AITA – for lying about my cultural tradition to my in-laws?

One Reddit user describes the pressure they face from their South-Asian boyfriend’s parents, who have been pushing for marriage despite both partners feeling unready.

During a family dinner, the user resorted to a “fake” cultural tradition, claiming her boyfriend needed her father’s permission to propose, which could delay any engagement talk by a year. Her friends supported her decision, but she’s wondering if she went too far by lying.

She’s also feeling frustrated that her boyfriend hasn’t stepped in to manage his parents’ expectations. Read the full story below to see how she handled the situation…

‘ AITA – for lying about my cultural tradition to my in-laws ? ?’

My boyfriend (28M) and I(28F) have been dating for 1 and a half year. He is South-Asian and I‘m Caucasian. Marriage is very important for his parents, they have been putting a lot of pressure on us since the beginning of our relationship and this has been a subject of conflict between us for the past months.

For example, a couple weeks ago she called me to force me into marring him in the next four months, telling me that if I wait too long, she might be dead once we get marring (she is perfectly healthy).

Last week, we were having dinner together when my in-laws found out that my parent (that live in another city), are coming for Christmas. Now, they really want to come over for Christmas to meet my parent so they can talk about our engagement.

Under pressure of his mom asking over and over again to meet my parent and asking when we will get married, I had to lie about my wedding traditions (I don’t have any tradition).

I said it was very important that my boyfriend ask my father for my hand before proposing and if my father says no, then this marriage cannot happen and he will have to wait again another year before asking for my hand again.

Was it wrong to lie about my traditions in order to stop my in-laws from forcing me into mariage? I talked about it with my friends and they agree it was a good thing to lie.

Moreover, since my boyfriend didn’t step up at the time (he didn’t say anything to his parents) and I was under a lot of pressure from his family, this is also why I lied. Should he have said something? (He doesn’t want to get married yet either).

These are the responses from Reddit users:

SolitaryTeaParty −  NTA, but you shouldn’t HAVE to lie to the wannabe in-laws. Your boyfriend should step up and tell his parents they need to stop trying to guilt or manipulate you into marriage.

EndielXenon −  YTA — to yourself. This is super likely to end up blowing up in your face and causing way more problems long term than it solves.

What you should be doing instead is firmly standing up for yourself — and your boyfriend should absolutely be doing the same thing. *Your* marriage is not something that *they* get to make decisions about.

Raccoon_Ascendant −  She wants you to get married quick while you’re still in the honeymoon phase- before you really get to know her dear son. NTA, but there’s a much bigger issue here.

SliceEquivalent825 −  YTA Red flags all over the place. Run while you can, she isn’t going anywhere.

Next_Commercial_5458 −  NTA, but you shouldn’t have to lie. Your in-laws can’t force you to get married and you should be able to say “that’s not on the cards for us right now.”

Your partner need to step up and tell his parents it’s his battle not yours. Also it think it would be good to have a conversation about why he didn’t step in already.

BeckyDaTechie −  NTA… except that you’re not dealing with this relationship red flags together with your partner. I know the pressure from Asian traditions is often immense, but if he doesn’t want to follow them, then HE needs to take the lead in this conflict instead of leaving all the deflecting and communicating to you.

Apprehensive_War9612 −  ESH. You for having no backbone. It was a small lie but its not the issue. Be an adult and tell them you will get married when YOU are ready & not before. MIL from hell needs to back off.

Their family traditions do not give her permission to pressure you. Your boyfriend is the biggest ah here. These are his parents and he is responsible for handling them. Tell him to handle it or else your life will be spent be pressured to do things at his mother’s timetable.

TheGoldDragonHylan −  OP, whatever bells are going off in your head, saying you don’t want to be married, LISTEN TO THEM and get the hell out of dodge. Whatever it is (don’t like his family, aren’t ready yet, waiting for an event to happen first) it’s given you a chance to really get to know these people;

darling BF might agree with you, but he won’t stand up to his nagging parents, and this won’t be the last time they’ll find any way they can to bulldoze through. In the words of a haunted mansion “GET OUT!!!”. NTA.

StAlvis −  ESH. Shut down the idea that they *get* to have expectations regarding **your** relationship with clear, adult conversation.. Set boundaries, and enforce them.

SufficientBasis5296 −  YTA . What kind of wuss are you?!?. No is a complete sentence. . So is “mind your own business”. Grow a spine and tell them you will decide when the time is right, and not them.

Was the Redditor justified in using a made-up tradition to relieve the pressure, or should she have handled it differently? Do you think her boyfriend should have been more assertive with his family? Share your thoughts below!