AITA for “demanding” my GF to change her dress for a wedding?

A Reddit user describes an argument with their girlfriend over her choice to wear an off-white dress to a wedding. Concerned about wedding etiquette, the user requested a wardrobe change, sparking a heated exchange that led to the girlfriend being left behind. Read the original story below:

‘ AITA for “demanding” my GF to change her dress for a wedding?’

This happened during this weekend, me being in my early thirties and my gf in her late twenties. I was invited to a wedding ceremony of a colleague and could bring someone with me. I asked my GF that I’ve been dating for a year if she would like to join me and she was really happy because she apparently loves weddings.

Since we don’t live together I drove to pick her up so we’d have some time to spare before the ceremony. As she comes out she looks really beautiful and has obviously put in time to fix her hair and make-up. She’s also wearing an off-white dress that was rather ornate.

As she got in I told her that she looked stunning, but I asked if she could change to a different colored dress for the ceremony. I’m not one for etiquette by far, but one of the few things I have heard everywhere is that you should not wear a white dress to a wedding unless you’re the bride. She became pretty upset and wanted to know what was wrong with her dress.

I said that it would be inappropriate to wear a white or off-white dress unless you’re the bride – and that it’s like wedding-law or something, trying to be lighthearted about it. She rolled her eyes and said that it was an outdated tradition about women and virginity and that when her friends got married everyone wore white and that it’s not a big thing anymore.

I told her that I don’t know what the dress code is for this ceremony, but since it’s not saying “all white clothes” I still thought she should change to another color but white or “almost-white” – because my colleague was getting married and we had no idea how she felt about it.

My gf became really upset and told me that I was trying to control what she was wearing and that it was abusive, which honestly made me really upset and hurt. I said something along the lines of “F**k, well you shouldn’t go to a wedding with an abuser then” and then I told her to f**k off out of my car.

She began to cry and wanted to apologize and give me a hug, but I just told her to get out, which she did. I drove off and she called and texted me a bunch. I answered “I don’t want to talk right now” and then turned my phone off and attended the ceremony.

The bride was the only one that was wearing white so I feel as if my gut feeling was the right one. When I got home my phone had blown up by texts from her and her best friend saying that I was being inconsiderate and controlling and should apologize for my behavior.

I’ve vented to a few friends – most of them agreeing with me but some have said that it was an a**hole thing to tell her that she could not wear her dress – because it had nothing to do with me. I feel as if I was in the right since it was my colleagues wedding and it was better to be safe than sorry, but I’m also not sure if I was being an a**hole about the situation. So, reddit AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

beeeeeebee −  Absolutely NTA – and your GF sounds like an attention-seeking nightmare. Literally everyone knows you’re not supposed to wear white to a wedding. Even if she magically had not heard this rule, the second you mentioned it – a reasonable person would have changed dresses just to be safe.

She clearly wanted to be center of attention/create drama… and when you wouldn’t allow it, she created drama another way. I would honestly end this relationship unless you want to end up married to one of those JNMILs who wear white to their son’s wedding and then act mystified when the bride gets upset!

lexkixass −  NTA. You don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding. when her friends got married everyone wore white and that it’s not a big thing anymore. That’s for her friends & people she knows. This was for a colleague of *yours’* wedding. Aka strangers she doesn’t know.

My gf became really upset and told me that I was trying to control what she was wearing and that it was abusive, Your gf was out of line. She can wear white/off-white to *other* functions. Asking her to change for one freakin event was not abusive. Especially when your reason for why was valid!

said something along the lines of “F**k, well you shouldn’t go to a wedding with an abuser then” and then I told her to f**k off out of my car. She began to cry and wanted to apologize and give me a hug, but I just told her to get out, which she did. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.. Glad you enjoyed the wedding!

OrangeCubit −  NTA – I’m suspicious of her motives here because EVERYONE knows you don’t wear white to a wedding.

parishilton2 −  NTA. never thought I’d comment that on a post with a title like yours. It’s concerning that your girlfriend would call your étiquette corrections “abusive.” Has she been abused before?

Dramatic-Ride-7666 −  NTA. Given that your gf knows about your family history with abuse. I feel like she purposefully chose to use that would to manipulate you. I’m sorry OP. Def not the AH and but your gf sure is.

ghostwriter623 −  NTA. If she truly “loves weddings” then she absolutely knows you don’t wear anything close to white to someone else’s wedding. Her excuses about doing so for a friend were ridiculous since 1) she doesn’t know this bride, and 2) this is a colleague of yours. Then, trying to shift the blame for the situation onto you? Yikes.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. How f\*king dare she! She knew. Oh she totally knew! 100% there is no way she didn’t know. I’m not even the bride and I’m furious with her.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. You’re the one invited and the one that’s going to face the social blowback when people get upset at what she’s wearing, not her. To then claim you’re controlling and abusive and demand you apologize is a massive red flag.

Mallvar −  UPDATE: I never expected this thread to get this many replies. I am incredibly thankful for all of you that have reached out and commented, and I really really appreciate that you’ve taken the time to tell me. My GF saw the thread (f**king oops) and we talked. She apologized and I apologized and it was pretty good actually.

She asked if she could come over, and I said no and that it would be best for us to go our separate ways. She got upset and asked why I wouldn’t even try to work it out. I said good bye and then she said my d**k was small which actually made me laugh after what had been a pretty mature conversation and then she hung up.

I’m pretty sad about it, she really made me feel happy but as many of you have commented – if this was our first disagreement how would future disagreements look? So anyways I think things worked out for the best for us both. Again thank you all, and I will keep trying to respond to all of you, but there are a lot off messages!

Angie-Shopper1983 −  NTA. Your instincts were correct. It is wedding etiquette, and the fact that she doubled down and refused to change just sort of confirms that she knew this, and was trying to get attention. You have nothing to apologize for, other than a little harsh language, but the use of that was understandable in this case. Calling someone abusive when they are clearly not, is charged language.

Was the user justified in prioritizing wedding etiquette, or was their reaction to their girlfriend’s dress too harsh? Share your thoughts on balancing respect for traditions and personal boundaries in relationships.