AITA for locking my door to keep my stepbrother out?

A Redditor (19F) shares her struggle with her older stepbrother (27M) who frequently makes her uncomfortable with uninvited visits to her room and unwelcome comments about her body. Despite efforts to set boundaries, he dismisses her discomfort, so she finally installed a lock on her door to ensure privacy. Now, he’s calling her “weird” for wanting to lock her door, leaving her to wonder if she’s overreacting. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for locking my door to keep my stepbrother out?’

I know what this sounds like but there’s no better way to put it. I (19F) have known my stepbrother (27M) for about 15 years, but I’ve never liked him. Honestly, he’s never given me a reason to. We both live at home—I’m finishing college (I live in the UK, so this is before university), and he’s in school.

For more context, he’s not working, and as far as I know, he’s never had a job. My parents fully support him. He makes me uncomfortable. I’ve tried to have a sibling-like relationship with him and be polite, but he doesn’t give me much reason to. For example, he was the first person to make me feel insecure about myself.

As I got older, he started making comments about my body, like “It’s because your boobs are big,” “You’re P-shaped,” or “Your ass is shaping up.” I don’t care if he thinks it’s a compliment or just a joke—I don’t like it when people comment on my body. It makes me feel icky, like people are paying more attention to me than I’d like.

Maybe he thinks it’s okay because we’re “siblings,” but to me, it’s just not normal. It’s weird because my best friend, who’s known him for a long time, doesn’t seem to mind similar comments from him, so maybe he thinks we’re the same.

But what really makes me uncomfortable is that he often comes into my room unannounced, sometimes just standing by the door and staring as a “joke,” which creeps me out. When I get noticeably upset, he’ll say something like, “Jeez,” as if I should just go along with it.

If I ask him to knock or say I want privacy, he questions me and makes insinuations like, “Why? Are you watching porn or something?” Even if I were, why would it matter? I’m 19. Recently, I installed a lock on my door. I’d lost my old key, so I’ve been without a lock for a while, but his behavior finally pushed me to get one.

Now, he has to knock before coming in. He keeps saying it’s “weird” that I’d lock myself in my room during the day, but I only use it when I want privacy, mostly on weekends. Personally, I think it’s a lot weirder that a man 10 years older than me has a problem with me wanting alone time. Most of the time, I’m literally just sitting in my room reading.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting. I don’t think I am but no one else seems to think this is weird. I don’t want to insinuate that he’s a p**vert or whatever but if the shoe fits…. AITA

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

FunnyAnchor123 −  May I let you in on a secret? When my oldest daughter (16) closes the door to her room, I always knock before entering. I respect her personal space. It’s what civilized people do.

Your step-brother ought to respect your personal space, whether he makes a million a year, or is a deadbeat. Besides, he sounds like he’s on his way to overtly s**ually harass you. Emphasize to your parents that what he is doing is invading your personal space. If they don’t back you up, it is time to prepare to move out because your household is not safe.. Edit: NTA.

ArmadilloDays −  NTA. You’re being smart, not an a**hole. He’s pushing the boundaries of what you’ll let him get away with, and otherwise displaying s**ual predator traits. Please do not assume that because he’s your “brother,” you’re safe to be alone with him.

Front-Farmer3533 −  This is weird. This is creepy. And I’m not name calling when I say he is a p**vert. At 19 your privacy is so so sacred and no one’s has the right to infiltrate it or make you feel like you’re doing something wrong by wanting it. If you can, talk to him and if he doesn’t change, talk to your parents (honestly, I’d go straight to your parents).. NTA

Either_Management813 −  I hope you also lock it when you’re not there so he can’t do creepy things like go through your stuff or, and I hate to mention it, install a camera. He’s creepy as hell, I’d keep the door locked at all times and if your parents aren’t willing to listen I’d try to get out of there as soon as is feasible. NTA

Fickle_Toe1724 −  NTA. Keep the door locked. I have 4 now adult children. Opening someone else’s bedroom door was a punishable offense. Walking in, even if the door was open, without permission, was a harsher punishment. My kids learned that by age 4.

My older brother used to just walk into my room anytime when we were growing up. I wanted a lock on my door, but dad kept saying no. Until the day my brother walked in while I was changing clothes. I hit him in the face with a hard soled shoe hard enough he ended up in the ER for stitches.

Dad asked why I did it, and I told him I was not dressed when he walked in. I was not a little kid anymore, and deserved some privacy. I got my lock. Your step brother is a c**ep. The fact that he has not s**ually assaulted you yet is good. But his comments are s**ual harassment. Yes, even from a sibling. 

SoupNo8207 −  NTA he’s weird & making gross comments. I’d lock your door when you are out too.

Night-Kuwago −  You’re NTA. He’s a c**ep and a p**vert. Trust your gut and keep locking that room. If he says that’s weird, say: “because a grown man demanding access to a teenager’s room isn’t weird?”. Other things you could say:

– civilized people knock on doors and wait to be invited in before barging in.
– what I do in my room is none of your business
– why are so interested in what I do in my room?

And if he says it’s not a big deal if You’re not doing anything, “if it’s not a big deal, then why ask at all? Why are you insisting on an answer?”

Ok_Homework_7621 −  NTA. Keep your door locked, he sounds too much like a predator. Do your parents know this? Why aren’t they intervening? Your parents are horribly irresponsible just letting him live there in the first place, the way he’s behaving.

No_Cockroach4248 −  Your stepbrother sounds like a s**ual predator. I would talk to your parents about his behavior and comments, that he is invading your private space and needs to respect your privacy. Did you lose your old key or did your stepbrother take your key? Keep your key with you at all times and I would lock the door even when I am out. NTA

likeahike −  NTA, trust your gut. Sometimes you just know not to trust someone, even though they seem nice, which he sure isn’t. His behavior proves he is not a safe person to be around. Sure, he hasn’t molested you yet, but the fact it’s a concern at all is enough to be on guard when he’s around.

Do you think it’s reasonable for her to set boundaries with her stepbrother, or is the locked door too much? How would you handle a family member who doesn’t respect your personal space? Share your thoughts below!