AITA for falling for another woman?

A 43-year-old man reflects on his marriage of nearly six years, which has been strained since his wife fell ill after complications from Covid. As her mental health deteriorated, he found himself taking on all household responsibilities without gratitude, leading to feelings of emotional exhaustion.

After developing a connection with a coworker, he grapples with the guilt of falling for another woman, even though he hasn’t acted on those feelings physically, questioning if his marriage can be salvaged.

‘AITA for falling for another woman?’

I (43m) have been married (40f) for almost 6 years. She has a couple of children from previous relationships that are all adults now, who I have taken as my own children.
A couple of years ago, she got sick due to complications from Covid. And while it physically took its toll, mentally it defeated her.

Especially combined with other hardships she has faced in the past. For a little more than a year, this mental funk has worn me down. I accepted that I had to do virtually everything around the house, but the lack of gratitude and demands to do more wore on me. If I had a bad day at work, hers was worse so I had to console her.

She stressed about money but I couldn’t work late. And eventually it became attacks or guilt trips. I tried to help her, I tried to pull her out of it, but she refused to budge. She wouldn’t leave the bed to come out with me, she wouldn’t seek out disability to help the financial strain, she wouldn’t try counseling to try to overcome the hump.

About 4 months ago, a coworker and I, who I have known and worked with for years, started getting closer. But I’m married, so I ignored whatever flight of fancy I might be feeling. Except it wasn’t just physically that I thought about her. It was missing her laugh, or going out of my way to see her, albeit just for a minute.

My wife now knows that there’s a mutual attraction between myself and my coworker, however since I didn’t do anything physical, she thinks we can salvage our marriage. And I’m afraid I’ve emotionally moved on.

I know I owe it to her to try to rekindle the spark, and have tried avoiding the third party and focusing on my wife who is trying now, but deep down, I fear it’s too late.
I already know I’m the a*shole here. I never foresaw myself as the guy who bailed on his sick wife, and in essence, now I am.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Rooflife1 says:

I think it still turns into OP sleeping with the co-worker

Dependent-Feed1105 says:

What does his wife expect??? She’s abusing him and alienating him. Of course he’s open to having feelings for another woman. That’s normal. He absolutely did the right thing by recognizing it and being honest with his wife. I don’t see what he did wrong here.

waxonwaxoff87 says:

A drowning person will look for anything to grab hold on.

LordByronApplestash says:

Correct. He tried to get her to get help. She refused. If he keeps supporting her he is just enabling. He should leave for his sake and for hers.

Aylauria says:

Having depression isn’t my fault, but it is my responsibility.That is really well said. Hope you are doing better now!

This situation sheds light on the complexities of relationships, especially during tough times when one partner is struggling. Can the man find a way to reconnect with his wife, or has the emotional distance created an irreparable rift? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!