AITA for forcing 3 of my kids to get a job and charging rent but not the other?

In a household where family rules were set from a young age, one parent’s decision has sparked a debate about fairness and responsibility. The story centers around a parent who promised to cover all expenses if their children pursued higher education. However, when three of the children—three daughters—chose not to attend college, they were asked to secure jobs and contribute a modest rent of $200 a month.

Meanwhile, the son, who recently graduated and enrolled in college, continues to receive full parental support without any rent obligation. This arrangement, designed years ago as a guiding principle, has now left one group feeling shortchanged while the other enjoys the benefits of an educational promise.

The narrative unfolds with raw honesty, as the parent explains that the deal was clearly laid out early in life. The daughters, having made different choices, are now questioning the fairness of their situation compared to their brother’s. In a world where personal choices dictate responsibilities, this tale invites us to reflect on the balance between parental support and the need for self-reliance.

‘AITA for forcing 3 of my kids to get a job and charging rent but not the other?’

I always told my kids that if they go to college, I’ll take care of everything else. Told them that since they were little kids. Now i have 4 kids. 3 daughter and 1 son. The 3 oldest (the daughters) decided college wasn’t for them. I understood but I told them they can’t just sit in my house. I made them get jobs and I charge them rent. 200 a month.

They’re all doing well but they all still live in the house. My youngest is 18. That’s the boy. He graduated 3 months ago but just got accepted into a college. I did not force him to get a job as I said if they go to school I’ll literally do everything else. He himself decided he wanted a job.

He works at fedex and makes about 300 a week. I don’t charge him rent and I’m still gonna try to take care of him until he’s done with college. My daughter are more than mad that he’s not paying anything. They believe him having a job means he can pay something. They also belive I shouldnt take care of everything for him if he has a job and he’s not paying rent.

I’m not charging him rent because he’s going to school. Him getting a job changes nothing in my mind. He simply saw this as a golden opportunity and is running with it. AITA for forcing my daughter to get a job and charge rent while my son doesn’t have to pay anything because he went to school.

Navigating the dynamics of parental promises and the responsibilities of adulthood is never straightforward. In this case, the parent’s decision to require the daughters to work and pay rent—while continuing to support the son through college—stems from an early, clearly communicated agreement. The idea was simple: if you choose the traditional route of higher education, you receive full support; if not, then it’s time to learn self-sufficiency by working and contributing to household expenses.

This situation highlights a broader issue many families face as their children transition into adulthood. It’s a delicate balance between nurturing independence and providing support. Relationship and parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham emphasizes, “Setting clear expectations and boundaries is essential for fostering accountability in young adults.”

This quote underscores the notion that when expectations are set early on, children are better equipped to understand the consequences of their choices. The parent in this story clearly laid out the conditions from the start, ensuring that each child knew what to expect should they decide against pursuing higher education.

Yet, the emotional landscape is complex. While the son appears to have embraced the opportunity provided by his educational path, his sisters now feel that the rules are unevenly applied. This tension is not uncommon in blended family arrangements where different life choices lead to different responsibilities.

Research in developmental psychology suggests that when young adults are given clear, consistent boundaries, they are more likely to develop the resilience and resourcefulness necessary for independent living. However, discrepancies—even those agreed upon long ago—can breed feelings of resentment and perceived unfairness among siblings.

Ultimately, this debate invites us to consider the role of parental promises in shaping adult responsibilities. When rules are established early and applied consistently, they serve as a framework for growth. However, the challenge remains in addressing the emotional fallout when those choices lead to divergent paths—a topic that continues to spark lively discussions both online and off.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Across the board, many Redditors feel that the parent’s decision is fair, given the clear terms set from the beginning. Some argue that the daughters’ grievances stem more from regret over their choices than any real injustice. Others suggest that if they believe the arrangement is unfair, they should consider alternative living situations to foster greater independence. The overall sentiment is one of support for the idea that personal choices come with corresponding responsibilities.

[Reddit User] −  NTA My father told all six of us, if you go to university and stay, I’ll pay and help you with expenses. If your drop out and want to go back it’s on your dime. I am the youngest, my brother closest in age to me went to university and got our degrees because we watched the other four drop out. Your daughters are jealous. You were fair and offered all your children the same opportunity. Your daughter’s didn’t take you up on the offer. Let them find a rent with everything included and board for $200 a month if living in your house is a burden.

PumpkinPowerful3292 −  NTA – The deal was if they keep in school you’ll pay, the same deal I have given my kids. If not you get a job and pay rent. If you are still in school and make some money on the side, good for you. Your son is just making a better deal for himself because he is more productive. Your daughters should really take that lesson to heart in life. Rewards come when you put in the extra effort.

mdthomas −  If your daughters aren’t going to college or trade school, having them pay rent is fair. It’s still much less than what they would have to pay living on their own. Your son decided to get a job to have extra money while in school. Him having the extra income does not mean he should have to pay rent as he is abiding by the terms of your agreement.. NTA

[Reddit User] −  NTA.  Your son is in school.  You support him per the deal you offered all of your children.  As far as his wages … 300 a week is not nothing, but it is also not a whole lot.  It is really spending money, not “I can live on this” money. Besides… If the elder children are upset and consider their current situation unfair, they are certainly free to find other lodging.

Also, I am sorry for backseat parenting, but unless you are charging them token rent so they can save money for some goal (such as a nest egg before they, well, leave the nest), I am not sure you are doing them any favors by charging a very below-market rent for them to stay with you indefinitely. It may be time for you to push them out of the nest.  

lihzee −  NTA. Seems like a damn good deal to me. $200 a month isn’t much and they knew your rules from the start. They could all move out and pay $1,200 if they think this is so unfair.

knitmeapony −  INFO: Did the other kids jump into the workforce or did any of them do any other kind of training? College is fine but trade schools, internships, and other workforce-preparation stuff are equally worthy and important. If they went to one of those and you didn’t cover them, I’d say that’s unfair. If they went right to working, then you’re fine.. Edit: fix a typo.

extinct_diplodocus −  NTA. All four of your kids were offered the same deal. Only one went for it. Any of the others could have done the same.

scrunchie_one −  NTA – we always had the same deal with my parents. Lived for free while at school (essentially school is your job), or you pay rent. What you are charging them is a pittance compared to what their actual living expenses would be if they moved out, so they should be grateful for the help. Also the fact that they say you’re ‘forcing’ them to get a job is downright laughable. Sorry what else are they planning to do with their time if they aren’t in school and don’t have a job? What world do they live in?

velociraptorjax −  INFO: these two quotes make me think this is about more than just rent: I don’t charge him rent and I’m still gonna try to take care of him until he’s done with college.. And. They also belive I shouldnt take care of everything for him if he has a job and he’s not paying rent.

What do you mean by “take care of everything for him”? Are you doing laundry and grocery shopping and cooking for your son but not your daughters?
If you’re just talking about rent, your setup is more than fair. But it sounds like there’s something more to the story your daughters are upset about.

Right_Count −  NTA. “No rent if you’re in school” is super common. Are they just wanting to live for free forever? And $200 a month for rent is a token amount. Personally I’d increase it but give it back to them as a rent deposit so they can get out of your house sooner than later.

This family tale poses an interesting question: How do we balance parental promises with the evolving realities of adult life? The parent’s clear rules set long ago have now led to a situation where choices dictate responsibilities, yet feelings of inequality still emerge. What do you think—is it fair to reward the decision to pursue higher education with full support, even if it means asking others to contribute financially? Share your thoughts and experiences—how would you handle such a scenario in your family?