AITA for forcing my daughter to return what she stole, on her birthday?’

A mom took her 13-year-old daughter and friends to the mall for her birthday. During the outing, the mother caught her daughter trying to steal a lip gloss and confronted her loudly in the store, making her return and apologize on the spot.

Although the store staff didn’t escalate the situation, her daughter was furious afterward, saying the public embarrassment ruined her birthday. The daughter argued her mom could’ve handled the situation privately, worried that her friends might spread the story, potentially damaging her reputation at school.

Now, the mother wonders if she was too harsh or if she did the right thing by teaching a lesson about stealing.

‘ AITA for forcing my daughter to return what she stole, on her birthday?’

So I took my 13 yr old daughter to the mall for her birthday with a few of her friends. I don’t particularly like her friends, but that’s irrelevant. Anyway, they were having fun. They bought some makeup and and tried on clothes, I bought them a couple outfits each but nothing super expensive.

Then I noticed my daughter pocketing a lipgloss. I got really mad (usually I don’t get mad) and I asked her In a pretty loud voice what she was doing. She said nothing, and I made her turn out her pockets, and then I made her return it and apologize. A lot of people in the store were watching and so were her friends.

Luckily the store people didn’t make it a huge deal and we left. We went home straight away after that, and after we dropped off her friends my daughter was really angry with me. She said i ruined her birthday and that i could have scolded her for stealing the lipgloss later, when we were alone.

She said it didn’t really matter that much and now her friends would tell everyone, and they’d all look down on her. I remember middle school and how much it sucked. She might lose friends over this. Am I the a**hole for not handling it in a quieter way?

See what others had to share with OP:

OlderAndTired −  Your 13 year old scolded YOU for parenting her when SHE was stealing right in front of you?! I would tell her she’s in trouble for stealing and for how she’s behaving. She has no one to blame but herself.

[Reddit User] −  NTA you didn’t ruin her Birthday – SHE ruined her own Birthday by stealing, her friends might tell everyone she is a t**ef and they might look down on her for that and she has learned a very important message DONT STEAL, if a security guard had caught her instead of you there would have been a different outcome.

you handled this perfectly, you made a scene and made her return the item and appologise in front of her friends, sne might be angry and a bit embarrassed right now but she has just found out that this behavour is unacceptable

whichwitch9 −  NTA. Store likely didn’t kick up a fuss because you were a parent actually watching their kid who called them out when they stole. You did the hard part for them and public shaming is way more effective than anything they could do. Your daughter got some nerve to not only steal, but to also do it in front of a parent

K8Reddit −  NTA. Birthday girls don’t get a free pass on shoplifting. And if she was that afraid of what her friends would say/think, she shouldn’t have shoplifted while she was with them (which could have led to their getting in trouble too).

Your daughter’s behavior and response make me think that this probably wasn’t her first time doing this and that you probably can’t blame this on the influence of her friends. If I were you, I’d be scrutinizing what’s going on with her.

GothicandHungry −  NTA. I remember when I was around five or six, I was with my mom at a store in the makeup section. I understood what stealing was, but I was a kid who didn’t really get why it was bad. I also knew what lipstick was and that Mommy liked lipstick and I wanted to make Mommy happy.

Mommy was not happy when we came home and I gave her a bright pink lipstick I had pocketed (it wasn’t her color, IG?) So she drove me right back down while terrifying me with stories on how I was now a criminal and the police would take me to jail and I’d never leave (I knew what jail was because I watched Cops with grandma).

The store manager was laughing when she saw a six year old crying because she thought she was gonna go to prison for stealing a lipstick from Walgreens. But she accepted my apology and told me she wouldn’t call the police on me.

She explained why stealing is very wrong and why it’s important to pay for things and that, while I may have just wanted my mom happy, she’d be happier if I did good things like clean my room. My mom paid for the lipstick (I think she wanted me to start feeling better) and got me McDonald’s on the way home. I never stole again.

The feelings I felt that day stayed with me and, while I laugh about it now (I guess my love of makeup was always with me), I knew it was an embarrassing and scary situation that taught me a valuable lesson. Man, I miss my mom. She was great.

seamstresshag −  Better to be embarrassed at 13 than in jail at 33! Good job mom!

Darth_Yogurt −  NTA. If she’s angry at anyone it’s herself. Actions have consequences.

Ok_Illustrator3344 −  NTA. Your daughter was stealing and you took the appropriate action. The only person your daughter should be mad at or embarrassed by is herself. She’s lucky it was you and not store security or police.

He_Who_Is_Person −  NTA. Actions have consequences.

ApprehensiveGene5396 −  NTA, b**t stole and thought it made her hot s**t, a reality check was warranted, and the public shame of your peers is a proportional punishment from thievery. No one likes a t**ef, and that needs to be taught; if she didn’t want to be ridiculed, should’ve kept her sticky fingers to herself.

Was the mom justified in immediately addressing the behavior, or should she have waited to avoid public embarrassment? Do you think the daughter learned the right lesson, or will it backfire socially? Share your take in the comments!