AITA for declining my sisters thanksgiving invite due to her cats and dogs?

A Reddit user shares their decision to decline Thanksgiving at their sister’s home due to her cats and dogs, citing hygiene concerns and frustration with her pets’ behavior.

While they offered to attend if the animals were confined and they could clean the kitchen, their sister found the request disrespectful, leading to tension within the family. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for declining my sisters thanksgiving invite due to her cats and dogs?’

Every year my (35M) wife and I rotate who’s family we go to for thanksgiving. One year mine, the next year hers. This year is due to be with my family. Typically my parents host. This year my sister (29F) and husband asked to host and my parents okayed it. I declined and caused an uproar. I’ve been called an a**hole, rude, etc.

My sister loves animals, and well… I don’t. I rarely go to her house and when I do it’s without my wife and kids. 1. I find the fact she lets her cats into the kitchen and on the counters really f**king gross.

2. Her dog is super obnoxious, not all that well behaved. It’ll jump on you and that type of stuff. I wouldn’t say it’s dangerous, just annoying. When the news about who is hosting came to me, I discussed it with my wife, said let’s go to your families and my wife was good with that.

I let my parents know and they said I was overreacting. They love her dogs so in my opinion they have a distorted viewpoint. The news made it to my sister and she was not happy. I told her we would come if the animals stayed in another room (and didn’t come out at all) and I could clean the kitchen.

She said I could clean all I wanted, but that was a disrespectful request to her family. I told her that her pets are not family to me and I don’t want to spend time with them. Ive left it with the fact that I’m not going to my sisters, but my sister and parents are upset with my decision.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Witty-Stock-4913 −  NAH, but I’m loving reading all of the differing viewpoints here. You don’t have to eat at anyone’s house. And you don’t have to have a specific reason for it. She’s welcome to live her life with her animals however she likes, you have no idea how she cleans her counters, etc.

Ready-Conflict-1887 −  Ok I’ve read some of the comments and others backlash. I’m going with NTA. You’re allowed to decline an invitation. Period, they asked for a reason you gave one and they didn’t like it. Oh well. You’re allowed to have feelings and opinions and they are allowed to not like them.

I guess I don’t understand your families outcry of a**hole or some commenters because if my Aunt would have told my mother something similar my mother would have just shrugged or rolled her eyes and said ok see you another time.

NoHorseNoMustache −  NTA: My mom has a fear of big dogs jumping on her. My dad’s side of the family refused to put their giant, badly behaved Rottweilers in their fully furnished basement for a few hours so they wouldn’t jump on my mom(or anyone else).

They completely refused and got kind of offended at the suggestion. We haven’t talked to them in over a decade. If animals are more important than people to your family than they can keep the animals and you can associate with people whose priorities are in the right order.

WolfSilverOak −  ESH. I have cats. I know full well they get on the counters even though they know better. It’s why the counters get thoroughly cleaned and disinfected before cooking happens. Even with using cutting boards.

My dog, who is large, is separated when we have company, because, even moderately well behaved, his size makes him a lot for most people. You decided to go to the InLaws this year instead. Great!

But the way you broke that news and the ultimatums you gave for you being willing to attend is assholish behavior. The reactions in return are also assholish, but given how you went about things, likely should have been expected.

Going to your InLaws instead is a good compromise. I’d do it more often, honestly. There’s no law saying you absolutely have to have holidays with only one family, every year. Let them enjoy Thanksgiving without you all this year. But expect them to reciprocate when it’s your turn to host.

Basic-Regret-6263 −  NTA.  You’re not going no-contact over the pets, you’re just choosing to eat at a different place. That being said, are you thinking long-term?

Your parents are getting older, and it looks like they’d like to hand over the hosting duties to your sister – so what’s your plan?  Do you want to host during your family’s turn for thanksgiving, and have her host during the ones you spend with the inlaws?

Whorible_wife69 −  Maybe this a Black thing but pets are not allowed in the kitchen at all. My brother brings his dog for the holidays and it took one day of me saying “we’re black we don’t lick faces or go in the kitchen” for that cute little pup to know I was serious.

He knows he’s not allowed on the furniture or in beds. It’s not that hard to train them. Also I personally will never eat at a person home who considers their pet family or allows them to eat off of human utensils or lets their animal kiss them on the lips. They seem unhygienic.. NTA

One-Food-9893 −  NTA. Cats on the kitchen counter? Major gross out. Why is your family unable to accept basic domestic hygene and dog training. Hold your ground.

EmceeSuzy −  YTA, not because of your decision but because you have absolutely zero tact. All you had to say was that you were changing the schedule because of some compelling, if invented, reason to go to your in-laws.

And if there is too much contact between the families for that to work you could have said this: My family is just not comfortable around pets so we are going to switch the holiday rotation this year.

Asking your sister to gate off her pets and to LET YOU CLEAN HER KITCHEN YOURSELF was vile. If you were a 10 year old boy raised by wolves that would be a ridiculous thing to say but according to your post you are a grown-ass man.

EJ_1004 −  NTA. The dog is ill mannered and I don’t think most people would enjoy a nice meal with a side of cat hair. Your sister asked why you wouldn’t come, you were honest and told her (I don’t think there was a softer way to say this without being unclear about your reasoning),

you came up with a solution (cleaning the kitchen) which your sister felt was rude. And maybe your suggestion offended her but you made your stance 100% clear. Your family can be upset but you made a clear boundary,

you won’t eat at her house because she doesn’t control her pets, she wasn’t willing to make any compromises, and didn’t suggest any of her own, therefore you’ll be eating elsewhere.

tinatroph −  It’s understandable you don’t want to deal with pets,I get where you’re coming from, maybe there might have been a softer compromise but yeah it’s one of those things that

Do you think the Reddit user was justified in prioritizing their comfort and hygiene concerns, or should they have compromised to preserve family harmony? How do you handle situations involving differing boundaries around pets? Share your opinions below!