AITA For calling my wife out for never doing the hard chores
A man recently shared his frustration with his wife of seven years regarding how household chores are distributed. While both partners work full-time, he finds himself stuck with all the labor-intensive tasks, especially on Sundays, his only free day.
His wife, who takes weekdays off, often completes lighter chores but refuses to do harder ones, like yard work, claiming they’re “too difficult.” After an argument about her use of the word “we” when describing tasks only he does, escalated, leading him to consider hiring a sitter for his own time off. The wife, however, believes he’s overreacting.
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‘AITA For calling my wife out for never doing the hard chores’
My wife (40F) and I (39M) have been married for 7 years and have 2 kids (4 & 2). We both work full time but have different schedules. I work a standard M-F 40-hour week. My wife’s job requires her to work Saturdays so she takes random days off during the week to compensate. Both our kids are in daycare during the week.
When my wife takes a day off during the week, she will get chores done like cleaning, shopping, laundry, etc. Which is great that she can get that stuff done on her off days. But these are things that can also be done on the weekend. She will leave other, more labor-intensive chores for me to do on the weekend. We have a 1-acre yard so there is always yardwork to be done. And it is nearly impossible for me to do that kind of work on Saturdays when she’s at work and I have the kids.
I’ve talked to her numerous times about doing yardwork on her days off when I’m at work and the kids are in daycare. But she refuses because “it’s too hard.” Which, yeah, I know. I’m the only one who does it. It’s even harder when you’re chasing around 2 kids. This means that I have to spend pretty much my entire Sunday doing yardwork. Every single week.
We’ve argued because she gets a work and kid-free day to herself to get things done. But she picks the easiest chores and leaves the hard ones for me to do on my one remaining weekend day.
I work M-F, then have the kids by myself all day Saturday. I just want to spend some time on Sunday watching football and relaxing. But I can’t because of the yardwork.
This past week, my wife took Thursday off and got some chores done. When I got home with the kids that night, she made some comments that p*ssed me off. She kept saying “We still need to mow the lawn this weekend.” “We need to trim some bushes and trees and bring the brush to the yard waste site.” “I think we should rake up all the fallen pine needles and pinecones to use as fire-starters.”
I snapped at her and asked her which of those things she was going to do, since she kept saying “we.” She got defensive and said that she is going to be watching the kids so that I can get that stuff done. I told her that I think she is using the word “we” incorrectly then, because it sounds like I’m going to be the one doing all of it.
She then went off about all the things she got done on her day off. When I told her that I could do all of those things on Saturday, even with the kids, but she refuses to do any of the hard stuff. I then asked her if she could tell me the last day she had the kids by herself when I wasn’t home. She couldn’t answer and called me a j*rk.
I told her if I can learn to fold a fitted sheet, then she can learn how to use a rake, a lawnmower, a weed whip, etc. I also told her that I am going to start planning things for myself on weekends so that I have my own time, even if it means hiring a sitter.
She thinks I’m overreacting and expecting too much of her because the yard work is hard.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
TheBookishFoodie says:
INFO: Why did you buy a house with 1 acre of you both hate yard work? Could the house be TA?
If she does yard work on her day off, will you happily do the cleaning, shopping, and laundry on Saturday?
WhatTheWhoodle says:
Cleaning, grocery shopping and laundry, etc. also seem like they would need to be completed more often (daily/weekly) than most yard work.
Engineer-Huge says:
Also he’s not wrong about the yard work but a lot of chores are just way easier with without kids. If he was grocery shopping every single week with the kids in tow, I’m sure he’d be wanting her to do that, too. Basically I think he’s jealous she gets a kid free day off and he doesn’t. Which I’d also be jealous. But he’s pretending the yard work is the issue when it’s not really.
lzyslut says:
Dishes, Laundry and yard work are not the only chores though. Who does daycare communications, family communication and commitments, doctors and dentist appointments, medications, haircuts, take days off when they’re sick, buying new clothes and shoes as they need, deep clean bathrooms and grotty areas, plenty of other stuff. I’m not saying that OP doesn’t do that but it’s necessary to know before doing a forensic analysis of the division of labour here.
Edit: some of y’all out here getting so triggered by the suggestion that this is not the full extent of what labour is involved in raising a family. If you’re not interested in hearing it then you’re not interested, I’m not going to argue about it.
Just know that if you’re resistant to this because you don’t have kids and genuinely don’t realise, one day when you’ve had to take your 3rd week in a row off of work because another round of the flu has hit the daycare centre this is it.
And those of you who are resistant because “it’s not like that in my house” – sure buddy, your marriage problems are not my issue.
numbersthen0987431 says:
Because this is a post to gather p*ty for himself, and he is severely diminishing her workload make himself look better. And so he would include everything he would to do that and if he was doing those things he would have mentioned them to make himself look better.
Evidence of all this is the alternative: if she works 5 days during the week, how are they going to balance the workload?? She will watch the kids on Saturday and then she spends all day Sunday running chores and errands?? Which will turn into her watching the kids on Saturday and Sunday, and try to get her stuff done with the kids in tow.
OkHedgewitch says:
I mow over an acre on a zero turn in 40 minutes. Weed trimming takes another 25 minutes tops. It’s really not that labor intensive unless OP is out there with a reel mower (the old-fashioned gasless kind) with an 18″ wide mowing path. (My mower has a 48″ deck.. 42″ is average)
Mammoth_Ad_3463 says:
I read that she has a kid free day to get chores like laundry and grocery shopping done and he wants to watch football and that did it.
Sounds to me like he doesn’t value her labor if he thinks it’s comparable to him watch TV all day.
Also sounds like they need a smaller property if he’s upset he has to, ya know, maintain the property instead of watch TV.
This argument reflects the challenge of dividing household labor fairly, especially when both partners have different expectations. Should both partners contribute equally to all chores, or is it fair to divide them based on difficulty? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!