AITA for h*miliating a dad for not knowing the rules of soccer?

A Reddit user, an 18-year-old soccer referee, shares a heated interaction with a parent during a U10 boys’ soccer match. After repeatedly being yelled at for enforcing a special “build-out line” rule, the referee confronted the parent post-game about his behavior, leading to a tense exchange. The user wonders if they were wrong to address the situation directly. Read the full story below to decide for yourself.

‘ AITA for h*miliating a dad for not knowing the rules of soccer?’

I (m18) am a soccer referee. I have officiated since 2020 and have played soccer for 12 years now. I have been wondering about this for a while now. Last weekend, I was officiating a few games for U10 boys. For ages 10 and under in the select league I was reffing, there is a special set of rules. There is a line called the “build-out line”, and it is essentially a line on both ends of the field (about 10 yards in front of the goalkeeping box).

So long as you are behind the line, it does not matter where the players on the opposing team are. You can be past the defenders but not pass the build-out line, and score. In an older age group, offside would apply and this would not be allowed. However, this is very clearly written in the rules and in the last game I reffed, one of the kids on the blue team scored 3 goals this way. Behind the last defender, but not passing the build out line, so they all counted.

Every time, some dad from the team that was losing kept screaming that I had no idea what I was doing and that every one of the goals was offside. I heard one of the parents say “it’s onside because of the buildout lines”, but it was very quiet. The dad continued to shout but I ignored him, and the game finished with his team losing 6-0. At the end, he was swearing to a bunch of the parents on his side, and I heard him say “this ref is fking terrible”.

I walked over to him after I blew my whistle and said “every one of those goals was legal because of the buildout line rules. You should consider learning the rules of the sport before you sign up your own child and swear in front of a bunch of kids.” He looked like he was about to explode. Some of the parents looked angry too and his little circle went quiet. He started clapping sarcastically and said “way to keep it professional, sir”. I then left.

I told my parents and my mother laughed. My father told me I shouldn’t bother associating with people like that and it makes me stoop to their level.. Aita? Edit: should have clarified, build out lines are a rule for the league I was officiating. It is not an outstanding rule in soccer for all leagues. I should have worded that better, apologies.

Check out how the community responded:

Aestro17 −  NTA – If anything, you were far too nice. A lot of leagues will quickly kick out parents who are being disrespectful to the refs, especially if they’re swearing at a kids game.

Constant-Door-8440 −  NTA. The dad may have been sarcastic, but you truly did handle it in a calm and professional way. You swiftly schooled him and moved on.

byedangerousbitch −  NTA The ONLY thing I think you should maybe have done differently would be to give him this dressing down sooner. If a parent is being rude and disruptive, you can ask the coach to speak to them at any time. If they refuse to stop, you can ask them to leave the field/park. Him being loud and wrong was distracting for you, it was also certainly distracting for the kids trying to play and learn. That dad blew up because he’s a hothead and he was embarrassed. That’s on him. You shouldn’t feel bad about it.

capmanor1755 −  As a past sports league board member I would 100% expect my league coaching staff to step in after the first incident and I would expect that parent to be banned from games if disrespected a ref or a coach.
You get 10/10 stars for professionalism. I would talk to the league staff that hired you about how to handle these situations.

At a minimum I would expect them to empower you to tell the coach on that parent’s team that they need to rein in their own bystanders/parents. If they fail to rein them in I would start putting penalties on the team. You shouldn’t be subjected to that and his kids shouldn’t be seeing it. NTA.

filkerdave −  You should have given him a red card and told him to leave. Edit to add judgement: NTA.

pupperoni42 −  NTA. I would suggest phrasing it as the “rules of the league” rather than “rules of the sport” since most of us who have played, ref’d and coached soccer have never heard of build out lines – although it seems like a smart variant for little kids. Definitely tell your supervisor which team the parent belonged to and ask that they have the coach speak to him before the next game.

In the future, tell the parent to be quiet during the game. My 14yo threw a parent out mid game for behavior like that. The parent straightened up and when my son officiated a future game of theirs other parents thanked him, as it had really straightened the guy’s behavior out and everyone was enjoying the games more as a result.

My son also told a coach he’d throw him out if he questioned his calls again without having the rule book open to the correct page and being right. Because my son was correct and the coach was undermining his authority by repeatedly challenging the calls. No one needs that in little kids’ sports, especially when these adults are trying to intimidate you kids who are officiating.

realshockvaluecola −  NTA. You literally did keep it professional, you didn’t swear and weren’t rude, you just pointed out his own rude behavior. The sarcastic clap was because he knew he was caught out not knowing the damn rules and was mad about it, and that was his weak reply.

Zorbie −  NTA, responding doesn’t lower you to their level, its how they respond. He was screaming curses at a kid’s sporting event and having a tantrum, you told him the rules and gave some spicy sass, that seems like a justified response. Fixed a autocorrect.

BetAlternative8397 −  NTA. In my younger days I:. – umpired softball. – coached soccer. Worked in an arena cleaning up and driving the Zamboni. Parents. Are. The. Worst.

Shempisback −  NTA. But you can maybe consider how to deal with this better. If a parent is shouting at you there is no reason you cannot stop the game and speak with the coaches. You maybe could have nipped it in the bud. I appreciate it isn’t your job to tech them the rules though. Ask the coaches to tell the parents the rules and to let the kids play. The coach should be responsible for the parents. At a young age it is about having fun and learning things – so they should support you with it.