AITA for losing my s**t over cookies when my DIL tossed them out ?

A Reddit user recently shared their frustration after their daughter-in-law, Emily, threw away a batch of homemade cookies they had baked for the grandkids. The Redditor, who enjoys baking and believes in offering homemade treats, has faced ongoing conflict with Emily, who is health-conscious and avoids processed foods.

After an agreement was made that the grandkids could have one cookie when visiting, Emily took it a step further by throwing out the cookies, claiming they were unhealthy.

This led to an argument, and now the Redditor is refusing to babysit until their son handles the situation. Read the full story below to see how emotions boiled over in this family feud…

‘ AITA for losing my s**t over cookies when my DIL tossed them out ?’

I am a good baker, I enjoy making sweet treats for everyone to enjoy. My DIL (Emily) is very heath conscious and even more so now that’s they have two kids. She is the type of person who avoids sugars, mostly eats organic, and avoids processed foods.

When the grandkids visit I usally make cookies or something sweet for them to enjoy. Every single times she sees them she usually goes on about how they are unhealthy. We got into an argument about this a few months ago about not giving the kids junk.

I pointed out everything is homemade and I am not only serving them cookies. My son stepped in on this and we compromised that the kids can have one cookie when they are here. This was good for a while until yesterday.

The kids came over last night and I made a batch of cookies. They were cooling on the rack. Emily and my son decided to chat a bit before heading out. During that time Emily went into the kitchen and throw away the cookies.

When I asked her why she did it, she claimed I was doing me a favor since they are unhealthy. I told yelled at her saying that she had no right to throw away food that I had worked hard to make. She got defensive and said she was just trying to help.

My son stepped in and told me to calm down, but I was furious. Emily left the room in tears, and now my son is saying I overreacted and should apologize. I told my son that I will not be babysitting until he handles this situation and i will not apologize

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

AgnarCrackenhammer −  NTA. Emily is rude as hell. The occasional cookie or two won’t kill the kids

mfruitfly −  NTA. Yes, parents get to decide how their children eat, and I think other people should respect that, unless it creates a burden (aka, if they want kids to eat vegan, but it is difficult to cook a separate meal, or they want specific foods but are unwilling to pay for those foods).

In this case, you could not serve the kids cookies at all, even if you are doing them a favor by babysitting. But you all COMPROMISED and agreed the kids could each have a cookie. And your DIL didn’t just decide her kids couldn’t have cookies, she threw away cookies for YOU, that you made, with your own ingredients.

You need to be clear with your son, you all agreed to this compromise, and it was incredible rude for your DIL to throw away your own food in your own home, and there is NO excuse for that. Would he be okay with you going in to their home and opening up the cupboards and throwing away anything you wanted?

No of course not. If DIL had decided she didn’t want her kids to have cookies, she could have said that, instead she destroyed YOUR property. You have nothing to apologize for, you didn’t even call her names, you just yelled at her about the exact thing she did wrong.

SHE needs to apologize to you and fully recognize that she drastically overstepped in what is appropriate in someone else’s home. She wasn’t trying to “help” and they both know that, and I wouldn’t let them back in my home at all until they could fully appreciate that and apologize.

quietgrrrlriot −  NTA – how is throwing out food not an overreaction? DIL has a ferociously unhealthy relationship with food if she can’t even control her actions around food that doesn’t belong to her. Food isn’t healthy or unhealthy, it’s just food.

If she cared so much, she could teach her child about moderation and making choices that are good for their body, rather micromanaging what the people around her consume. You’ve already come to a reasonable compromise regarding what the children eat while in your home.

If the DIL apologizes for throwing out your food, it is only fair to apologize for raising your voice and/or using unkind words—but she disrespected you in your own home, it’s absurd that she thinks you would thank her for it.

anothertypicalcmmnt −  NTA What in the world gave Emily the idea she could throw away cookies in someone else’s home. She doesn’t even have the excuse that she thought they were old or stale or some how not good to eat, because you said they were on a cooling rack!!!

Emily owes you an apology, because she clearly overstepped in your home. She has a right to say what she wants her kids to eat or not eat but does not have that right over what you eat and what you have in your kitchen.

drdish2020 −  I’m a baker and this would tick me off something fierce. But, more importantly – you’re babysitting, right? It’s not just that they’re visiting. You’re taking care of the kids so your son and DIL can go out… And of course they’re not paying you.

So yeah, NTA. You all agreed that one cookie would be all right, and presumably you would give them one from that batch, but your DIL went and threw them all out. And all that, before she + your son got to go out, while you did free work for them? The entitlement; it burns.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. DIL sounds like a b**ly who uses health as a pretext to control people around her. If this was about health, DIL could recommend baking recipes that don’t call for tons sugar and butter,

there are vegan, lactose and gluten free, low carb etc etc recipes. Also, taboo foods often lead to eating disorders, it’s definitely better to teach kids moderation, that right out ban stuff. 

PurplePassiflor1234 −  Hot take: ESH. Mom has an issue with you feeding her kids cookies. Doesn’t matter why, or how you feel about it. She said no. You “but I’m the granny and it’s cookies though!” argued with her. You should have RESPECTED her choice for HER kids.

That makes you 1 a**hole in this situation. But to throw out cookies YOU were going to eat, because DIL felt they were bad for YOU… she’s an a**hole too. Whole family of assholes. Whole entire family of assholes.

Quick-Possession-245 −  *told my son that I will not be babysitting until he handles this situation and i will not apologize*. Good for you. Emily was completely out of line. NTA

BlackSongbird −  ESH, she shouldn’t have thrown away the cookies, she had no right. She also shouldn’t have claimed she was doing you a favour when she knew full well it was a purely s**fish act. However, you shouldn’t be giving the kids cookies when their parents ask you not to, which is why I chose ESH.

You admit that you made the cookies to share with the kids, not just for you. You know you DIL doesn’t want the kids eating cookies and you repeatedly choose to bake fresh cookies and have them out and cooling, knowing the kids will smell them and ask for some.

Nobody can resist freshly baked cookies, especially not kids. You’re also accidentally/subconsciously teaching them that it’s okay to ignore their mother’s rules by giving them cookies when she’s openly said she doesn’t want them eating them.

I personally don’t agree with banning kids from eating things they’re not allergic to because it creates unhealthy relationships with food, but I accept that as long as the kids are physically healthy, it’s not my place.

By openly disrespecting the parents’ rules, you’re creating a rift between the parents and yourself, and you lose the ability to give the kids a supportive adult. If the kids get upset about not having cookies anymore, a simple “I personally don’t get it, but this is your mum’s decision and I respect her.

Why don’t we see if we can make something she’ll approve of that we’ll like too?” is a great way to show kids that we can respect people’s decisions even when we don’t understand/agree with it.

The kids will grow up and decide to either follow in their mum’s footsteps or eat whatever they want. It’s most likely the latter and, if you handle this right, the kids’ll be showing up at yours with their first wages, asking for the cookie recipe.

Maybe they’ll maintain a good relationship with DIL as adults, maybe a rift will have formed between them, but at least you can hand on heart say you had no part in it.

If you truly enjoy babysitting and spending time with your grandkids, I’d recommend looking up healthy snacks and talking to your DIL about the recipes you find, see if there’s a compromise you come to where you can still bake for the kids and keep your DIL happy.

bonlow87 −  ESH. Emily had no right to throw something away in your home. She agreed to the 1 cookie decision, and it sounds like it was adhered to during this visit. There was no reason for her to escalate.

My son stepped in on this and we compromised that the kids can have one cookie when they are here. They are the parents, not you. No one has to compromise with you when it comes to the kids. The fact that you even argued with her about her decision as their parent is ridiculous.

Now, if your son and her want to work the cookie situation at home and come to a compromise, that is fine. Why not find another way to connect with your grandkids. Or put effort into learning a treat recipe that fits their diet choice. That would have actually been a nice thing for you and DIL to collaborate on.

Do you think the Redditor’s reaction was justified given the effort they put into baking, or did they overreact to a situation that was intended to be a health-conscious choice? How would you handle a disagreement about food and parenting in a family setting? Share your thoughts below!