AITA for calling out my boyfriend’s family for changing the sleeping arrangement rules to favor his brother and SIL?

A Redditor recounts a Thanksgiving trip that turned sour after their boyfriend’s family unexpectedly changed the sleeping arrangements, leaving them on an air mattress—again. Despite following the long-standing “first come, first serve” rule, they feel unfairly targeted when the rules shift to favor another couple. Was calling out the unfairness justified? Read the full story below to decide for yourself.

‘ AITA for calling out my boyfriend’s family for changing the sleeping arrangement rules to favor his brother and SIL?’

I (24F) and my boyfriend Nathan (26M) have been together for 6 years. This year, we traveled to his parents’ house for Thanksgiving. For context, Nathan is one of four brothers: Alex (single), Jack (married to Jill), Nathan (me), and Luke (married to Millie, with a nearly 2-year-old). Everyone lives out of state except Luke and Millie. Nathan and I have the longest drive at 9 hrs.

Here’s the issue: Nathan’s parents, Mary and John, have only two guest bedrooms. Three couples tend to visit at a time, meaning someone has to sleep on an air mattress in-between the rooms. The first year I visited, I was told they’d rotate who gets the air mattress to keep it fair.

But after three years on it, we were told it was now “first come, first serve.” Nathan’s job doesn’t allow much holiday time, so we’re almost always last to arrive and stuck on the air mattress. While annoying, we understood—it seemed logical.

This year was different. Nathan and I got Monday through Thursday off and would arrive first. I talked to Mary about how we were to finally get a bedroom, and she laughed, saying, “Yep, first come, first serve.” Millie, who I’ve grown close to, knew we were thrilled about the prospect of getting a bed this year. She even decided to come early too so we could hang out, and we planned I’d take the twin room, and she’d take the queen.

Here’s where it gets frustrating. The day we left, I texted Mary our ETA. A few hours later, Millie texted me, saying Luke had spoken with Mary, who mentioned Jack and Jill would get the queen room and Luke and Millie the twin room—leaving Nathan and me on the air mattress again.

Luke called Mary out, reminding her of the “first come, first serve” rule, but she suddenly claimed she “never said that” and justified her decision because Jack and Jill would be staying an extra day. (For context, Jack and Jill were arriving a day later than us, so this reasoning felt like an excuse.)

When we arrived, Nathan brought up the rule again, but Mary got defensive, claimed she didn’t remember ever saying it, and refused to budge. I said several sarcastic comments as I felt this was really unfair. I pointed out rules are rules, until they didn’t serve Jill. And that we always do it a certain way UNTIL that means Jill has to take the air mattress and she could come up with any justification but that doesn’t make it fair.

I even pointed out it’s silly for us to now have to board out dogs, and drive 8 hrs before anyone else got here just to change the rules now. She had plenty of time to bring this up with our many conversations leading up to this. She became increasingly sassy about the situation, leaving us feeling defeated and, frankly, a little targeted.

AITA for speaking up over thinking Mary unfairly changed the rules to suit Jack and Jill, and that we’re always stuck with the short end of the stick?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Tdluxon −  INFO- What is Jack and Jill’s position on this whole thing? Seems like unless they are refusing to take the air mattress it becomes sort of a non-issue and Mary doesn’t need to decide. Is she a conservative, “men and women shouldn’t sleep together until they are married” type (seems like she wants the married couples to have their own rooms)?

Bottom line though, if this continues, I would just start staying in a hotel (or not going), the whole thing seems like way more of a hassle than its worth. EDIT- This started as a question but has gotten a lot of upvotes so I’m going to change it to NTA… don’t put up with this BS, stay at a hotel (or don’t go at all).

fernswordgirl432 −  NTA and honestly, I’d just leave if it were me. Every time you guys dance their dance, they think it’s okay. I’d go home to my nice bed, get the dogs, order a half-baked pizza tomorrow and cook it up on Thursday. They are being rude and if this is their status quo for the foreseeable future, you want none of it.

CandylandCanada −  NTA. Move your things into the twin room. Let mom explain it when Jack arrives. Think of how nice it will be to wake up in your own bed on Thanksgiving next year. Bonus: no need to drive 8 hours or pay for the dogs’ boarding!

Puzzled-Safe4801 −  Get a hotel. Problem solved. Your boyfriend’s parents don’t have enough room for everyone. They obviously favor other family members. Next year, go somewhere else for Thanksgiving.

Natural_Lifeguard_44 −  I’m confused by this but Luke and Millie should always get a room with their child. Alex who’s single can sleep on a couch or wherever. The other bedroom should switch off every year between the two couples.

DinoSnuggler −  NTA, but stop playing their game. Either stop going or get a hotel – frankly, you should have turned around and left. If your boyfriend has a problem with this, tell him to sort it out with his parents. Keep in mind that this is how it will go on forever so long as you put up with it.

Bomdegety −  You’re NTA and frankly, your boyfriend needs to step up and handle his family. If he expects to consistently spend time with his family for the holiday, then the responsibility to make that arrangement comfortable for you is on him. Maybe it’s time to spend it with your own family. Or with friends. Or even just alone.

You didn’t mention Alex’s sleeping arrangements so I’m assuming he either lives with your parents or gets a more rudimentary option (like the couch) since he’s single. That’s all fine and well. However, the other two brothers who are attached seem to be getting priority.

You also didn’t mention the age breakdown but in any case, whether it’s because Nathan is a younger brother or because the two of you happen to not be married, his parents are likely favoring the others. Nathan needs to make clear that you and he are not to be treated as second-class offspring just because he was possibly born later or will possibly be married later.

AdBroad −  Nathan needs a back bone and to check his mom, I would be call her bluff and plan for an air b and b or hotel or to stay with friends starting tonight!

Paevatar −  NTA. This is completely unfair and your MIL is playing favorites. You’re driving 9 hours only to sleep on an air bed while others get real beds ever year. You might want to consider staying home next year because of this.

nopatienceforcrap −  NTA, but I’d never stay at their place again. Nearest cheap hotel so you can sleep in comfort, too bad if they don’t like it.