AITA for giving my ring back after my fiancé made a comment to his guy friends regarding why we haven’t gotten married?
In relationships, open communication and mutual respect are paramount. When these elements falter, misunderstandings and hurt feelings can arise. In this narrative, a 30-year-old woman, engaged to her partner for four years and together for eight, faces a challenging situation.
Despite their long-term commitment and shared experiences, including overcoming homelessness and welcoming a child, recent events have led her to question the future of their relationship. After overhearing her fiancé make dismissive remarks about marriage to his friends and expressing reluctance to discuss wedding plans, she decides to return her engagement ring.
This action prompts a significant reaction from her fiancé, leading her to question whether she overstepped. Is she justified in her response to his comments and hesitation, or is she overreacting to a situation that requires more nuanced understanding?
‘ AITA for giving my ring back after my fiancé made a comment to his guy friends regarding why we haven’t gotten married?’
Expert Opinions:
The Impact of Dismissive Remarks
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes that seemingly casual, negative remarks about commitment can erode trust and emotional security in a relationship. Such comments, even if made in jest, can lead to significant emotional distress for the partner who values the commitment.
The Importance of Clear Communication
Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist, highlights the necessity of open and honest communication between partners. Avoiding discussions about future plans or expressing reluctance can create misunderstandings and feelings of rejection.
The Symbolism of the Engagement Ring
According to legal perspectives, an engagement ring is often viewed as a symbol of a promise to marry. Returning the ring can signify a withdrawal from that promise, which can have both emotional and legal implications.
Solutions Proposed by Experts:
- Open Dialogue: Initiate a candid conversation about each partner’s feelings toward marriage and the future of the relationship. This discussion should be approached with empathy and without judgment.
- Couples Counseling: Seek the guidance of a licensed therapist to navigate underlying issues and improve communication skills.
- Reassess Commitments: Both partners should reflect on their individual desires and expectations to determine if they align and whether the relationship should continue in its current form.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Online discussions reveal a spectrum of perspectives. Some individuals support the woman’s decision to return the ring, interpreting her fiancé’s comments as a lack of commitment. Others suggest that his remarks might have been made in jest, advising that the couple engage in a thorough discussion to clarify their intentions and feelings about marriage.
This situation underscores the critical importance of clear communication and mutual understanding in a relationship. When partners have differing views on commitment and future plans, it’s essential to address these discrepancies openly and empathetically.
The woman’s decision to return the engagement ring reflects her feelings of hurt and uncertainty regarding her fiancé’s commitment. To move forward, both individuals must engage in honest dialogue to determine the future of their relationship and ensure that their expectations and desires are aligned.
I understand this feeling and I have moved away. My story is similar but not. We are older have kids who are grown but from other relationships. My partner said we would get married, still not engaged but still committed. The thing is though, I feel like an absolute moron. In waiting my family has either died, become mentally unstable and all waiting for his timeline. I love him but not sure if we ever did get married that I would be able to go through with it now. My heart feels absolutely stripped away. He is a loving man and does most things like dinner etc while I work full time but that can never bring back the stolen moments. Intentionally or not. My grief goes way beyond anything I can explain and I just keep getting told to be patient. Now I feel like I have lost my desire to see him in my life as growing old together. We have been together 6.5 yrs known each other 8.
You need to take the time to weigh the pros and cons of staying with him. If you really want to get married one day, this is not the guy for you. What do you want? Please think hard about you and your child and what kind of life you want for the two of you. You deserve someone who is at least honest with you.
NTA. “I think we need to weigh the pros and cons of being married first.” This is something you think about BEFORE you ask someone to marry you, NOT after! He’s not worth your time.
Well, he’s got most of the benefits of being married, you’re asking for the paperwork that recognizes that. Twelve years? Yeah, I was with my BF for 12 yrs also. After my promotion I told him I’d figured out my finances and in 5 yrs or less I’d have a house and didn’t need a man to buy it for me, or anything else for that matter. We got married about a year later. Been married for 33 yrs now. Make your point, decide if you want to stay or go. Do you want to waste another 12 years or find someone who will appreciate you. I think giving back the ring is a step towards walking out the door if you so choose. NTAH
I will not continue being in a relationship with someone who doubts to marry me. I will just suggest co-parenting and leave him right away so i can start to move on with peace of mind.
I’d double down on that and tell him I no longer wanted to get married and wanted to keep my options open. Let him chew on that. Seriously, if the guy doesn’t want to marry you he probably isn’t THE ONE!!!
I would dump his a** wanting the benefits of marriage without the commitment. Believe me if he wanted to, he would