AITA for getting back the money my husband took from our IVF treatment and gave to his friend?

A Reddit user shared her emotional dilemma after discovering her husband secretly took $7,000 from their IVF savings to lend it to his best friend for a car.

The money included her inheritance and years of hard-earned savings for fertility treatments, while her husband contributed minimally. When she demanded the money back, even threatening police involvement, her husband accused her of being unhinged and selfish, leading to a heated conflict.

Read the full story below to understand the tension and the fallout from this situation.

‘ AITA for getting back the money my husband took from our IVF treatment and gave to his friend?’

To start off I want to say that my husband (36M) has an old friend (33M) that he’s known since highschool. they’re inseperable and spend the entire week together. like they’re really really close.

My husband and I struggled with fertility issues for years. we recently started new method (IVF) in hopes to get at least one child together. Note that I saved for the majority of treatment while my husband only paid 2-3 thousands.

We saved up for another round after the huge disappointment and heartbreak from failing the first time (that’s just how it goes). This time I’d put all the money (including dad’s inhertance) and my husband didn’t pay a cent.

Last week I found out that he secretly pulled out 7k (we had 11k in total). I was completely and utterly shocked I confronted him and he casually reminded me of how many times his best friend complained about his “old junk” car and he decided to “lend” him 7k to buy a decent car, his argument was that his friend would’ve done the same for him.

I was beyond livid I asked if he really thought that was okay and he said that I shouldn’t worry and guaranteed his friend will pay us back in time. I lost it on him and immediately demanded his friend to send the money back and threatened police involvement in case he refused.

His friend immediately returned the money but told my husband about the polic thing and my husband came home and yelled at me calling me unhinged and selfish.

I told him I saved up some of this money/used my inheritance for this treatment while he contributed nothing even though we’re in this together. He “corrected” me saying I’m the one with the problem and he thought it’s only fair that I “make up” for it by paying for the IVF myself.

This hurt so badly and I couldn’t argue anymore. He went to stay with his friend while constantly shaming me for how I treated them both and for the police invovlement like they stole from me or something.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

lmchatterbox −  NTA. That was money you saved/inherited. That means you ARE the one paying for it and he DID steal from you.

[Reddit User] −  He “corrected” me saying I’m the one with the problem and he thought it’s only fair that I “make up” for it by paying for the IVF myself. I hate to say it, ~~but unless he apologize profuselly and makes amends~~, you should run.

This man has no respect for you. How could he say something so hurtful to the person he is supposed to love ? If this is really what he thinks of you, he doesn’t deserve you.. NTA.

Edit : I striked out a part of my text, because OP stated that it’s not the first time he uses this line. Clearly he means it. He is 100% **accusing** her instead of **supporting** her. This is not how loving husbands act.

Country-girl-2212 −  Oh Hon…you are not “in this together”…do not have a child with this man.. NTA

DustyOwl32 −  NTA. He doesn’t seem like he actually wants kids. Better idea, divorce him and get a sperm doner/ surrogate.

StonewoodApothecary −  NTA and I think it’s evident at this point you are no longer in a committed relationship. Your husband has finally revealed several things to you.

Something I don’t think you realize that he revealed is that he no longer thinks you will have a child no matter what. If he was in it to have a child he wouldn’t have pulled that money out to begin with.

It was a hit or miss on whether or not the friend could repay that 7 k in time. If he needed it then its not something he can easily acquire back. On top of this your husband is now outwardly hurting you by saying you are the one with the problem and is effectively saying it isn’t his fault. Your husband no longer wants to have a child with you.

And his lack of cate and feelings for you, as well as how ready he was to steal money from you, just shows that this relationship is over.

For your own mental safety I recommend leaving him and finding someone to love who is mentally available to take this journey with you. Your husband is not this man.

zszal −  NTA. Are you sure your husband and this guy are just really good friends? I can’t imagine giving $7000 to my close friends from high school so they can buy a car! Seems weird to me. Also, not to pull the divorce card, but holy guacamole.

If you and your husband have such different views of financial responsibility and money management, I’m not sure how your marriage lasts in the long term. Sorry you’re going through this. If you continue with IVF treatments, then I wish you the best of luck.

Sarabanana97 −  NTA.Your husband should have asked you about it first and it would’ve been your decision not his.
On another topic, it is not your fault for your fertility issues. Maybe it’s the fate telling you not to do it with this man.

There’s too many red flags here. He doesn’t contribute as much as he can. He thinks it’s your responsibility. He will think that about the child as well. He doesn’t respect you enough to include you in decisions kf importance.

He feels like what’s yours is his. What’s his is his. He is immature and childish. Who goes snickering to his friend? I used to do it when I was about 10/13 about my mom. Honey please do not have a child with him.

Once you do that you are stuck for good. Divorce is easy when there is no children involved. Once you have a child you have to keep contact with him. And you do not want that.

Take care of yourself and find someone who values you and is willing to fight and support you through the motherhood journey.Its not all sunshine and rainbows. But it doesn’t have to be storms and hurricanes either.

Take care of yourself and remember you are your only priority right now. Not your husband. You do not have to feel responsible for his behaviour and it was not because of anything you did. He crossed a very serious line. He still did not acknowledge his wrongdoings and he won’t in the near future.

Accurate-Fisherman68 −  NTA.
I don’t see how your marriage can come back from this.

[Reddit User] −  NTA and I’d be looking for a divorce lawyer. He has put his friend getting a new car above you trying for a child and blames you for an issue that you neither instigated nor asked for. He is not the man for you.

_neontangles −  I told him I saved up some of this money/used my inheritance for this treatment while he contributed nothing even though we’re in this together. He “corrected” me saying I’m the one with the problem and he thought it’s only fair that I “make up” for it by paying for the IVF myself.

This is one of the cruelest things you could say to a person. Please, PLEASE, don’t have a child with him. And I would honestly *seriously* reconsider this relationship completely after a comment like that.

Someone that truly loved and respected you would never say something that awful, let alone take 7k out of the bank, that was for IVF, to lend a friend without a discussion. NTA.

Do you think the Redditor’s actions to retrieve the money were justified given the stakes of their IVF treatment, or should she have handled it differently? Was her husband’s decision to lend such a large sum fair in this situation?
Share your thoughts and opinions below!