AITA for leaving my friend when she brought a person I don’t know to our meetup?

A 20-year-old planned a coffee meet-up with her friend Jess, expecting a one-on-one catch-up. However, Jess brought along someone new without prior notice, despite knowing how much this bothers her friend.

Feeling uncomfortable and unable to share personal updates, she made an excuse to leave early, which upset Jess. Now, she’s questioning whether her reaction was justified. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for leaving my friend when she brought a person I don’t know to our meetup?’

So I (20f) had planned to meet up with my friend “Jess” (20f) for coffee. We scheduled this a week ago and I’d assumed it’d be just the two of us. I was excited because it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.

For context, I hate it when my friends bring other people (specifically people I’ve never met) to hangouts that were originally planned to be just us. Especially with no prior notice. All my friends know this. Jess knows this. We met up today and she brought this girl “Jay” (20?f) with no notice beforehand.

I was under the impression that it would be the two of us, so you could imagine my surprise. I really tried to be friendly, but I was visibly annoyed that she didn’t keep her word and brought this person that I didn’t know when she implied she wouldn’t.

The conversation we had was awkward, obviously, because Jay and I didn’t know each other. It was just awkward small talk, and I was really hoping I’d be able to tell jess about things going on in my life that I wouldn’t tell someone I don’t know.

(edit to clarify: nothing serious or severe, just casual life updates you’d usually talk about when catching up with a friend) I was annoyed so I made up an excuse to leave early (something like I had to study) I told Jess we could hang out next week and left.

Jess got pissed and has blown up my phone with texts about how I’m rude and inconsiderate etc etc. I originally didn’t think I was in the wrong but I’m having second thoughts and would like an objective opinion.Am I in the wrong for getting mad at her over this?…

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

oliviamrow −  NTA, but how often do your friends do this to you that it has become a “known thing” that you don’t like it? Is there some reason your friends have done this so much?

Maybe I’m weird or maybe my culture is just different (I’m American) but bringing unexpected guests along to a very small hangout like that without any heads up would be pretty unusual among me and my friends. Like at *least* someone would text and say “hey is it cool if my friend tags along?”

0y0_0y0 −  Jess is TA for bringing a stranger. If I made coffee plans with a friend and I showed up and they had brought another person along without telling me I’d be so confused. I can’t imagine doing that.

At the least, she should have texted you a heads up, but she had better have a real good reason for bringing some rando along. Other commenters saying you were wrong to assume that she would show up alone must not have made plans with friends very often recently.

In what world??? You’re NTA for leaving early. Sounds like you were uncomfortable and wanted to go, which was within your right.

thiswasyouridea −  NTA If she was bringing another person she needed to tell you that before you got there. You had a clear expectation that you were going to meet one friend, not a friend and a stranger.

If she wanted to bring someone else it was her responsibility to communicate that to you. Not everyone is in the mood to meet a new person and try to keep up small talk.

CuriousEmphasis7698 −  NTA. Jess knows you don’t like having strangers ‘sprung’ on you. There is no reason at all that she could not have asked if Jay could come to the coffee meet up. If anyone was rude and inconsiderate it was Jess.

Human_Type001 −  NTA. Coffee dates with friends means personal time to catch up about personal things. Bringing a random (meaning you didn’t know anything about them and she never talked about them) stranger to your meet-up tells me that she doesn’t want to spend one-on-one time with you.

She doesn’t want to have personal conversations with you. She needs to put another person as a barrier between you and her. She’s not a friend and doesn’t seem like she wants to be. 

Poots-on-Newts −  Everyone is saying it was rude to make up an excuse. So.. what.. should OP have stood up, said she didn’t expect extras to the meeting and tell her friend she would reschedule for later?

Tell her she knows she doesn’t appreciate rando strangers being brought to one on one meet ups right in front of the poor girl? Because yea that’s so much better.

She excused herself from a situation that Jess made uncomfortable by just flopping all over a boundary that OP had set long ago – don’t surprise show up to meetings with unknown people. It’s not that hard.. NTA.

Domina541 −  NTA a coffee date set up with a friend is a one on one activity imho.

Shazam4ever −  NTA Who just brings a random person along when they have pre-established plans with someone? You reacted appropriately given the circumstances in my opinion.

Interesting_Ad5341 −  NTA, inviting someone else without checking if it is ok is rude whether you have issues about it or no.

sportyfoodie −  Clarification: when you say all your friends know this about you, are you saying you’ve talked to all of them about this in the past?

Communication is key in friendships, especially when boundaries are involved. Was it fair for her to leave early, or should she have stayed and addressed her feelings later? What would you have done? Share your thoughts below!