AITA for installing a lock on the bathroom door after my BIL kept barging in?

A Redditor shares their frustration about their brother-in-law repeatedly barging into the bathroom while they are using it, despite multiple requests to stop. After being ignored by both their husband and brother-in-law, the Redditor decided to install a lock on the bathroom door.

This action has caused tension between the couple, as their husband is upset about breaking an agreement not to have locks in the house. Read the original story below to understand the conflict and the Redditor’s stance on the situation.

‘ AITA for installing a lock on the bathroom door after my BIL kept barging in?’

My f25 husband’s m30, brother (BIL) m33 moved in with us after his divorce few weeks ago. The problem I have is that he started barging in to the bathroom whenever I’m using it. He never knocks or anything. Another thing is that he only does this when it’s me in the bathroom not his brother.

I told my husband about what I’d noticed but he laughed it off and called me paranoid. It was embarrassing because his brother would see me exposed and it made me uncomfortable. My husband said he spoke to him and he apologized but did it again.

When my husband and I got married, we promised to not have locks or lock each other out of any room. So the bathroom didn’t have a lock. I was really considering getting a lock and I let my husband know that if his brother walks in on me in the bathroom one more time then a lock will instantly be installed. He didn’t say anything.

Well, Yesterday, BIL walked in on me showering. He knew I would be in the shower but barged in anyone claming he needed to pee. I had enough I went out and got a lock and installed it. My husband got home, saw it and blew up on me saying I voilated an agreement that I was part of” and went against his wishes being uncomfortable with locks in the house.

He demanded I remove it and *promised* and *guarenteed* that his brother won’t walk in on me again but I refused. He’s been pissed about it since then and is giving the silence treatement.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

FloppyEaredDog −  “When my husband and I got married, we promised to not have locks or lock each other out of any room.” That seems a tad unhealthy. Even the best relationships need boundaries and everyone deserves the option of privacy. Let me guess, your husband suggested the no locks idea first.. NTA.

umenu −  NTA. the no locks thing was a agreement between you and your husband, when his brother move in it wasn’t you and your husband anymore and therefor the agreement comes to a hold. Tell your husband the lock can be removed as soon as his brother is moving out.

Snow-13 −  NTA. But I am really concerned for your safety. That’s not normal behavior from either of them! “Violated an agreement”??? That’s ridiculous! Your husband cares about controlling you. That’s all. And your BIL is obviously up to no good and he needs to go! It’s not innocent, you’re not being paranoid.

You are being gaslit by the sound of it, though! I don’t normally advocate for divorce. But maybe you should consider it. Your husband should be making *YOU* his number one priority! Period. Which means your comfort and safety in your own home!

You told him that you were going to put that lock in if your BIL decided on being a *”peeping Tom”* again! So he yelled at the wrong damn person! He should be yelling at his brother and kicking his AH self out of y’all’s house!

Edited to add, wow, I am completely blown away by how this blew up! I didn’t expect that at all! And thank you for the awards! My first time ever receiving any! I feel like I have officially arrived!! 🤗

bright_copperkettles −  NTA. Your husband should care more about your comfort than a truly ridiculous agreement. When my husband and I got married, we promised to not have locks or lock each other out of any room. Being married doesn’t mean you are no longer allowed to have privacy.

You have a right to that, and I would have thought twice about anyone wanting to take that away. However, assuming you were fully in agreement on that, you agreed to have not have privacy from your husband, not everyone else. INFO Do you never have guests over? I lock thr bathroom when I use it at other people’s houses.

Dotty_Ford −  NTA, BIL is doing this on purpose and not respecting any boundaries. I know he heard the shower running. This is extremely creepy for him to barge in on only you. Keep the lock.

Neither-Copy785 −  Wtf?! You are NTA! This is so creepy. Why is your husband OK with your BIL REPEATEDLY seeing you n**ed/exposed? If this was my situation that BIL would have been out on the street the 2nd time that happened. This story makes my skin crawl. What is wrong with your husband?

excel_pager_420 −  Pack your bags and go stay with your parents/siblings/friends/at a hotel. Tell your Husband his brother is s**ually harassing you in your own home, you don’t feel safe, your own Husband isn’t willing to protect you or allow you to protect yourself so you’ll only consider moving back when his brother is gone.

And you want to start marriage counseling ASAP. I would advise you to look into individual therapy too. You deserve a space of your own to explore how violating it is that your Husband doesn’t believe you, doesn’t care about your safety and doesn’t respect your boundaries.

**But please get out of the property immediately.** Your Husband doesn’t believe you. He has “forbidden” you from protecting yourself. Your BIL now knows he can escalate his behaviour towards you & everyone will take his side because no one is believing you. That’s a dangerous situation for you to be in. NTA

whorlando_bloom −  Your husband used the word “violated” about you putting a lock on the door but doesn’t consider his brother walking in on you in the bathroom a violation. That says a lot about him, and none of it is good. NTA

Opposite-Spring3533 −  NTA this would be my hill to die on.. “Either the lock stays or I’ll go”

Smudgikins −  NTA it sounds as if your husband and brother have a mutual kink. You didn’t sign up for this. It can only get worse.

Was the Redditor justified in installing the lock to protect their privacy, or did they overstep by disregarding the agreement with their husband? Should privacy come before promises, or is the husband’s discomfort with the lock valid? Share your thoughts below!