AITA for insisting my wife needs to watch our kids while I do chores?
A Redditor described a recurring conflict with their wife regarding household responsibilities and child supervision. With two young children, the user believes it’s more efficient for one parent to handle chores while the other watches the kids. However, the wife often expects him to multitask, which leads to frustration when the children get into trouble.
A recent incident escalated when the user tried to clean the kitchen while the children were unsupervised, resulting in one child getting stuck on an exercise bike. This prompted a heated discussion about their roles, with the user insisting that supervising the kids is a full-time job. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA for insisting my wife needs to watch our kids while I do chores?’
I (30M) and my wife (34F) have two young children, ages 1 and 2. They’re a handful, as you can imagine. I believe that when chores need to be done, it’s more efficient for one parent to do a chore while the other watches the kids. I’m always open to discussing and switching roles based on preferences and moods.
The issue is that my wife often gets upset with me for not being more productive while I’m watching the kids. For example, she’ll cook dinner and expect me to clean the house while watching the children. I’ve explained that watching the kids is a full-time job, but she insists I should be able to multitask.
The frustrating part is that when I do chores, she doesn’t watch the kids. Instead, she’ll start another task like cleaning a room or doing laundry – things I’m willing to do if she’d just supervise the children. Without supervision, the kids naturally get into trouble.
This came to a head today when my wife burst into the kids’ room where I was playing with them, upset that she was doing all the chores alone. I offered to do all the chores if she’d watch the kids, emphasizing that someone needs to supervise them. She didn’t respond, so I went to clean the kitchen.
While I was doing this, our 2-year-old climbed an exercise bike, got stuck, and had a meltdown. I expressed my frustration about how she seems to never want to just watch the kids, yet gets mad if I do. There have been worse incidents in the past when the kids were left unsupervised. She accused me of attacking her.
AITA for insisting that watching our young kids is a full-time job and that we need to take turns doing chores and supervising the children?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Numerous-Dimension76 − I’m not going to pass judgement. So I’ll just provide some tips I used, as you’re new to parenthood .
1.Try to find ways to make it work, eg. Use a playpen or gated off area to contain the children.
2. Strap the younger one to you while doing laundry or vacuuming
3. Give the 2 year old a simple task to ‘help’ alongside you as you work
4 have each parent get a child if chores are being done simultaneously. Hopefully you’ll soon get a rhythm. Edited for ease of reading
3ThreeFriesShort − ESH. I think this is largely a developmental stage issue. At THIS age you are right, and when they are older she is right. The two of you are failing to function as a team, and while this particular issue isn’t really going to last long you need to fix that lack of a cooperative approach.
She’s got the timing wrong, and you’ve got the big picture wrong. There are tasks that can be done while watching even small children, maybe start there as an olive branch while also expecting her to try it your way sometimes. If chores are falling behind, she might feel like she CANT stop and just enjoy the kids.
BackPsychological258 − Did anyone actually read the post?. Op said. Wife. Does the chores. And leaves the children to it.. He either. does the chores. Or. watches the children. Because he feels the children are not safe on their own.
He’s offering to do all the chores if his wife will watch the children or if she prefers she can do the chores while he watches the children. He even said looking after children is full-time, which is an arguement I have heard my whole life from other mothers.Sounds to me like his wife doesnt want to watch the children. Has she shown any other symptoms of post natal depression?
Lady_Fel001 − I got the impression that everyone saying Y A is missing the point. Women generally did chores while raising kids because there was no other choice, not because they wanted to. And if a toddler gets in trouble while my back is turned and my hands are down the toilet bowl, my response time is going to be hampered (ref the exercise bike).
I read this as him wanting to enjoy watching the kids and for his wife to do the same, to focus only on them while the other is doing whatever chores they’ve got in that moment. Why does that make him lazy and incompetent?
If he’s cleaning the kitchen and it’s her turn with the kids, she doesn’t *have* to go and clean the bathroom, she can do that when he takes over with the kids. I’d have given my right arm to have that kind of arrangement over having to do three things at once.
Why should we generally run ourselves ragged multitasking if there’s no need? Or get pissy because the other person prioritises playing with the kids over something they *will* do, just not in that moment? OP, NTA, but buggered if I know how you resolve it.
SomebodyNew75 − NTA. Reading post and additional responses, he’s doing his part, she’s NOT multitasking, and he’s TRYING to have caring conversations with her, offering her whichever duty she would prefer.
She’s not willing to talk about it, leaving the kids alone after yelling at him to do chores and making sure she’s watching them, and then they are getting caught up in stuff and melting down. Personally, I found 6-30 months very demanding and exhausting and overwhelming at times. They start being able to go places without you.
You have to make sure the floors are spotless or everything is in their mouths. All doors have to be baby proofed or they’re into something they shouldn’t be, and they can’t get to stairs or they are climbing and falling down them. You can’t have anything they can possibly reach, or they pull it onto them.
It’s a lot to deal with, along with keeping up with everything else.We trapped ours. Seems like something you should look into. Have an area that is for them, that can be seen from the kitchen. Ours was in the family room. All doors were gated, so they couldn’t get out (s**ew them in if necessary!).
Or put a baby fence in the middle they can’t get out of. Make sure they can’t reach anything that could hurt them. Have their play things in there. Make it big enough you and/or your wife can play with them in there too. That way you don’t have to be hands on every minute.
You can’t throw them in and ignore for hours, but it does give you the option to step away for a couple minutes and then look in interact til they start playing again, then step away for a bit.. Good luck!
kvothe9595 − Knew reading this that so many people would jump to calling you an AH because “women have been doing it for centuries” and “your wife manages” without actually bothering to read the post and understand what you’re actually saying. You aren’t refusing to do chores, or watch the kids, you are offering to cover all the chores and she is refusing to watch the kids.
Does she have much interaction with them at all because its sounding like postpartum depression. Couples counselling may be the way to go to open the dialogue and have you both explain your points of view where is doesnt seem like an attack by either party.. Side note, are you both working?
Zimi231 − NTA and some of these Y T A responses are f**king wild.
Babycakes_01 − Definitely not an a**hole! It’s tough when one parent feels like they’re doing all the work. Watching kids while trying to be productive is nearly impossible, and it’s totally fair to voice that. Perhaps having a weekly family meeting to discuss what’s working and what’s not could foster better communication and understanding. You both want the same thing, just a smoother home life!
Stardust_Shinah − NTA. Ask her if she is willing to take a parenting class with you. Leaving young kids unattended is like the number 1 thing you’re not supposed do. So many things can become a choking hazard or safety concern in the blink of an eye.
MommyMistressQueen − NTA. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, and honestly, parenting is hard work! You’re right that watching kids is a full-time job. It’s exhausting, and you can’t really do much else while keeping an eye on them. It makes sense that you want to split the chores and the kid-watching.
I get that your wife probably feels o**rwhelmed too, but it seems like there’s a bit of a communication gap. Maybe you both need to sit down and figure out a schedule or a plan that works for both of you. It’s totally fair to say, “Hey, I’ll do the chores if you can keep an eye on the kids.”
It sounds like you just want to make things easier for both of you, and it’s not cool that she’s getting upset when you’re trying to help. You guys are a team, so just keep talking it out. Hopefully, you can find a balance that keeps everyone happy and safe!. Hang in there!
Was it reasonable for the user to insist on clearly defined roles when it comes to chores and supervision, or should both parents find a way to share responsibilities more equally? How would you navigate similar situations in your own family? Share your thoughts below!