AITA for calling him a “f**king embarrassment”?

A Reddit user shared a heated situation with her fiancé during a family vacation. Every year, she and her two sons (12 and 9) visit her family’s vacation home, where the kids don’t have a set bedtime in order to enjoy late-night activities. This year, her fiancé joined them, despite knowing about the no-bedtime rule.

However, he became increasingly uncomfortable with the boys staying up late and made passive-aggressive comments, leading to tension. After repeated warnings, the user called him a “fucking embarrassment” for causing discomfort. Was she in the wrong for handling it this way? Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for calling him a “f**king embarrassment”?’

I’ve been seeing my fiance for 4 years now and I came in to the relationship with 2 boys. My boys are now 12 and 9. Once a year me and the boys go to my families vacation home with the entire family and up until this year, my fiance did not attend. But now that we are engaged and merging families, the family asked that he come too (they all get along great with him anyways).

I explained to him prior to us coming to our family retreat that during our week stay with the family, my kids do not have a bedtime. We do a lot of night activities, such as night swimming in the pool, karaoke, fires, nightly strolls through the neighborhood, etc etc. So during this week, my kids absolutely do not have a bedtime and this is how it has always been.

I made it clear that bedtime was not to be enforced like it was at home because this is vacation and time with family and I’m not making my kids miss out on the nightly activities. I also explained that due to this, some nights they are up until easily 11-midnight. It’s once a year, it’s no big deal. So he was fully aware and please note that this is the only time I’ve seen this side of him that I will mention below.

We get here the first night and you can tell he is already uncomfortable with the boys staying up past their bedtime. He was stressing out because the boys were still in the pool at 10pm and he felt they should be in bed already. I reminded him at least twice that we were not enforcing a bedtime here and he let it go the first night.

The second night 9pm rolls around and the boys were still up and my fiance was dropping comments like “you’re lucky you’re even still awake right now, you should be in bed”.Saying it right in front of my mom, who looked mortified that he had such an attitude. I told him to cut the f**king s**t, in private. He tells me he thinks it’s fucked up and that it’s going to be terrible trying to get them back on their schedule (never been an issue in the years prior). I stood firm and told him to knock it off and let it go.

But then last night my fiance starts angry sighing every single time he looks at my kids still awake and I finally pulled him aside and told him he was a f**king embarrassment because he keeps saying these comments in front of my family, which leads to awkward silences and judgemental glances my way.

I warned him prior to coming here and if he had an issue that he can’t control for a week than he needs to leave because he’s ruining our trip with his passive aggressive BS surrounding a bedtime. He told me I’m an AH for making him feel like garbage over wanting to keep the kids on a schedule because it’s “best for them”. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

tatersprout −  NTA. I know you said this behavior is not his usual, but I would say that this is a prediction of the future with him. He has an opinion that differs from yours. He doesn’t have to agree with you, but he does have to respect your decisions. He doesn’t respect you and can’t control himself. He made a fool of himself and openly showed his disdain to your entire family. Please rethink your relationship. Things may have been smooth in the past because a situation where you disagree has likely never been an issue.

WNY_Canna_review −  NTA he’s not concerned about the kids keeping a schedule, he’s concerned about maintaining control. When someone shows you red flags, believe them.

CarterPFly −  NTA. Is this the first time that the power dynamic has completely shifted to you? You’re in your home court now. It’s your rules, your dynamic, your family. You have all the power here.

Now,for most people this isn’t an issue at all. It’s barely notable or noticeable. But this guy clearly simply can’t handle the fact that he’s not in charge here. It’s eating at him to the point of irritability. I’m sorry, but this is him showing you who he really is. Reflect on this,where else have you clearly seen his control issues but you dismissed it? They’re there, all around you. OMG, thanks for the awards. I’m humbled.

Maddax_McCloud −  NTA. The mask is slipping.

Far-Juggernaut8880 −  NTA- you told him what the traditions and schedules were for this schedule which are not unreasonable. Fiancé was being rude and controlling by trying to impose his opinion on you all especially as it was his first time attending. Is he often this forceful with his opinions?

jdr0p −  NTA. Your kids, your family, your tradition. This might be the first time he’s showing it, but I would be concerned that it comes out more and more after you tie the knot. You two need to have a serious conversation about it, because that is a red flag. It screams controlling behavior.

New-Birthday6998 −  I just read your replies. Here’s my question. Why are you still with him? Once you marry him those kids life will be hell and it will be your fault. When someone shows you their true self…believe them. He’s an ass from the word go. Telling your kids they have to ask to access to the fridge? In your own home? Come on .

Hedgehogahog −  NTA and I *hate* saying this, but this might be a chance to learn something. You mentioned that he gets along great with your family generally and has just never been on this exact annual trip before. You didn’t mention who that family includes – if it includes a father or brother (BIL would work in a pinch), have them pull him aside and explain that it’s more relaxed here.

Now, ideally, your family member will be decent enough to feel a little gross and weird about the implications here (my dad and brother sure would), but that’s not actually the thing we’re trying to learn. We’re trying to learn if he heeds the advice of a male family member over yours.

If he’s suddenly much more fine with it having heard it from a fellow Family Patriarch, you’ve learned what you need to know. If he doubles down on bedtime and gets angry that your family would dare meddle on your marriage, well, you’ve also learned what you need to know.. Good luck. Edit: there are of course many outcomes. It’s just that those two are the especially interesting ones.

geordiehippo −  NTA. His reaction to this seems so disproportionate – your children staying up late on holiday is normal, and you’ve done it before with no issues. For someone who had never been on holiday with you before he seems to strongly believe he knows what’s best which is worrying. By trying to micromanage bedtimes he’s also micromanaging everyone elses holiday. I hope he’s not this controlling in other aspects of your life. What’s he going to be like when your children are teenagers and want to stay out late?

Pleasant-Heron2441 −  NTA and please reassure your kids they’ve done nothing wrong. They’ll be picking up on all the looks and comments. He’s building a big wedge between him and them.

Do you think the user overreacted by calling her fiancé an “embarrassment” for his comments, or was she justified in standing firm for her family’s tradition? How would you have handled a partner undermining your parenting decisions in front of family? Share your thoughts below!