AITA for kicking my friend out because she « complimented my partner » ?

A 33-year-old woman invited her friend, Mag, over for a nail session and lunch, only to witness Mag making inappropriate comments about her partner’s physique. Despite his visible discomfort, Mag continued with remarks, prompting the woman to kick her out.

Mag retaliated by involving friends and family, escalating the drama. While her partner labeled the behavior as borderline harassment and agreed Mag shouldn’t return, the overwhelming backlash has left the woman questioning her actions. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for kicking my friend out because she « complimented my partner »  ?’

I (33F) am in a serious relationship with my partner (39M) who will work remotely full-time so we can spend the Christmas season with my daughter (7F).
A friend of mine who we’ll call Mag (33F) is a nail artist and I paid her to come to my house and do my nails this morning, and during her work I invited her to stay for lunch ;

my partner was working from home and didn’t come into the kitchen the whole morning. But he did come around by lunchtime and considering he is working remotely, was only wearing a short sleeves shirt – which is much more comfortable than wearing suits like he does at work.

My boyfriend is the kind who always used exercice as a way to cope with stress so let’s be honest : even though he is lean he does have some nice muscles. And when he started moving around the kitchen Mag started to look at him like a piece of meat while making compliments like « you look so much better wearing tight-fitting clothes »,

« you must be so strong », « the way your biceps move makes me wish my boyfriend would exercise more » … My boyfriend of course was uncomfortable but didn’t say a thing and chose to go back to his desk with his plate instead of biting her head off.

I, on the other hand, was pissed and told her to get out of my house even if by then I was still cooking and we hadn’t had anything to eat. I told her that what just happened was not okay and that it was the last time she would be invited to my house.

She defended herself by saying that she was only complimenting my partner and that « I should be proud for landing a 10 when I was a barely decent 4 myself », and I escorted her out. Now both Mag and her mother both involved everyone they know (my mother, common friends, my colleagues) and they are blowing my phone ;

I currently have 127 texts after I stopped responding at 5pm and my head spins. My partner and I talked about it over dinner. He believes it is at best flirting and at worst, s**ual harassment and he told me that he wished for me to stop inviting Mag at home.

I explained that she never behaved like that and that I was just as surprised and disappointed and of course, she is no longer welcome.But I have 14 conversations in my phone all in contradiction with each other and I feel my head spin.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Ravenmn −  NTA, She defended herself by saying that she was only complimenting my partner and that « I should be proud for landing a 10 when I was a barely decent 4 myself », and I escorted her out. WTF says that to anyone else in the world! Is this common for people working in the beauty or health industry?

I don’t need another reason to avoid these people, but I’ll take it. Good on you OP for confronting and shutting down s**ual harassment in your home!

TheBadNewsBard −  I join the chorus of NTA, but in the interest of fairness, I want to say that a lot of the outrage specifically about “I should be proud for landing a 10 when I was a barely decent 4 myself” line is misplaced.

According to the details of the story, that line came AFTER being told to leave and that she would never be welcome back, and I think a lot of people tend to lash out in that kind of situation.

Which is not to say that the comment was acceptable… just that it’s very different coming after “Get out and never come back” than it would be if it was stated before the conflict started as part of the “compliments”. I think the compliments were inappropriate. Clearly she let her thirst show.

If the genders were reversed, there would be zero question about it, and nobody would ever think twice about a man saying, “Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that – gtfo and don’t come back!” But because the genders aren’t reversed, and gender stereotypes and cultural expectations and whatnot are what they are,

I do see how Mag could say those things without realizing how inappropriate they were, and feel blindsided by being criticized so strongly. I think there was probably a lower stakes version of this conversation where you say, “Hey, don’t do that, that’s not okay” without kicking her out, canceling lunch,

or telling her she’s never welcome back, and that lower stakes version is probably met with, “Okay, sorry, my bad” instead of the 10/4 comment. You didn’t owe her that gentler rebuke, and again, you are NTA. But sometimes it’s important to hear that a situation might not have been so volatile if you had handled it differently, and this sounds like one of those situations.

East_Parking8340 −  She was hitting on him, in front of you, no less. She made your SO so uncomfortable that he left the room and she then went on to denigrate you (implying, I assume, that she is far more attractive than you).. She is no loss to your life.. NTA

noshingwithnovels −  The fact that the people in your life are even trying to take her side without even talking to you or S/O is baffling to me. I don’t understand these types of “friends” and “family” members. All mine would have to hear is that either of us were uncomfortable and they would be ready to go to war for us both!

Just ignore it all and if they persist, tell them that by taking her side without knowing any part of the actual situation shows you exactly what kind of friend/family member they are and you get better support from strangers on the internet.

She was so out of line and the fact your S/O, because – let’s face it…who doesn’t love compliments, felt the same way is all the proof you need. Edit to add… who tf does she think she is to call you “a 4 who landed a 10” and then expect to stay for lunch?!

What adult not only calls their mommy, but then in turn has her mommy call your mommy? Who’s “4” here? Wonder how her boyfriend feels about all this?

zyzmog −  This sounds like another AI post.

AprilTheAce −  So this “friend” hits on your SO, flirts with him openly, insults your appearance (calling you “barely a decent 4”) and makes your SO uncomfortable,

then has the audacity and entitlement to send every flying monkey they know at you to convince you to change your mind?? NOPE! NTA OP and good for you for sticking up for your SO.

DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA −  NTA. Those “compliments” were wildly inappropriate. She is also very bold to say those things directly in front of you. Mag was out of line for what she said

Blitzy05 −  Was I the only one who thought ‘only wearing a short sleeve shirt’ meant he was winnie-the-poohing it for a second there?

mangonuts121 −  whoever is defending her, don’t trust them that’s so extremely innappropriate, and she insulted you her client, not very bright

IamIrene −  Obvious NTA. You did your bf a solid be kicking her out. She was being way inappropriate. Now both Mag and her mother both involved everyone they know (my mother, common friends, my colleagues) and they are blowing my phone.

She got her *mother* involved?? Wow. I guess when you can’t fight your own battles you go running to mommy. Probably told a distorted version of the truth to make her look better too. You stuck up for you bf, that was the right thing to do.

For those who are upset with you for that, ask them how they would feel if it was your bf’s friend making creepy, s**ual remarks about you…how would they want your bf to respond? Make them think about it.

Setting boundaries in your home is important, especially when faced with disrespectful behavior. Was kicking Mag out the right move, or was it an overreaction? Share your thoughts below!