AITA for kicking my niece out of my apartment when she needed my help?

A Redditor (27M) and his wife (26F) opened their home to their troubled 15-year-old niece for a summer break, hoping to provide her with support after a falling-out with her mother. However, her behavior during the stay—lying, stealing, and damaging property—led to a confrontation that culminated in her being sent back home.

While the niece begged to stay, the Redditor had reached his limit and informed her mother about the incidents. Was this an unfair decision, or were they justified in setting boundaries? Read the story below.

‘ AITA for kicking my niece out of my apartment when she needed my help?’

My wife (26F) and I (27M) live a relatively quiet life. My sister has two kids, one of which being my niece (15F), whom we’ll call J. As her younger brother, I know very well that living with my sister sucks, so I have sympathy for my niece, who gets into arguments with her mom. Now J isn’t exactly an angel either, the whole family knows that.

Well this year, J asked me personally if she could stay with me in my apartment for the summer break, because she and her mom got into a particularly n**ty argument, and she wanted “help and guidance”. I hesitantly agreed, and said she could stay for two months. Unfortunately, there are a lot issues with J.

1. She is a pathological l**r. 50% of everything she says is untrue, and she will lie to your face even if you know the truth.

2. I have a cabinet full of alcohol that we save for family gatherings and date nights. We don’t drink otherwise. I hid the alcohol from J. She found it, and within 3 days, drank EVERYTHING. When I looked into the hiding place all the bottles were empty.

3. I placed security cameras in the house because of her, and caught her on tape stealing money from my wallet

4. She broke a few of our things out of anger, and when we asked her about it, she said it was an “accident” (it was on camera).

5. I tried multiple times to spend time with her and connect with her but she never showed me any respect or seriousness. Everything is a joke.

6. The straw that broke the camel’s back is when I confronted her about the alcohol and money she stole, she not only didn’t apologize, but lied saying that my wife did all those things and is trying to frame her because she hates her. Even after telling her I have footage of her doing it, she still kept saying she didn’t do it and “I’m conspiring against her”.

I lost my marbles. It has only been five weeks, but I was done. I called my sister and told her J is coming in the morning. J begged me not to send her back. I asked her “why not stay with your aunt or your father?”, to which she said neither will let her stay with them because they are “conspiring against her too”.

Surprise, she had stolen from them and lied to them too, so no one wants anything to do with her. I didn’t care, and drove her back home to her mom, and informed my sister of what J has done. She was furious with J, so I left immediately.

I will never allow them into my house again. I feel a bit bad, because again, her mom is always angry, and her family wants nothing to do with her. It also probably didn’t help I told her mom. But still, these are the consequences of her own actions. What do you think? Am I the a**hole?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Kthaeh −  NTA. You’re an uncle, not a social worker. Your niece needs more help than you can provide, and you gave her an opportunity which she promptly blew. I would suggest you take a bit of time to let your feelings settle and then ask yourself if you could ever give your niece another chance – not back into your home, but perhaps just being a responsible, sane adult with some role in her life.

She’s 15 and doesn’t seem to have been taught basic life lessons. That’s not really her fault, but it’s not yours either. She definitely needs someone to call b**lshit on her lies and victimhood. She may not absorb it, but she needs to hear it.

Ok-Status-9627 −  NTA. Though I do wonder a couple of things…. With regards issue (2), was she bladdered? I ask because drinking an entire cabinet of alcohol in 3 days indicates either she was either very drunk (in which case, why didn’t you notice before every bottle was empty?) or good at holding her drink – either than, or she didn’t actually drink it, but rather poured the alcohol away for some reason.

If she’s good at holding her drink, at 15, that could indicate she has a history and bigger issue with drink than a single bender. With regards the conversation which happened five weeks into her stay – why did it take until you were done with her and had already informed your sister you’d be bring J home to ask J

why she wasn’t looking to stay with her father? Why didn’t you consider asking when J asked to move in why she wasn’t staying with her father? That seems to be a significant oversight.

iloveducks101 −  NTA. Now you know wh6 her mom is angry all the time.

chasingcars67 −  That’s not a normal range of behaviour for a teen, she is clearly troubled and in need of serious help. She is either traumatized or has psychiatric problems or both. You’re NTA for setting boundaries, but if you left her without any support whatsoever then… only you know what you’re willing to live with.

toosheeptheorist −  NTA – you did not throw your niece out onto the street, she is in a (relatively) safe space, even if she doesn’t get along with her mother. J has to learn that there are consequences for her actions, and she can’t be blaming everyone for what she has done. I would, however, recommend to your sister that J get counseling of some sort for her compulsive lying. If J continues on the path that she is, she is going to wind up in jail or worse.

Otherwise_Degree_729 −  *I mean her mom is always angry.* Who wouldn’t be if they had a 15 year old stealing, lying and drinking constantly? Probably she isn’t behaving any better at school either. Is her behaviour because of your sister or your sisters behaviour because of her daughter. Either way neither are your responsibility. I am inclined to believe your niece is worse because her behaviour is s**t no matter who’s place she is staying at.

Trevena_Ice −  INFO: Was investigated anytime ever if she has some mental health problems? I mean a 14 year old girl can’t just empty a whole alcohol hiding place without showing sympthoms of being drunk unless she is very used to it. But also about the constant lying.

Can it be some coping mechanism, or really an issue that she can’t help herself. Or worse, can it be that she has multiple personas (sorry, I don’t know the English term). So she might really isn’t aware of what she is doing but some hiden persona might do that and J has no memories of that actions or time

TomDoniphona −  Your niece needs help. Seriously, professional help. You need to do your best to take her to a doctor or therapist. For what you say, her parents are not the solution but rather part of the problem. You are NTA, but she is 15, and she may only have you to provide the help she desperately needs. Don’t wait until it is too late.

Longjumping-Tale-963 −  NTA. You didn’t leave her out on the street, you brought her back to her parents. While I understand the fact you wanted to help her out, She needs some kind of professional help that you cannot provide. That or at least trying to find some form of a support group to help out.

Aether-Wind −  INFO: Your nieces behaviour is beyond the pale and far beyond the point of worry. Is there a specialised therapist working with her? A social worker? If there is, what’s the status there? Do you have any information about potential diagnoses, or what issues they’re working on and how? And if not, they should have been involved a long time ago, and needs to be involved ASAP.

Do you think the Redditor acted unfairly by sending his niece back home and informing her mother about her actions? Could there have been another way to handle the situation, or were his actions justified given the circumstances? Share your thoughts below!