AITA for calling my sibling’s new partner a gold digger?

A Redditor shared a heated family dinner incident that led to calling their sibling’s new partner a gold digger. During their father’s birthday celebration at an upscale steakhouse, the user’s sister, who was struggling financially, asked for help covering their mother’s expensive wine bill because her boyfriend, Mark, had recently lost his job.

Despite the financial strain, Mark ordered an expensive whiskey flight for himself. The original poster confronted him in the restroom, calling him a “broke ass gold digger” for relying on their sister for support.

Tensions escalated throughout the evening, culminating in a family confrontation where the father asked Mark to leave. The sister is now blaming the user for the fallout and has blocked them on social media. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for calling my sibling’s new partner a gold digger? ‘

My sister, my wife, my parents, and my sister’s new boyfriend Mark go out for my dad’s birthday. It’s an upscale Steak House and my wife and I are supposed to treat my dad. My sister and Mark are supposed to pick up my mom’s side. Mom got a bottle of red wine $140. My sister knows our parents taste before going in on this.

My sister pulls me aside asking if we could get my mom’s side because they are broke and she’d pay me back. Mark had just lost his job. There was this whiskey flight my dad got that was almost $200 but then Mark decided to get the same thing after my sister said she couldn’t afford mom’s bill because Mark isn’t working.

I was silent on this but cornered Mark in the restroom about it. I found out my sister was paying for him also because mf just lost his job. I called Mark infront of the bathroom attendant a broke ass m. f. gold digger and yelled at him about his b**lshit. He told me he “didn’t take my parents to raise”

Edit: “take my parents to raise” means Mark wasn’t paying my parent’s bill. I’m pissed off. So say something when they bring out this cake for my dad and Mark helps himself to another piece of cake instead of letting my parents take the rest home. I told my family that for not “taking my parents to raise” Mark seems to be a greedy a**hole.

I tell my parents and sister what he said. My dad asks him to leave the party and my sister was going to pay the bill. My dad took it from my sister saying real men pay the bills and my dad would go without before his wife and children went without and my sister needs to save her money and make better life choices.

Mark and my sister got in a huge fight and ny sister blames me for it because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about Mark. I told my sister at least she can d**p the gold digger now and my sister blocked me.

Check out how the community responded:

Tressame17 −  I actually was leaning towards you being the A, until Mark ordered a $200 whiskey flight. After that he deserves to be called out. NTA

Famous_Specialist_44 −  Your dad chose an extravagant whisky flight and your mom an expensive wine when they knew their kids would be paying. Unless they knew you were both earning good money and were financially secure that seems a bit of an AH move . Your sister’s bf jumped on the bandwagon and ordered well beyond his means. That makes him an AH

Your sister trying to leverage you into  covering more of the bill and keep it secret is also an AH move . You cornering someone in the toilet and cursing them is impolite and threatening making you an AH. So, ESH 

[Reddit User] −  ESH. Sounds like the whole family has beer money with champagne tastes. You all need to be realistic with one another and communicate better.

yonk182 −  NTA. I’m not sure that he’s actually a gold digger as your sister doesn’t seem to have much gold for him to dig. He is definitely a j**k ordering something expensive neither he nor your sister could afford and certainly inconsiderate. All this did create drama which, wasn’t great for your dads birthday, so it could have been handled better.

urgasmic −  ESH. what a mess. mark sucks, i don’t think your reaction is justified, your parents having people spend $340 on alcohol seems ridiculous to me but i am a poor. your dad’s reaction is funny considering. all around it’s ridiculous to me. and i do not relate.

[Reddit User] −  NTA from now on his name is Goldie in your house. Keep telling your sister you love her, and that a person can’t always control who they get attracted to. But it’s her value and dignity she’s throwing away on a man who’s using her and you know her better than that.

She’ll be heart broken for awhile but she needs to get rid of the guy because he’s taking up space and time she should be spending on looking for a good man.

iheartwords −  ESH There’s a lot going on here that stinks. Parents ordering obnoxiously expensive items, Mark ordering the whiskey flight without checking in with his girlfriend, your sister not stopping Mark from ordering said flight, your sister agreeing beforehand to pay for half a dinner that she couldn’t afford – flight or no flight, and you for choosing a steakhouse, which are notorious for dinners costing hundreds of dollars.

I say the latter point because you described Mark as a new boyfriend. Are you, and your father under the impression that a new boyfriend would take on the financial responsibility to help host his girlfriend’s family party?

Tracy_Hates_HS −  Wait…who is mf? And also, what does “He didn’t take my parents to raise” mean? I have to say my kids do very well financially and I couldn’t imagine going so overboard if they took me to dinner.

Thequiet01 −  ESH. None of you have any manners.

rosezoeybear −  I don’t understand why a ‘new boyfriend’ would be expected to pay for his girlfriend’s parent’s bill? I do agree with him being wrong to order expensive items.
It seems like the sister should have talked with OP and picked a cheaper restaurant.

Was it justified for the user to call out Mark for his behavior, or did they overstep by confronting him publicly? How would you handle financial dynamics in family relationships, especially with new partners? Share your thoughts below!