AITA for buying my wife a Roomba for Christmas?

A Reddit user shared a situation where he bought his wife a Roomba for Christmas, thinking it would relieve her of the vacuuming duties and give her more free time.

However, his wife was deeply offended, viewing it as an inappropriate gift that implied she was only responsible for cleaning. This misunderstanding has continued to cause tension in their marriage. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for buying my wife a Roomba for Christmas?’

This happened last year but since it still gets brought up during arguments every now and then and I just discovered this Subreddit I decided to check what you guys think.

Me and my wife have two children (15F & 11M). My wife is a stay at home mom since the birth of our second child. I (46M) work full time and earn a six figure salary. My job is highly stressful, requires me to travel a lot and mostly sleep in hotels.

I only get to come home to my family on every second weekend, on average. Despite working a lot, I am glad to do it so that my family can live a comfortable life.

Last year, I decided to buy my wife a Roomba for Christmas. My wife tends to be the one who vacuums the house so I presumed that she would like this present as it would free her of this chore.

As she unpacked the present, she was heavily offended and did not hesitate to show it, which made the whole situation quite uncomfortable as my parents and other members of the family were also present.

She argued that ‘this should not be a present directed at her but at the whole family, as it is the entire family’s responsibility to clean up the house’.

Since I work and am the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay at home mother, I think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house.

The gift was intended to somewhat relieve her of this burden. I, personally, would have loved to have received a Christmas gift that would have somehow made it possible for me to spend less time working.

As cheesy as it sounds, I think that time is one of the most precious gifts and that Roomba would have definitely bought some time for her – time that she could use to do whatever she pleased instead of vacuuming.Unfortunately, one year later, this still often gets brought up during arguments, often coupled with her crying.. So, AITA in this situation?

EDIT: I should also add that I would have never gifted my wife a vacuum cleaner or anything along these lines. I saw the Roomba as a robot that would fully take over this task which is why I thought it was a good idea.

EDIT #2: I asked her numerous times before Christmas last year what she would have liked to receive and she repeatedly told me that she does not want anything. I was left to guess and chose the most practical gift that I was certain she could be able to make use of.

See what others had to share with OP:

SciFiEmma −  YTA: that’s a gift for the household and not her. It shows you primarily regard her as a housekeeper and not a partner. What interests does she have that are not about serving you and the family?

WebbieVanderquack −  YTA. This is a rookie mistake. Husband thinks “wife will appreciate a machine to make her work easier,” wife thinks “my husband sees me primarily as a housekeeper and not as a romantic partner.”

If you want to relieve her of this one burden, that’s a nice thought, but don’t make it a Christmas gift, make it a contribution to the welfare of the household. That’s what your wife meant when she said “this should not be a present directed at her but at the whole family.”

xBobSacamanox −  NTA, ffs can we get some adults in this god damn subreddit. No one every complains when a woman buys a man a drill or a wrench set for fixing s**t around the house.

She’s an adult, these are adult gifts. It should definitely be coupled with something personal though, and it sounds like it was. She’s being a child. My wife would be overcome with joy if I eliminated the chore of floor cleaning from our household.

CheyBridgeMan −  My dad got my mom a wheelbarrow for Xmas. She needed one for the barn to care for her horses. They divorced a year later and that even came up in court. Meanwhile, I got a new washer and dryer for Valentines Day one year and I couldn’t have been happier.

Made my life a lot easier. My mother was horrified. So….It’s really an issue of knowing your audience. I would be super excited for a Roomba. Clearly your wife not so much. That it keeps getting brought up is kind of nuts though.

If she was hurt because she had asked you for something else or wanted something more romantic or sentimental vs practical, you guys could’ve returned the Roomba and you could endeavor to be a better gift giver. But tears? Recurring argument fodder? Sounds like you need to read Five Love Languages. And she maybe needs therapy.. ESH

shelbo-baggins −  NTA. Yikes if this makes you an a**hole my mom must hate us cause we (my siblings and I) got her a roomba for Christmas a few years ago. We also got her a really nice Dyson cordless vacuum for her birthday this year. She uses the vacuum constantly and loves it. The roomba goes around twice a week and gets a ton of dog hair.

We also get my father power tools, which I would say is in the same line of gifting. If you had gifted a nice set of pots and pans would that also be a**hole-ish because she uses them to make meals for the whole family?

Or when people gift a dog but the whole family gets to appreciate him/her? People gift items all the time that more than one person gets to appreciate. A roomba should theoretically give her more time to relax with her children and take some stress off of her while you’re gone. I see no issue with it.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. A Roomba is a great gift. It’s not a necessity, it’s a f**king luxury.

DoLittlest −  You know this isn’t really about the Roomba, right?

Psykopatate −  I think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house. It is understandable that she’ll do most of it, but you can’t buy your way out of adult responsibilities.

What bugs me also is that you use “I think she should”, that’s something you never discussed about ? And yeah, cleaning stuff / cooking ustensils aren’t good choices. They give the vibe your wife is only useful for that. YTA

spacecadetxxx −  I wanted to buy my SO a nice set of kitchen knives but I wasn’t sure if she would have a similar reaction to your wife so I ended up just asking her if it would offend her.

She actually liked the idea and offered a suggestion for some knives her mother had that she knew she liked. Generally I would stay away from household stuff like that if it could have like sexist connotations. You probably wouldnt gift her a broom and dustpan would you?

This was pretty similar, it just took batteries. I won’t say you’re the AH because I think your heart was in the right place and you genuinely thought you were helping her and getting her a good gift. But to everyone else it was a pretty crappy present. NAH

[Reddit User] −  This isn’t so much a ‘am I the a**hole thing’ as it is a ‘maybe my marriage needs work’ thing. You are away from your family waaaaaaaay too much. It’s not really the Roomba that’s the problem. Personally, I would love a Roomba for Christmas. It’s a robot! That cleans! But I’m not a woman stuck home with two kids who barely sees her husband.

Do you think the gift was thoughtful but poorly received, or was it a misstep in not considering how it would be perceived? How would you handle a situation where a gift intended to help ends up causing hurt feelings? Share your thoughts below!