. It’s very clearly her fault. And of course she has to pay you back if she throws out your stuff!
Ratchet_gurl24 − So the boys deliberately broke the rule about (not) going into your daughter’s room. Where they proceeded to go through her things until they found her compression bra, and stole it. I’m guessing they were looking in her underwear drawer. Their mother found it, and knowing the consequences, she deliberately threw it out.
It was only discovered missing because your daughter couldn’t find it, and It came to light what had happened to it. Your sister is now refusing to replace it and is doubling down, claiming ‘boys will be boys’, and she doesn’t think it’s appropriate for your daughter to have it.
Does she believe it was ‘appropriate’ for her sons to go snooping in their cousins room, and violating her privacy, by stealing her bra. Does she believe it was ‘appropriate’ to try and cover up this gross violation, by throwing it out. You were kind enough to take in your sister and her family, because their own home was damaged.
You gave 3 rules for them to abide by. Not difficult ones either, just be respectful and show common courtesy. Your sister failed to parent her sons (don’t know their age) and attempted to excuse their, and her, behaviour. Now she’s, once again homeless. This time it’s of her own making.
Fianna9 − NTA- she didn’t throw it out because “boys being boys” (unless they damaged it- but they are still responsible then) She is admitting she threw it away because she didn’t approve. I would guess your sister leapt to some transphobic ideas about why your daughter had a bra like that and made a judgemental decision.
No matter the reason- Thea paid for it herself and deserves compensation. And the boys violated the rules and went through her stuff. Sounds like your parents are offering to host Judy and her boys to me.
OldPolishProverb − Oh hell no. Did she lose her family’s manners, privacy, decency and respect in the hurricane? “Boys being boys” is not, and never is, a valid argument. Nor is her judgement of what your daughter should and should not own. They are all guests in your home and should be on their best behaviors.
They should be respecing your household and your household rules She and her boys have no say in running your household. Tell your sister and your mother, preferably at the same time, that if your sister and her boys cannot be polite guests in your home, and that includes not breaking into her daughters room and taking her things, then it is time for sister and her boys to go somewhere else.
Tell them both that someone needs to pay for the compression bra that their boys took and your sister threw away. You don’t care who pays for it but it needs to be replaced. Have a quote ready to go to show to both of them. Let mom pay for it if she thinks this is not a big deal.
Maybe this is the one strike they get and you let them stay or maybe this is the final straw and you want them out over this. Either way NTA
National_Pension_110 − NTA. Kick her out tonight. She’ll never respect you. Oh, and be prepared to call the cops, because she might just claim squatters’ rights.
This story raises questions about boundaries, respect, and accountability in difficult circumstances. Should the sister take responsibility for her sons’ actions, or is it unreasonable given her current situation?