AITA for laughing when my son came home from meeting his girlfriend’s parents because he chose to behave like he does at home?

Family dining etiquette can sometimes be the source of more than just awkward moments—it can spark deep-seated frustration. I (40M) have always been exasperated by my son’s habit of burping loudly while eating. Despite my repeated attempts to teach him proper table manners, he stubbornly chooses not to change his behavior. My wife always defends him by saying it’s just who he is, but I believe he has the capacity to control himself when reminded.

Last night, after his first date with his girlfriend—during which he met her parents at a fancy restaurant—he came home in tears after being berated for his behavior. When I heard him recount the ordeal to my wife, I couldn’t help but laugh, recalling all the times I tried to instill basic etiquette in him. Now, my wife and he think I’m insensitive. Am I the asshole for laughing at what I see as an inevitable lesson he needed to learn?

‘ AITA for laughing when my son came home from meeting his girlfriend’s parents because he chose to behave like he does at home?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist who specializes in family communication and behavioral change, explains, “When a child consistently ignores parental guidance—especially on matters of basic etiquette—it’s not uncommon for the parent to experience a mixture of exasperation and even humor.

In this case, your laughter likely stems from years of unheeded advice. However, it is essential to approach the situation with empathy, as public embarrassment can be a powerful, albeit painful, catalyst for behavioral change.”

She continues, “It’s important for both parents to agree on the methods of discipline and communication regarding repeated behaviors. While humor can sometimes serve as a coping mechanism and signal that the behavior needs to change, it must be balanced with supportive dialogue to ensure that the child understands the underlying issues rather than feeling ridiculed.”

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, adds, “In family dynamics, conflicts over behavior often reveal deeper issues of respect and self-awareness. Your reaction reflects a longstanding frustration with behavior that you’ve tried to correct over the years. However, it’s crucial to validate your son’s feelings as well, because public humiliation can sometimes lead to long-term resentment rather than constructive change.

In these situations, coordinated parenting, where both partners address the issue together, can lead to a more balanced outcome. It might be beneficial to use this incident as an opportunity for a heart-to-heart discussion with your son about expectations and personal accountability, rather than letting the moment define his self-worth.”

Both experts agree that while your reaction of laughter is understandable given the repeated attempts to correct his behavior, it also risks further emotional harm if not followed by a compassionate conversation. They suggest that, moving forward, a balanced approach combining clear boundaries with supportive feedback would be more effective in helping him adjust his behavior without feeling shamed.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Several redditors expressed support for your reaction. One user commented, “After countless times of trying to teach him proper manners, you’re not the asshole for finally laughing at the inevitable consequence. Sometimes, tough love comes in the form of a moment of humor.”

Another redditor shared, “I totally get it. Kids often need to experience the consequences of their behavior to really learn. Your reaction, though maybe a bit harsh, is justified if it finally makes him take notice.”

Ultimately, your laughter stemmed from deep frustration over repeated lessons unlearned, and while your reaction is understandable, it raises an important question: How do we balance the use of humor as a coping mechanism with the need for empathetic, supportive guidance in parenting? Your reaction might serve as a wake-up call for him, but it also risks deepening emotional wounds if not followed by a sincere conversation.

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation where repeated misbehavior finally led to public embarrassment? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the complexities of tough love in family dynamics.